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Conversations with Spankos : Ideally…

 

Fellow spankos,

I regularly ask my new playmates, especially those who’ve not experienced much (or any) spanking play before, “What’s been swirling around in your mind? What do you think about when you think about your ‘ideal’ spanking?”

This is a great question for all of us, I think. What, if given the choice to have it happen ANY way you want, would be your ideal spanking scenario? Doesn’t matter whether you’re a top, a bottom, or a switch, or whether the spanking that you consider the best would be given or taken, either. We all have a main fantasy I think – the one that plays most often in our heads – and I’m interested in yours.

Tell me about your ‘ideal’ spanking in the comments area, so that others can join in the Conversation.

 

–  Dana

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Conversations with Spankos : Are Spanking Videos ‘Spanking Porn’?

 

Readers,

Oftentimes when talking with my fellow spankos, the subject of spanking videos comes up – naturally. Lots of my friends refer to spanking videos as ‘spanking porn’, and I’ve even done so on a couple of occasions. However, I don’t consider most spanking videos that I watch to be porn at all, so I’m not sure how exactly a non-sex impact fetish video becomes ‘porn’.

Is it because of the nudity? No, there’s all kinds of non-sexual nudity in the world, all the time. Is it the hitting? Of course not. Hitting is rarely eroticized outside the BDSM community, I’d imagine(?). So what is it about nude + hitting that = porn?

I know, I know..there’s lots of spanking-sex videos out there, and I’m not averse to those even though they’re usually not my taste (I like my spanking and sex videos served separate most of the time); I’m talking here about straight up, domestic discipline videos and/or corporal punishment videos …are they porn? Are they spanking porn? Do you use the term, or find it unfitting?

By taking a look at search engine ratings, the term ‘spanking porn’ is searched many hundreds of times more, exponentially, than the term ‘domestic discipline’ or ‘adult spanking’ – is there a crossover with mainstream sex and adult video here, do you think? Are ‘vanilla’s’ interested in spanking too, when it’s wrapped up in an otherwise vanilla porn video? I don’t imagine that a whole lot of non-spankos spend their time running down strictly-spanking videos, but maybe I’m way off the mark here. (Sadly, not a lot of non-spankos are running down spanko blogs either, so we’ll likely not get much input on the subject from the 99.997%.)

But there’s always us, and I’m always curious about your opinions on any and all things spanking – and so are your fellow readers, so leave your two cents in the comments section and let’s have a Conversation!

 

–  Dana

 

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Conversations with Spankos : Men in Panties

 

So what’s the deal with guys wearing panties, anyway?

There seems to be some confusion.

men-wearing-panties

 

There are lots of reasons why a man might find himself interested in ladies panties, but I want to talk about the reasons he may want to try them on..

 

Some men who wear underthings designed for women identify as cross dressers, and this identification often includes other items of women’s clothing worn along with those lacy briefs (thongs usually don’t work for guys, for obvious reasons). Cross dressing doesn’t necessarily indicate transgender or homosexual interest – it’s common for hetero-identified, ‘masculine’ men to cross dress.

Others like to wear panties but don’t really care for all the other accouterments of feminine dress (okay, maybe the occasional pair of nude thigh-high stockings..) – I fondly call these fellas ‘panty boys’. They’re just into the feel and texture and fit of the garment, and there’s still something slightly naughty about wearing them.

 

There’s a common misconception that a man in panties is something less than attractive…I cannot imagine why. Just look at the above screengrab – taken from a recent youtube video showing guys trying on panties for the first time – those perky, satin-covered bums look pretty cute to me.

 

Several of my male playmates choose to wear panties for their spankings, and many more have been ‘sentenced’ to the task. I am always tickled under any circumstance by which I can see one of my Tough Guys tucked into one of Victoria’s better-kept secrets.

Guys, where are you on this? (Obviously, you can comment anonymously) Are you into the occasional full-bottom satin brief? If so, care to explain it to those who may not understand?….

And ladies, what about you? Does the idea of your man/partner/spankee in panties make you giggle, or cringe? Why?

 

–  Dana

 

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Conversations with NON Spankos : Ask your loved one to comment

 

( Spankos, this is usually all about us, from us, by us, and from our perspectives. This time, I’d like to ask those of you who have the lucky fortune of having an openminded NON-spanko in your lives to read the below and possibly give us their insights. I don’t want your opinions this time, kiddos, and don’t want the ‘my wife says’ either. I want to hear from the actual NON-spanko partners, friends, etc. in your lives who know and are willing to participate. Pass this on if you think yours is willing to contribute to our understanding of their views.)

 

An open request to those of you who know and love someone with a spanking fetish:

 

Maybe you participate in spanking with your partner/friend, and maybe you don’t; possibly you try very hard to understand his or her desire for this type of activity, and possibly you think it’s the strangest damn thing you’ve ever heard of. Maybe you’ve done some research on your own to see what it’s all about, or maybe you just don’t want to know…

We – the people in your lives who ARE into spanking – want to know what you think of it all. Really, we do. Don’t just tell us what we want to hear, either, we can handle the truth.

You see, when a person thinks about spanking whether they want to or not (which is how many, if not most, of us feels), it colors their perceptions of the act itself. What someone like you, who isn’t compelled to participate in spanking, understand about our interests is important – we want you to understand, and we want you to be ‘okay’ with something that we may feel a bit unsure about, ourselves. The best way to get you ‘okay’ is to give you the chance to tell us, the spanking enthusiasts, what you think.

If you’re reading this, it’s likely because someone’s asked you to – and I’ll ask that you now take a minute to respond via the comments feature, so that we’ll know how YOU feel.

 

–  Dana

 

 

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Conversations with Spankos : I’ve had a lot of really GREAT experiences..”

 

Last time round we talked about the bad and ugly, so let’s uplift things a bit this week. This one’s simple:

 

Tell us about your BEST spanking experience – was it your first-ever spanking? Your hardest? Most recent? Are they *all* the best?

 

Leave your great spanking experiences in the comments area so that others (especially those who may be new to it all) can see just how much fun we can have when we do it Right.

