Once, when I still had social networking accounts, I tweeted something about ‘spanking therapy’ to one of my friends. I don’t know why or how, but someone I’d never met nor heard of, who was some sort of anti-new-age-medicine personality, made a super snarky and dismissive comment and re-shared my original tweet to his followers. Sort of a ‘look, another loony’ kind of thing. I was highly insulted. First of all, who the hell are you? and secondly, what business is it of yours? and third, oh…I could go on and on about the social miscalculations this person made that day. But that’s not the point, so let’s get past my indignation at the snark and look at the underlying smarminess.
People think that sex is dirty. People also think that anything which smacks of fetish must be perverse, discordant, and totally without actual value. In other words, some folks think that what we do is weird and we’re dumb. (And where the ‘what we do’ is, you could put any counter- or alt-norm culture or movement and get the same results.) Many of those people are just under- or ill-informed (ignorant) and the rest are simply closed to the idea of anything outside their comfortable social mores (stupid). Probably more than a few talk the clean talk, but walk the dirty walk, distancing themselves from other perverts by way of magical thinking.
People who think that this is all a bunch of crap (I’ll call them The Dummies from here on out, so nobody gets confused) are, simply, small-minded. I’m not a person of unshakeable faith in many things, but I have the ultimate faith in a person’s ability to accept. When that faith is shaken by Dummies, I remind myself that it’s not anyone else’s life I’m living, nor is anyone helping me live this one…I’m answerable only to myself. My beliefs don’t have to jibe with anyone else’s, and it’s cool for others to disagree…as long as they’ve educated themselves on the subject. Dummies are the folks who would take a subject like spanking, look at it for half a second, then determine it to be valueless.
Most people reading this post will likely be pro-spanking, pro-kink, or, at the very least, pro-openmindedness (or you wouldn’t still be reading), so it’s not likely that I’ll meet a lot of dissenters here, and that’s fine too. It still has to be said.
Spanking is therapeutic.
It’s not just a get-off tool; it’s certainly not just deviance; it’s most definitely proven (by those who are willing to talk openly) to have positive and long-lasting effects on one’s mental state. Granted, one must be open to the idea, and possibly an actual spanko, to derive benefit from this belief, but doesn’t that make it just like every other belief? Don’t we all have to suspend disbelief in one or more areas of our lives, in order for things like belief to work in the first place?
And does it really matter whether we believe in it because it works, or whether it works because we believe it will? I don’t think so. (I’m getting a strong sense of deja vu here..like I’ve complained about this very thing before. Ah well,)
Dummies would say that we’re all hung up on some childhood trauma, or that we’re sadistic sociopaths and masochistic psychos. Personally, I think we’re a lot simpler than all that. We crave something which we cannot necessarily explain but which harms none, and we seek it out. We do not impose our wills or ideas on others, unlike the Dummies.
See, they think it’s all about the hitting. That’s why they’re dumb.
We know better…
It’s less about the spanking and much, much, much more about the relationships we foster – we can’t help fostering – when we’re so close together for so long.
It’s about empathy, too, isn’t it? The whole thing about actually listening rather than just waiting for one’s turn to speak.
And trust, which we give physically so very easily but withhold emotionally for so very long.
But I don’t have to explain it to you, do I? And The Dummies would never listen.
Preaching to the choir,
– Dana
Well said. I have given and received my share of therapeutic spankings and have foudnd them to be effective for a true emotional release. My feelings are wherever there is a need for this kind of release the method is whatever moves you.
I don’t have the most stellar character when it comes to insults. If someone had the balls to label me “weird” for loving spankings, I would easily retort with 2-3 negative comments directed at THAT person. My friends would never define me that way. If some uninformed ignorant stranger had issues with my interest, I don’t care how rude I am in return. :)
For me spankings are therapeutic. Not only do I enjoy the pain sensation, but they make me feel relaxed, de-stressed and mentally alert.
The first time I was introduced to a therapeutic anything was a cathartic whipping. I had so much rage and frustration built up that I wasnt sleeping and my work was suffering.
When it was over and I was a blubbering idiot in her arms it had felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders. I slept for about 12 hours and I was good for about 3 months.
We all need to let off steam. I am just one who agrees with Dana and finds it through spanking. Its a lot better then crawling inside a bottle.
I am so looking forward to my next one.
For me…I relate spankings to the “root chakra” in the chakra system. The root chakra is located in the tail bone area. It is the chakra that creates a sense of belonging, home etcetera. It’s the chakra that makes you feel connected and loved (along w the heart chakra).
