Readers,
While we will eventually cover all sorts of fun and light-hearted spanko themes, I would like to follow ‘Chapter One: Isolation’ with another somewhat serious subject that’s come up time and again. Just today, I heard yet another story about an unfortunately common theme…
Chapter Two: The Bad Scene
What interests me is not that they occur; not every coming-together-of-spankos is guaranteed to be spectacular. The matter for discussion, or explanation, is this:
Why would one allow a bad spanking to continue?
I have seen good, honest, loving people throw a hissy fit in the middle of an upscale restaurant over a side dish mix-up. I have seen placid, vegan hippies yell themselves hoarse in the checkout line over discrepancies of less than a dollar. I’ve also witnessed the demise of life-long friendships over the failure to return a telephone call.
We are all so very willing to defend ourselves against any perceived insult, aren’t we?
Maybe not. Not when it comes to spanking. I have yet to hear someone end a Bad Scene story by saying “And I got up, right in the middle of it, and walked right out of there.”
What I HAVE heard:
“Well, I was there…and I really wanted to give/get a spanking.”
“I didn’t want to hurt her/his feelings.”
“I thought maybe it would get better after a while.”
“I didn’t want to look like a pus*y.”
“I was so shocked that I didn’t know what do do or say.”
Help me out here. I want to understand why we tolerate over-compensating tops, bossy bottoms, pushy party players, body odor, terrible chemistry, and spankings bordering-on-assault-and-battery?
Why not get up, right in the middle of it, and walk right out of there?
– Dana
Conversations with Spankos: Chapter Two
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As outspoken and opinionated as I am, I am guilty of this, Dana. Why? Hard to explain, because there are many reasons. Part of it is sheer foolish pride (you won’t break ME, pal). Part of it is just sucking it up, if I’m playing with someone who means well but just can’t spank worth a damn, and I figure I’ll chalk it up as an MS. Part of it is not wanting to make a scene, if I’m at a party or in front of others. And part of it is good old-fashioned shell-shock. I can’t process what’s happening to me, so I go within and shut down. A friend of mine once referred to it as “retreating to my own personal bomb shelter.”
This is why I’m so particular about my play partners. I want to make sure I’m in very good hands.
I don’t know that I’ve ever had a “bad scene” before, partly because I’ve screened my partners very carefully and partly because of luck.
I’ve only had one scene that was less than ideal, and that was exclusively because of my headspace going into it. I was trying new things, playing with someone for the first time *and* I hadn’t prepared for the scene in the ways that I usually do, so there were worries in the back of my mind. When it reached a certain point, I got overwhelmed by those things and no longer “was feeling” it. That was the only time I ever safe-worded out of a scene, because I don’t really see the point in “toughing it out” once things aren’t favorable for me anymore.
I don’t consider it a bad scene because I really enjoyed having the chance to connect with that particular Top and to see where the kind of play that we did would take me, and I because I safe-worded before it got to be too much, I was able to end up having an ultimately good experience due to the conversation and aftercare that followed.
I remember this guy I knew confided that he had gone to a hooker once in his search for a spanking. So he hands this 19-year-old street-walker the money and she immediately starts hitting him with his belt. The guy is like, “Ow! Stop that! What are you doing?” So she stops and leaves with the money -job done. Fun eh?
I have stopped scenes. Once after warning a woman not to wrap a strap, she continued to do so. I took the strap and left.
Spanking a woman, I realized the scene was going no where, no chemistry. I asked her if it was OK to stop and we did.
Thank you all for taking a moment to weigh in here; I believe that it’s important we all know that bad scenes do happen…and that it’s perfectly okay to stop them tootsweet.
– Dana