 

(Since so many of my great experiences have been videotaped (think Delrin punishments, cruise ships, and water guns), I’ll simply direct you to the Free Videos to see some of mine…)

 

–  Dana

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Conversations with Spankos : “I’ve had a lot of Bad Experiences”

 

Everyone,

 

I can’t say with certainty how many times I’ve heard the title phrase, but it’s enough to have prompted me to write this post. I’m hoping that, as always, you’ll recognize something in this which makes you think, laugh, learn, or – bonus! – all three at once.

We’ve talked abut bad scenes before, but I’d like to re-explore this in a different way: by giving you the floor.

When I gave a recent new playmate permission to talk about some of the things he’d experienced in past playtimes, there were more than a couple ‘bad scenes’ discussed; honestly, I was surprised that someone who’d had such poor experiences was still willing to experiment. I was also complimented that he’d trusted me enough to try again, and I hope that he had as much fun as I did. I’d hate to be the punchline of a ‘bad scene’ story, after all.

So what is your ‘bad scene’ story? What went wrong, and, more importantly, what (if anything) could you have done to have prevented it? Was it funny or scary or surreal or….?

I think it’ll be interesting for others to see that they’re not the only ones who’ve been working on a spanko learning curve, and that it’s okay to admit that it takes a while to figure it all out.

(**Please have sense enough to not use the actual person’s name when telling your bad scene story – we’re not trying to build a database, just get it out of our systems.**)

 

Here’s one of mine (there haven’t been many) and it’s a short one:

 

A few years ago (I’d just begun traveling in earnest), in *insert city here*, I’d made plans to meet and spank a gentleman for the first time. We’d agreed upon a pretty generic get-to-know-you spanking, and he’d not given any indication that he was anything other than perfectly lovely, so when I met a somewhat youngish (30s), well-dressed smiling guy I thought, “This should be fun.”

I was so. very. wrong.

It was not fun. Not for me, and not for him.

Immediately, he was consternated by the lack of mirrors in the room in which we were playing. There were two; they were both quite large; they were mounted to opposite walls, reflecting the whole damn room. This was not enough reflection for this fella, clearly, and so he asked whether I had “more mirrors”.

Under most circumstances, the answer would be a confused “no”, but this time I happened to be in a professional, many-roomed playspace – the room right next door had a pedestal mirror! – so there actually WERE more mirrors. So a confused “yes” later, we had a third mirror…which he spent approximately eleven minutes (I may be exaggerating a bit) positioning *just so*.

Yes, I was beginning to get a little irritated, but figured, hell, to each his own.

So we, finally, started the spanking.

I invited him across my lap to begin the spanking over his pants, then slid them down to his knees and continued over his briefs, using just the palms of my hands. He was flinching quite a bit, so as I wiggled his briefs down I said something along the lines of, “You’re doing just fine…it’ll hurt a little more now, but just take deep breaths.”

After a couple minutes of more flinching on his part, I thought maybe he could use a little break and massaged his buns for a minute before beginning again, saying, “Okay, let’s try this again. Harder now. Relax.”

Before I could land a single swat, he sprang up from my lap, placed his hands on his hips, and said, “This isn’t working. It’s like being spanked by a cheerleader.”

Nonplussed, I invited him to dress and showed him the way out. I did not offer an apology. Honestly, I still can’t see what’s wrong with being spanked by a cheerleader (isn’t there a helluva fantasy in there someplace?!). Now, I get what the guy was trying to convey: he wanted to be Domme-d – treated, handled, and spoken-to roughly; not positively reinforced or shown tenderness or empathy. He wanted his ass whipped by a mean lady who didn’t give a flip about him.

I still offer no apology. That’s not who I am. But I will admit that that ‘insult’ still comes to mind when I think of bad scenes…and not just because I didn’t get what I wanted, but because he didn’t either. Probably would’ve helped had he made his wants and wishes clear, but not everyone’s able to verbalize that, are they?

Anyway, and here’s the great part of this story: When I saw my awesome friend Mona, also a pro-domme, and told her the story, she said, “Ohmygod, The Mirror Guy! I know him! EVERYBODY knows him!!”

We’ve ALL been there.

 

–  Dana

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Conversations with Spankos : One question. A million answers.

(*Remember, this is only a ‘conversation’ if you comment in the box below, so that other readers can share in the experience. Sending your comment in an email to me sort of defeats the point.)

 

Readers,

One of the most often discussed topics for new and exploring spankos (and many old hats, too) is, “Where does it come from?” 

I don’t know if we ever figure it out completely, and I think that that’s probably a very good thing (as the unknown causes us to explore) but I still want to know what you think about this short, not-so-simple question:

Where does IT come from?

Your spanking fetish. Your need. Your interest. Whatever you want to call it. When and where do you think yours derived, or can you not remember a time when you weren’t ‘already into’ spanking?

(We usually avoid pre-adult spanking conversations here, but I’m going to relax this a bit for obvious reasons – most of us were interested in spanking before we were able to drive so it reasons that we’d need to talk about it in terms of age and experience.)

Maybe we can all figure it out together…

 

–  Dana

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Conversations with Spankos Ch. 26 : The Vault

 

Readers,

I’m going to begin this post with a Seinfeld reference, so all those under the age of thirty may take time now to do a google search on it…go ahead, we’ll wait…all caught up? Okay, here we go.

When Jerry, George, and Elaine wanted to express to one another that they were worthy of keeping what may be a very big secret, they’d say ‘I’ll put it in the vault.’ Meaning obvious : the information you’re considering sharing with me is locked away tightly and only I have the key. The great thing about Seinfeld was that things very rarely managed to stay in anybody’s vault for very long and, at the appropriate moment, much hilarity would ensue.

This low-security-secret-keeping is rarely humorous, however, when folks open their vaults in real life – yet it is something which happens all the time, to every one of us at some point(s). We tell someone something which is labeled Secret and they tell someone else, usually keeping the label the same – Secret – which means that the person they just told is supposed to hold him or herself to a higher standard than the vault-opener. But then that person disregards the label also and eventually, rather than hilarity, all hell ensues.

When the information that’s un-vaulted is of a, say, adult nature, the consequences can be catastrophic.