It comes as no surprise to me that when someone loves you enough to spank you in the area that the “root chakra” resides, one will feel not only grounded within ones self, at home, loved AND feel a sense of belonging. For me, when I’m feeling “ungrounded” and “scattered” (or we can call it “stressed”), a spanking helps me become grounded and I feel a part of something bigger than me. It also creates a deep bond (hopefully) between the spankee and the spanker. A spanking will make both parties feel “at home” which in turn makes you feel relaxed, simply bc of the root chakra and the type of energy it holds and represents.
That’s just my two cents worth..that’s all. :)
I have said many times that spanking for me is very therapeutic. Having someone I can trust and who is caring enough to spank me means more than I can say. I feel better afterwards and being able to have a catharsis without feeling embarrassed about it allows me to cry out my anger and internal pain. One of the side benefits I also get from being spanked is the physical relief from my fibromyalgia pain. That was a surprise and a very welcome one at that. There is little wonder why I crave it.
I think I was a former “Dummie” but would never insult anyone. For years I thought my feelings about spanking was that I was somewhat crazy for longing for and reading about spanking. As I did some research and began to read spanking books, and then with the internet I could get ebooks I was still ashamed and embarrised about my feeling, I then found blogs and website where I learned that I was not alone in these feelings and because I was a spanko, that I was completely normal. I still do most of my reading on iPads or kindles because I don’t want to be judged by “Dummies” thanks for allowing me to sound off.
Big hugs,
Laurel
I always thought I WAS weird, because I didn’t know anyone else who wanted to either receive or give a spanking. When getting spanked moved beyond fantasy and became a reality, it was much more than fulfillment of a dream. It was fulfillment of needs I didn’t even know existed. I like a lot of pain, but after a long dry spell I’m having to learn to tolerate it again. Pain per se isn’t what I crave, though; what I crave is spanking. When I have been properly spanked, there is a connectedness which is based on a deep level of trust and which is almost without equal. Whether or not I cry, I always become calm and able to focus. Everything in the world settles into perspective. Important things get bigger and insignificant things disappear. All of these feelings are worth the price of having to learn–again–to tolerate what I crave.
Yes, spanking can be therapeutic. I am ok with that, beyond ok with that actually. I have seen the results for myself and others.
Spanking has many roles in my life. Depending on the delivery, relationship or circumstance it can be foreplay, fun, funishment, punishment, part of a scene, role play, cathartic, therapeutic or just freaking because.
where I have pause or concern is when people substitute spanking as therapy with a Top or partner who is no more qualified to understand the human psyche as they are to do brain surgery. Dumping that kind of responsibility on some one is unfair, irresponsible and in my not so humble opinion co dependent. Tops who take on that responsibility without proper training are opening themselves to a whole plethora of fucked up behavior or expectations that they just can’t meet. It is unfair to both parties to subject the other to that.
After being in the general BdSM sceen for almost 20 years I have seen my fair share of posers, Einsteins, idiots and run of the mill no good-ers come and go.( along with some wonderful people and friends) This applies to both Tops and bottoms. I have seen some really f’up shit go down, relationships and general mental heath go awry.
I am a huge fan of personal responsibility, expecting a Top to have all the answers or be the fixer just isn’t fair. So yes I do see and have experienced the positive results of therapeutic spanking, when it is time to talk the heavy shit I call a licensed shrinks dink. I just so frustrated when the two are confused.
Just my opinion. Sorry to be a downer.
Great ideas Dana…if I detect the feeling behind your writing correctly, it seems you might benefit from finding a close willing “Bottom” upon which to practice your therapeutic technique soon.
I’ve seen the term “spanking therapy” or someone describing him or herself as a “spanking therapist” and I always thought that was sort of a code word. Those of the right bent would know exactly what it means, those not would find it easy to ignore. After all, “therapy” is something that you know you need, you don’t always like undergoing it, but it makes you feel better afterward.
I’ve never felt that I need a spanking to relieve stress, absolve guilt, or become a better person, I just enjoy the experience, much in the same way as someone would enjoy playing basketball for no particular reason other than enjoyment.
Do I need therapy? ;)
I can tell you enjoy spanking. I love to be spanked myself. My girl friend Mary said she liked to watch my bare buttocks tunn red in welts from the cane & loved the action as they twitched & draw into rippled knots. She said it was drawing out the devil & would break the welts causing my buttocks to go into spasms of gaping & opening uncontrolably I lay helpless my buttocks were hot with fire but I wanted & needed this…
At times guilt, feeling bad, not being worthy, or melancholy builds up in me. Usually it is little things that make me feel this way. The therapy that gets me out of this mood is a good sound no nonsense spanking. Being over the knee of a caring disciplinarian is therapeutic and relieves all of stress of dealing with these feelings. The spanking must be painful and administered by a female who takes charge and reduces me to my inner submissive self.
James