I’ve heard stories about folks in the kink/spanking/bdsm scene who’ve had their vaulted information shared, sometimes with a vengeance and sometimes by mere ignorant chance. The term usually used is ‘outed’, just the same as when someone’s sexual or gender orientation is shared without consent. 

Talking to an acquaintance recently reminded me of just how much most folks with a kinky bend are risking every single time they make contact, of any kind, with another person. Every person in her life knew different things about her – some had no idea that there was any kink of any kind whatsoever ever ever and thought she was just as ‘normal’ as them (whatever that is), and some were rightfully curious/suspicious about a few unusual occurrences or comments they’d overheard, while some were in the loop enough to know that she did some ‘wild’ stuff every now and then. What a juggling routine it seemed to me, and how to decide where to position each new person in life – how to decide how much they should know – and when to be oh-so-very careful with someone who is nosier than all hell.

I’m not so much interested in why people have to separate their kink from the rest of their lives – I get it. My question is : How does it FEEL to have to guard your vault, to decide who’s worthy of a peek and who to trust with the key? What can another person do to insure that you can trust them with your secrets? And how likely do you think it is that you’ll be un-vaulted?

 

–  Dana

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Conversations with Spankos : This Thing We (don’t) Do

 

Readers,

Waxing philosophical. 

This isn’t about what happens when we play, but what happens when we don’t.

Even if you are one of the Lucky Ones – those who have someone close with whom you play on a regular basis – sometimes life simply gets in the way. We can’t always be Toppy-Tip-Top and Bottomy-Spankbuns; sometimes we have to be ourselves…our boring, workaday, no-time-or-energy-for-spanking-selves.

I’ve encountered this issue when talking with couple-friends, and also simply when reading the blogs of other spankos; there are times when spanking simply will not fit into our lives. Usually, we simply allow the other things going on to crowd it out: had to get up early this morning, didn’t sleep well last night, hip kinda hurts, work was particularly gnarly, ad nauseam. Sound familiar? 

It’s easy to set aside the things we most enjoy when Real Life comes knocking, demanding our attentions and energies. Giving up our pleasures reinforces to us that we’re making a Sacrifice by living our day-to-day lives, and that only when things are smooth will we ‘deserve’ to enjoy those pleasures again. In denying ourselves the things we truly enjoy, we further insure that things will not be fun in the near future. Before you know it, it’s all work and no play, and Jack has become a very dull boy.

Maybe the idea of giving or receiving a spanking sounds like the least appealing thing to you right now, because there’s just too much other crap going on and you don’t feel like it. So you wait til tomorrow. Tomorrow something’s going to happen – there’s a mystery transaction which the bank needs you to sort out in person, or the cat’s all of a sudden making a very strange noise which causes you to rush off to the vet. The point is that there will always, always, always be things which stand in direct contrast to our interest in making spanking (feel free to insert any pleasurable activity here, as it’s really all the same) a ‘regular’ part of our lives. Whether we go the extra mile in carving out intentional time for it is up to us.

Example : exercise. Nobody really likes to exercise. Not really really. Especially at first, developing a regular exercise routine can be exquisite torture – the first two weeks are hunky dory, but things usually get pretty ugly before you get past the part where you’d rather shove a stranger than get back on that damned treadmill again. But you do it anyway, because you want to live longer…and because you feel good after. Also because it will likely make your butt look better, which is an excellent added bonus for any spanko, top or bottom.

Same with spanking, right? You feel good after. It’s the Before that we need to work on. As in many areas of our lives, we often get into the groove of talking rather than doing. We talk about our want, need, and desire to play; we talk about all the things (read: excuses) which are seemingly intent upon making that desire go unmet; and, if we leave it long enough, we talk about whose fault it is that we are feeling unhappy and unfulfilled.

It is my most personal opinion that we all talk entirely too damn much.

So what if you’ve had a hectic day? We’ve ALL had a hectic day. Every adult human on this planet is met with myriad stressors on a daily basis. Using those stressors as excuses to avoid pleasure is, in a word, hooey.

It’s when our lives are most stressed that we need the most relief. If spanking play registers as relief for you, what possible good are you doing by disallowing time and energy to it’s pursuit?

Weigh in here, please. What gets in the way of your pleasure? And, if you’re able to see it from my perspective, why do you allow it? What can we do to make sure that we have the foresight to always make time for joy?

 

–  Dana

 

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Conversations with Spankos : You’re Doing It Wrong

 

Readers,

A recent Conversation about Fantasy vs. Reality spawned another line of thought – and an excellent one, at that.

What happens if, as a spanko, you’re lucky enough to :

a) be in a relationship

b)have a partner who’s open to spanking, if not an all-out spanko, and

c)have the opportunity to be spanked relatively regularly by said partner

but…

They suck at it?

 

We’ve all had less-than-perfect spankings, where the spanker chose an intensity, rhythm, or implement which wasn’t necessarily tops on our list; I’m not talking about the occasional imperfect scene.

I mean, what does one do when, no matter how many times they try, the spanker just can’t manage to pull a good spanking out of their hat to save his or her life?

It sounds like I’m being glib about this, and maybe a little levity is a Good Thing, because this seems like a Big Problem to me. When practice *doesn’t* make perfect – what do you say? 

Back in the days when my ego would still tolerate a spanking, I threw out a couple “Umm, what exactly are you doing back there” ‘s, and maybe a few “Yeah, this isn’t going to work” ‘s, to boot. A hard spanking was tolerable, but a bad one wasn’t. Ever. (It’s fair to mention that these were not relationship-partner spankings, so I wasn’t terribly emotionally attached to the spanker’s response.)

But what about when the spankee IS emotionally attached to the spanker’s response? What if the spankee, as my aforementioned playmates (who definitely do not have an issue in the how-well-she-spanks dept.), is the only spanko in the equation, and doesn’t want to ‘look a gift spanking in the paddle’, so to speak?

I’m interested in hearing about how other spankos have handled this delicate situation, and I’m sure that your fellow readers are, too…

 

–  Dana

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Conversations with Spankos : Public Spanking?

 

Readers,

 

I know, from talks with many of my playmates, that public spankings play a large role in our spanko fantasies. For myself, having had the opportunity to dole out a few semi-public spankings (thanks to Angel, the VBB and his WW, and My Bottom’s Bottom), there is certainly an element of naughtiness, for both the spanker and the spankee. I’ve no interest in having to explain myself to passersby – or to the authorities, for that matter – but at least so far the fun has outweighed any perceived risk, and as we’ve recently spoken about the differences between fantasy and reality, I’m not touching on whether the concept is actually doable for anyone/everyone, but about what the fantasy means to us…

It tickles me that whomever is with me, in a public setting, may be unsure of whether or not I’m willing to spank them – right then and there – in front of anyone who may choose to look; whether it will be one or two ‘warning swats’, or whether I’ll have the audacity to pull out my hairbrush and really go to town. Simply the implied threat alone is enough to fulfill my need to make you sweat in public…

File0001
What if I pulled you into the restroom right now, and spanked you for flirting with the waitress?

 

Is this an exhibitionist streak which runs alongside our spanko-ness? Do we really *want* to get caught, or is the idea of getting caught, of being overheard, of others knowing what we’re doing, the goal? What drives the fantasy of pulling to the side of a dusty country road for a paddling, or stepping out onto the balcony for an early morning OTK?

As I’ve shared with several playmates, my personal public spanking fantasy of late has involved the Las Vegas strip, and a brave paddle-holding boy wearing a sandwich board announcing ‘It’s My Birthday!’.  I, of course, would simply watch, utterly amused, as perfect strangers stride up, read the sign, laugh, and grab the paddle from my playmate in order to deliver his ‘birthday whacks’. I’m sure that there would be no lack of takers, based on the fact that most folks come here to do things they’d never have the chance to do at home…i.e. spanking a perfect stranger on the Las Vegas strip in broad daylight. (The YouTube video would go viral.)

This, I can assure you, would bring me no end of pleasure.

 

–  Dana

 

P.S. This is where you jump in…have you? Would you? Or do you just love the idea?

 

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Conversations with Spankos : Fantasy vs Reality

 

 

Readers,

 

What happens when you get exactly what you want, only to find out – quickly – that you didn’t, in fact, want it after all?

This topic has popped up a few times recently, and most notably with a lovely couple that I see annually for a fun/instructional spanking session. He’s the spanko, and the bottom, and she’s the loving and willing, if not fully enthused, spanker. After many years of back-and-forth on the subject of spanking as it relates to their relationship, they’ve come to a good, if often overlooked, agreement : he can ask for an occasional spanking, and she can assign one when/if she feels necessary.

Except. He doesn’t always comply with the spankings which she deems necessary. He says that he always feels as though he wants and needs a disciplinary spanking – and either asks for them outright or behaves in some way as to warrant them, but when it comes down to brass tacks, it just hurts too darn much, and he usually ends up calling an end to the spanking quickly. Since his partner isn’t emotionally invested in the spankings, she usually lets him have his way and ends the spanking.

His fantasy is better than the reality.

The idea of receiving a hard, disciplinary OTK hairbrush spanking certainly tweaks the fantasy gland of many spankos – but is it all it’s cracked up to be? And should you be more careful what you wish for?

In the case of my aforementioned spanko friends, I suggested that he sign an agreement, specifying that he will accept, unquestioningly, any disciplinary spanking which his partner deems necessary, for the next ninety days. During this time, if he does request that she stop or modify the discipline, she should ignore his protests and remind him that he’s getting exactly what he’s asked for – literally and metaphorically, and keep right on spanking until she’s done.

I also suggested that he, the spanko, remember that his partner is showing much understanding, love, and willingness to compromise when it comes to a fetish which she does not share – and that he shouldn’t look a gift spanking in the mouth; at the end of this ninety day agreement, he should either learn to accept her discretion when it comes to spankings (understanding, of course, that no discipline which she’s attempted to carry out has been beyond the realm of reasonable spanking intensity; we’re not talking about hardcore beatings here), or stop asking for them.

While they’ve both agreed that this is a sensible course of action, I’m wondering whether you agree….have I given too much discretion to the top/non-spanko? Or does the spanko have a responsibility to his partner to put up or shut up, so to speak? If the spankee is always in control of the discipline, is it really discipline at all, and is the fantasy therefore unattainable?

What do you think?…

 

–  Dana

 

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Conversations with Spankos: Chapter 21 ‘Hide and Seek’


Readers,

One of the conversations which I have with many of my spanko friends and playmates seems an inevitable one : When did we ‘find’ spanking?

Not when did we discover our interest/fascination/obsession, but when did we find the larger spanko community? 

For many, their Hide and Seek brought them, in the early days, to NuWest, Lupus, and Shadow Lane. Stand Corrected seems to be the catalyst to many spankos of that generation, being their first tangible evidence that other spankos in fact existed. Most point to classfied ads in the backs of kinky magazines and big city newspapers as the key to their finding these early treasure troves of spanko connectivity, and many in the Northeast remember Times Square as a place where sex, kink, and fetish could once be found in abundance. (I know of at least one place left in Times Square, by the way, where spanking materials may still be purchased, via a friend who has firsthand knowledge, although I’ve not visited. Yet.)

The younger generation have had the advantage of the internet to connect them to others who share their interests, so I’m sure that the path wasn’t quite as long or rocky, but I’m still interested in your first exposures to the greater spanking world – whether it was a website, magazine, or (as I’ve heard several times as well) a naughty story in Playboy or Penthouse Forum magazines.

We all Hid, but we also all Sought, and we all Found. 

For me, it was simple and somewhat shocking. After moving to Los Angeles from my teeny Texas town, I was gobsmacked by the enormity of the general BDSM scene. Although it took a while to weed the spankos out of the wider community, it became immediately obvious to me that geography means everything when it comes to fetish. If you’re in a rural area, your chances for contact with other spankos is drastically diminished, even with the internet at our disposal, and the feeling of isolation is increased. From that side of the experience spectrum, I observed that folks in the Big City appeared to have many more opportunities, much earlier, for freedom of exploration. 

I’m still coming to terms with the apparent teeming masses of spanking fetishists on the planet, and I think we’ve still only scratched the surface of ‘out’ spankos – many more in than out.

I wonder when and where they’ll find us?

–  Dana

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos (Ch. 20) : An Exchange of Money for Goods or Services


Readers, 

 In a nutshell, ‘an exchange of money for goods and/or services’ is the definition of trade. 

Trade is a term nearly interchangeable with the word business. 

Businesses create jobs, wherein people are employed and (hopefully) paid a reasonable salary. Those people use their salaries to pay other people for other goods and/or services, and the circle of trade is unbroken. 

 Consumers (those people we talked about who are, presumably, employed and earning a reasonable salary) participate in different types of trade depending on many factors, including age, gender, social status, geography, and most certainly, need. 

 Need, or the perception of it, is what makes us go to the department store and pay (again, presumably) hard-earned money for items we do not already possess. Have a big wedding coming up and don’t have a blender capable of making cake for 48? Buy one. Need more Band-aid brand bandages or Kleenex brand tissues? Hell, now you can even have them delivered right to your door – by a person who’s being paid to wear that snappy brown outfit, I might add. There are dozens of workers instrumental in getting your tissues to your door, from the person who pours the stuff that will become tissue paper into the vat to the one who designs those hideous countertop boxes, right down to the salesperson who calls your local market every week to see how many tissues they’ll be needing delivered. 

Then there’s want. Want is often misinterpreted as need, because want can become big and strong and overpowering and morph itself into need when pressed. For instance, you don’t really need that new sofa – your current sofa is in fine condition, really, you’ve just grown to despise it over the years because it just sits there being all Southwestern-y, long after Southwestern is out – but you’re eyeballing a comfy-looking oversize in tan leather all the same. Sure, it’ll cost a bit of money, but just look at it! It beckons you, and you can practically feel how much more aligned your spine will be while watching reruns of LA Law. Besides, what has that old sofa done for you lately, huh? Yep. You’re right. You WANT this, and you want it now. 

 I’m sure you all get my upcoming point already, don’t you? I’m not one of the first several hundred to have written on this subject, and won’t be one of the last several hundred, either. It’s something that’s there, whether we talk about it or not. So let’s talk about it. 

 People Who Get Paid to Do Sex Work and why some people dislike them (us).


Where to begin, really? First, I’ll clarify that, for the purposes of this conversation, I’m using the term People Who Get Paid to Do Sex Work as folks of any sex or gender who earn compensation as pros, models, performers, production crew, and/or other ancillary positions related to the adult entertainment industry. This, for most of the world, includes spanking and BDSM. (If you find  yourself in said employ and have a problem with the term Sex Worker, I don’t know what to say. Honestly.)

We’ve all heard/read them, and maybe some of you have even said: “I would never pay for it.” (liar), “They’re no better than prostitutes.” (your point?), “F*ck that b*tch. She doesn’t deserve to get paid to do what I do for free.” (a personal favorite), and the always sensible “He/she should get a real job.”

Let’s address these concerns one at a time, shall we?

1.  “I would never pay for it.”

You paid Tom Cruise $20 million dollars to make the fourth installment of whatever-it-was-movie. Yes, you did. 
You also paid that kid at Taco Bell to make your lunch yesterday (which is why you feel like crap today). 
You’re also paying some stranger in a suit and Wall Street high-rise to manage the loan on the house you’re sitting in right now, and likely for the computer you’re using, too.

All of those things suck.

But paying for pleasure is wrong? Wait a minute…what about massages? Yoga classes? Visits to your friendly local psychopharmacologist? All those things are about health, happiness, and wellness and we pay for those things every day.
Where’s the disconnect? You tell me.

2.  “They’re no better than prostitutes.”

See #1. Seriously. And, in your spare time, think about doing a bit of evolving.

3.  “F*ck that b*tch. She doesn’t deserve to get paid to do what I do for free.”

This is one especially for performers, as each and every girl I know has, at one time or another, been given grief (usually remotely, as grief-givers are naturally passive-aggressive) about their professions. We are not bitches, nor are we heartless vixens out to pilfer the wallets of every godfearing man and woman on the planet.
Just like the guy who cooked my delivery dinner deserved to get paid for doing something that I could have easily, cheaply, and – I compliment myself here – more tastily prepared, Sex Workers deserve to get paid to do what they do. Whether you do it or not. Even if you’re better at it. 

Why? Because there is massive, massive demand. Lots of folks want to participate in things which they may not necessarily be willing to share with the world. Pros and performers get paid specifically for that reason – because they’re doing it. You’re not.

While we’re here, I’ll also touch on the fact that none of us would ever be so bold as to contact a plumber and suggest that he do some work for us pro bono. We all know that the plumber would just laugh and laugh and laugh..

4.  “He/she should get a real job.”

When you’ve spent the money, invested the time, and worked to perfect the craft, that IS a real job.


Now that I’ve put much more than my usual two cents in, I’d like to know your thoughts. Please share your comments in the box below, and we’ll discuss this controversial subject a bit more.

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos: What goes on in your head?


Readers,

Warning: This may get a bit silly.

Since none of us could be truthful in saying that our minds are ever blank when we’re spanking (or being spanked), I’d like to know what you’re thinking about during.

Our minds wander, it’s true. And it’s also completely natural that sometimes we’re doing one thing while thinking of another, wholly unrelated, thing. With that understood, where do you wander during play? Are you thinking two steps ahead of your playmate, or are you composing your shopping list, or is there that song that just won’t stop playing inside your head?

Most of the time,  I am wrapped up in the feel, sound, and all-round sensory experience of the spanking, but occasionally, well, something happens…

I can’t control it, and have no idea when or where it will present itself…

but once in a while, as I am happily smacking away at some naughty boy or girl across my lap,

one song pops up from the deepest depths of my subconscious.

I cannot help but time my smacks to the insistent beat of the music running through my hands.

It’s a classic, and I know you all know it.

So sing (or spank) along with me, now…




 

 
 

 
 

This is totally inexplicable, isn’t it? I  make no excuse other than that it does, indeed, make for a nice spanking rhythm:
 

 
 

I
 

I
 

I
 

I’m
 

Stayin’ 
 

alive
 

Stayin’ 
 

alive
 

 
 

 
 

Your turn…
 

 
 

–  Dana
 

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos (Ch.18) : Getting Your Groove On?


Readers,

For your spanking-enthusiast-related activities, do you enjoy a little slap and tickle…or just the slap?

I know that circumstances surrounding spanking play can vary drastically from experience to experience, and that our playmates are not necessarily our bedmates – but what do we really prefer?

For me, spanking is not an outright sexually-motivated activity. Sensual, yes. Intimate, definitely. But not sexual. Spanking does not, for me, cause an unrelenting urge to insert tab A into slot B.

What it does cause is a wave of adrenaline and endorphins which takes hours to subside. Heady, powerful; still not sexual. The physical act of touching, rubbing, caressing, and yes, even slapping, another person’s nude bottom is one of the most pleasurable sensations imaginable to me, yet all that pleasure still doesn’t equal coitus in my mind. 

Similarly, when perusing spanking videos I find that I am most often attracted to scenes which don’t incorporate heavily sexual situations. Peeks are great and innuendo is titillating; make-out scenes can be hot; but I usually am not interested in seeing the spankee and spanker get it on before, during, or after the spanking takes place. Don’t misinterpret this as an aversion to porn – I, like most everyone else, have a healthy interest in pornography, but for some reason am much less interested in having it incorporated into spanking films.

It’s likely that I am in the minority on this subject, so I am very interested in what others think: how do sex and spanking go together for you?

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos: Ch. 17 (When Spanking’s Not the Answer)


As a spankophile and disciplinarian, I heartily adhere to the idea that not all offenses are spank-worthy. 

It’s no secret that some spank-cravers will go to great lengths to ‘earn’ a spanking – bratting, self-destructive acts, outright defiance, and the like, are employed to try and earn a spanking reaction from their spanker..it’s fun for them.  

This manipulative behavior rarely results in a spanking from me, as I am usually sure that that’s exactly what said brat wants. Spanking him or her for this type of behavior only further reinforces the likelihood of this scenario occurring over and over again. Non-corporal punishments, however, are sometimes really very excruciating exercises which are guaranteed to contain no ‘fun’ whatsoever.

Writing assignments are very effective. A typical assignment may be anything from handwritten lines to Accountability Reports to a written report on specific bad behaviors. (Accountability…very important.)

Corner/quiet time is sometimes also effective, although for some spanking enthusiasts it’s part of the private shaming or embarrassment (i.e. ‘fun’) part.

I’ve instructed a playmate to look at himself in the mirror every morning and repeat positive, self-affirming statements. This was quite possibly the most torturous non-corporal punishment to date – at least in his opinion.

Mouthsoaping also falls under the ‘sometimes fun’ category – at least in fantasy. I’ve found that, even though many spankos fantasize about this non-corporal punishment, many find it absolutely disgusting in practice. Careful what you wish for..


I also believe that some behaviors are naughty enough to warrant both a spanking AND some sort of non-corporal punishment.

In a few cases, I’ve videotaped and publicly released the spanking punishments of my personal playmates. This public shaming has an entirely different effect on the psyche of the spankee, as now, theoretically, the whole world will know what they’ve done.

The Naughty Bench comes in handy after a good discipline spanking, as well. It’s constructed to be as uncomfortable as possible on a recently-spanked bottom, and a few minutes on the Bench is an excellent reinforcement to the discipline just received.

Most non-corporal punishments can naturally be paired with a hearty spanking in order to achieve a more clear and lasting understanding. Along with writing assignments, public shaming, cornertime and mouthsoaping, other excellent variations include:

Household chores
Forced panty-wearing (for boys)
Reading/study assignments
Prolonged nudity
 
 
I’m interested to know which non-corporal disciplines you’ve used or experienced. What ‘works’ for you…and what doesn’t?
 
–  Dana
Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos: Ch. 16 (Discipline vs. Punishment)


Readers,

I wonder what we all consider to be the difference(s) between Discipline and Punishment? What, for instance, is the fundamental purpose of Discipline – and what purpose does Punishment serve? Is it all about the severity of the offense, or is it more about the severity of the spanking? 

As examples, I’ll use a few of my own personal playmates (all of whom are fine with being mentioned in my writing by now, I hope):

Angel and The Very Bad Boy’s Delrin Punishments were assigned when they both crossed the lines of acceptable bratting, repeatedly, after having been warned against such behavior. They both misbehaved by sending bratty ‘Tweets’ (on the social networking site Twitter), publicly, and for everyone to see.
 Their punishments were not only somewhat severe in execution, but were videotaped and shared (online, free, for everyone to see). Both the corporal part of the punishments and the public shaming associated with sharing the videos were intended to show them both exactly how displeased I was with their continued line-crossing. It was a matter of not only their behaviors, but their treatment of me, their disciplinarian. 
(It’s worth mentioning that they’re both on their best behaviors – most of the time – now.)

Discipline spankings happen a lot around here. My honey at home is always willfully getting himself into some kind of trouble. In recent weeks, and because life sometimes gets in the way of nearly everything, he’s not been spanked much. It’s safe to say that his behavior has gotten a bit out of control.
So I’ve devised some discipline for him. If he wants to act silly all the time, then I’m going to make him FEEL silly. I’ve found a lovely song from kindergarten ‘Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes’ online (google it), and am going to stand him in the middle of the room and whack him with a paddle every time he sings ‘Toes’. 
I’m trying to discipline him without reinforcing his brattiness by making it ‘fun’ for him (i.e. otk hand spanking), and associate something silly/embarrassing with that behavior in the future. (Don’t think for a second that I am dumb enough to believe that this will forever correct his brattiness, though.)


So what makes one of these a Discipline spanking and the other a Punishment?
For me it’s about whether or not the offender has crossed some quite-possibly-subjective line of “acceptable badness”. We should all encourage and enjoy a certain amount of sass from our bottoms, but we each have personal limits which we don’t want exceeded. Sometimes those limits are easy to define – sometimes not so much. 

Help me clear it up? What separates Discipline and Punishment, in your opinion?…

–  Dana

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos Bonus: Reader Submitted Subject


Readers,

The recent posting where I asked what other ‘Conversations with Spankos’ you’d like to have garnered quite a bit of feedback, and we’ll be talking about several new subjects in coming months.

This one, about “Alpha Submissives” derives from a recent conversation with a new playmate. He brought up the subject of the Alpha submissive, a term which I hadn’t heard of previously(…but instantly made me think of Erica Scott!) I told him that I’m sure there are many people out there who identify as bottoms or submissives who have very strong personalities, even within the context of play (still thinking of Erica here). 

I think that the actual conversation here is whether, and to what extent, a bottom/submissive can, should, and will assert him or herself into the dynamics of a consensual adult BDSM encounter.

Below, quoted from my playmate – a definition of sorts, and some points he’s interested in talking about:




“An alpha submissive is a rare breed among submissive women. Alpha submissives are freakishly smart, strong and capable which makes dominating them a treasured experience.”

Discussion questions:

Do alpha submissives exist?
Is the concept limited to women?



Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos: Ch. 15 : What do YOU want to talk about?

Readers,

After more than a dozen posts under the umbrella of ‘Conversations with Spankos’, I’m interested to see what you’re interested in this year. What haven’t we covered thus far that’s of interest to your spanko mind?

In the past couple years, we’ve discussed things like safe words, gender preferences, boundaries, and bratting. We’ve touched on the subjects of ageplay, ‘outing’, and whether or not the stature of your top is relevant. Some things silly, some things serious, but all things we’ve all likely talked (or thought) about at least once.

I have some ideas for the upcoming year and ‘Conversations with Spankos’ (including a post on non-corporal punishments which I’m looking forward to, and another on the differences between discipline and punishment), but I always want to know what else you want to talk about. On what other things, big or small, in the world of spanking can we share our thoughts with one another?

Talk to me, spanko people. What do you want to talk about?

–  Dana  

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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‘The Future of Spanking’ : Conversations with Spankos Ch. 14

Readers,

A couple weeks after a fun round of spanking and conversation with one of my wonderful playmates, I received an email from him, following up on our previous conversation.

We discussed that the era in which many of us were reared – one of acceptable, permissible, and even advisable corporal punishment – is coming to an end. Most public and private schools no longer employ the ‘three licks’ method of discipline, and many states and countries have outlawed the practice altogether. Also, many caregivers now choose other, less physical ways of teaching, like TimeOuts.

My friend and I wondered whether, by removing the experience, either direct or remote, of corporal punishment from early development would render the world spanko-less one day….or at least spanko-light. And whether the natural changes of lifestyles and environments would put a different ‘spin’, so to speak, on spanking play.

This is neither pro nor con early corporal punishment, and not meant to be a discussion of early-life experiences. Instead, I am curious whether, when taken out of the environment altogether, spanking would still become a distraction, and in such numbers as in previous generations. 

And, if the spanking fetish does still thrive, will the fantasies be contextually the same?  Here, I’m addressing specifically the seemingly very common thread which runs throughout the current, mature spanko population – conservative, traditional domestic scenarios. Current generations haven’t grown up on the same Sears&Roebuck catalog fantasies as their predecessors – they’ve cut their teeth on Victoria’s Secret and Brazilian bikinis, after all.

What do you think? Will the new generation of spankos be hard-wired in the same way as we? And how will the natural changes in the world around us change the process and execution of the fetish?

–  Dana

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos (Ch. 13) Tickle Torture

Readers,

The subject of Boundaries came up in recent visits with one of my wonderful NYC playmates. He’s quite ticklish, you see, and I have an extremely difficult time – every time – in not tickling him mercilessly. 

I do believe that tickling is one of the purest forms of torture, given that the receiver is never really in any pain whatsoever, yet at the same time would likely sign over his or her firstborn if you’d only stop with the tickling.

This does not stop me from coming ever-so-close to crossing that boundary with my playmate.

Nor does the fact that I, too, am extremely, painfully ticklish.

I readily admit that, on the occasion of our most recent meeting, my poor and tickle-shocked playmate looked me directly in the eye and implored that I please, for the love of all things good and gentle, not tickle him this time. Please.

I finally managed to control my sadistic impulse, and we passed a lovely time of spanking, scolding, and stimulating conversation.

However, I cannot promise that it won’t happen again. Why? It’s not that I don’t respect my playmate’s boundaries – I honestly and genuinely do – but it’s just so damn hard to not slide my fingernails down his hips between spankings. There, I’ve said it. It’s completely selfish. I am hoping for strength on this subject.

Tickling is a boundary, and if I tickle this particular playmate then I’ve crossed his boundary.

Obviously, while tickling may not seem to you an unpardonable crime, boundaries come in all forms; many people have intensity and implement limits, lots of us have opinions on things like restraint, humiliation, and role-plays.

My question for you other spankos is this: How cognizant are you of your playmates’ boundaries? And how often are we compelled to cross them?

What, in your opinion, constitutes Unacceptable Boundary Behavior?

–  Dana

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos (Ch.12): Bratting


Since bratting has been somewhat of a theme in my personal life of late, I thought that it would make an excellent topic of conversation today.

If you’ve seen the recently posted Angel’s Delrin Punishment video (and others), you are well aware of my personal opinions on things like bratting, ‘topping from the bottom’, and Asking For It. These are, in my opinion,titles we use for those times when a spanko wants/needs a spanking and won’t just come out and say so. Yes, the bratting is part of the fun – and some spankings would be much less enjoyable without a bit of it – but the outcome for the bottom is the same: a sound spanking.

And where would we tops be without playmates who are willing to misbehave in order to gain our attentions?

Many of my playmates tell me outright that they’re unapologetic brats, and that they have all intention to use those brat skills to push my buttons, so to speak. This always tickles me to no end. Without their hard work and attention to detail I would rarely have the opportunity to state indignantly “How DARE you do that, young man (or young lady)?!”

But sometimes line-crossing occurs; playful bottoms become so engaged in their fun bratting activities that it is sometimes forgotten that this isn’t entirely a ‘game’. To my mind, there must be some inherent top/bottom-perspective respect – from all parties – for the protocols of power exchange. This means that, at some point, bratting must be dealt with, and without prejudice, anger, or resentment. 

This is an excellent time for you (tops, bottoms, and especially switches) to give your perspectives on bratting – is this behavior which you encourage or actively participate? What do you feel are the reasons that spanking play is so often associated with brat behavior? Is the brat persona real, or manufactured?

 –  Dana

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos CH.11 : Let’s Talk About Sex (as in Gender)



It seems natural that our spanking proclivities would run along similar lines as our sexualities…or does it?


Even for those of us in the spanking community who do not find our spanking play directly motivated by sexual desires, most of us seem to play along gender preference lines. In other words, if you are a heterosexual male, whether top or bottom, your play will likely be with females. There is an inherent discomfort for some, playing with same-sex spanking partners, which arises, I think, due to the very intimate nature of this thing we do.


I am not commenting here on sexuality, sexual identity, or any -philia or -phobia. Rather, I am interested in how many of us play outside our ‘gender comfort zone’.


  –  After a talk with one of my playmates (who is male, heterosexual, strictly bottom), I have been wondering how often we step outside those comfort zones, and what that means to our overall lifetime spanking experience.  –  


During a conversation about the lack of female spankers in his relatively small town, he mentioned that he had once, in desperation, been spanked by another man. “I’m straight, but sometimes you just need a spanking, you know?”, or something to that effect, was his comment. Unfortunately, the conversation quickly moved on to another talking point and I was never able to ask the question which popped into my mind: 


‘How was it?’


The question is simple enough, but the answer could’ve been profound. 


The more I think about it, the more questions arise:


What did this experience mean to my playmate? Was it just as rewarding as a spanking from an authoritative female? Will he ever do it again? What were the nuanced differences of playing with a same-sex spanker for the first time?


My lovely friend Cali recently received her first real F/F spanking (from me, I am proud to say). She and her husband are monogamous spankos practicing LDD (read more about them on their blog), so I was particularly honored to be allowed access to her very spankable bottom. She seemed very comfortable, and can certainly take a spanking, but there’s no denying the significance of the event. 


Now I am curious (aren’t I always?)…what is your Spanking Gender Comfort Zone? And does it naturally align to your sexual/gender preferences? Have you ever stepped out of that zone for experimentation, desperation, or gratification? Or are you ready and willing to give/receive a spanking regardless of gender?

–  Dana

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos (Ch.10) : Does Size Matter?



Readers,


Get your minds out of the gutter – this is about spanking.


Over the last couple years that I’ve been playing professionally there have been numerous times that new playmates have commented, “Wow, you’re bigger than I expected!” upon meeting me. Most recently, a poor boy with his legs pinned under me as I spanked him relentlessly with my palms exclaimed, “You’re too skinny to be able to hit that hard! How can you do that?”.  (For the record, I am 5’8″ and 120lbs.)


I guess that, at least to our imaginations, size matters.


In reality, one’s size has little to do with the severity of the spanking which he or she can dish out – or take. The most perfect example is Dana Specht. Dana is petite, but fierce. There’s nothing about her countenance or stature that would suggest weakness, is there?

Even though he is nearly twice her size, this boy looks duly humbled in the presence of Dana Specht.



 
Conversely, some spankers are built like warrior-goddesses, and their imposing physiques strike fear into playmates long before the spanking ever begins. Miss Chris comes to mind here, naturally, as her  6′ height and reputation for the hardest hand spanking attest. 

Looking utterly feminine, and equally ferocious, Miss Chris is intimidating.
 
 
 
Then there are the spankees: Some with teeny little bum’s like two apples who can take a severe walloping (as in the case of my Bottom’s bottom), and some with generous backsides that are unprepared for anything more than a nice, stinging hand spanking.  There are countless spanko sizes, and so many abilities surpassing our physical makeups, so my question is:
 
 
Does size matter to you? (Are you more likely to prefer a spanker/spankee who’s smaller, therefore having the element of surprise – or someone who you find physically intimidating from the outset?
 
– Dana
 
 
 

 

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos (Ch.9): Who Knows?



Readers,


After having read her post describing Alex Reynold’s recent accidental familial outing, I am curious about the ‘out’ status of other spankos. 


My (admittedly, few) family know about my lifestyle and profession – my somewhat infamous auntie is tickled by the whole idea and asks pointed and sometimes slightly uncomfortable questions. In truth, nobody seemed particularly surprised.


My friends know, too, naturally; many of them are ‘lifestylers’ of some description or other, so our conversations are easy and free and would likely be disturbing if overheard on the train. Those who are by our terms vanilla usually do their best to seem laid-back and cool about the whole thing but aren’t very interested in the details.


But in public, social situations, I’m inclined to tell a stranger that I am a ‘consultant’, rather than try and explain what a fetishist is and possibly offend someone’s sensibilities (or blow their mind) in the process. This is done out of kindness to the kink-ignorant, in my opinion, and is not an indicator of my not being okay with who/what I am.


(As an aside, why are we all so interested in what others ‘do for a living’? It is often one of the first questions people ask new acquaintances. The answer is supposed to indicate our financial status, and is almost always boring. I think that this possibly borders on bad manners.)


A talk today with one of my friends yielded more ‘who knows’ questions, as she’s seeing someone new. Someone New isn’t sure whether he’s okay with her lifestyle/profession, and she isn’t sure that she’s okay with his uncertainty. He knew since their first meeting, when she proudly outed herself.


So, for all of you: Who knows about your fetish (or lifestyle)? And how does if affect your relationships? 


Are you ‘out’ to a group of like-minded friends, but your family and coworkers are oblivious?
Have you outed yourself, or had it done for you – and what were the implications?


And how does having to keep back a part of oneself affect our personalities?


– Dana

PS. Thanks to Alex for sharing her process, and for being a generally great woman.

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos: Chapter Eight



Readers,


I have received a number of age-play requests and comments of late, which is likely directly related to my posting blogs and videos (both in my studio and with Dreams of Spanking). While these conversations concern everything from role-play scenarios to childhood memories to issues of accountability, the similarity which I notice among most of them is regression. 


We have discussed regression previously in the context of of age-play, but I am considering now it’s wider implications relating to all disciplinary spanking play.


Consider this: Spanking is something naturally and commonly associated with our formative years; it is one of the worst forms of punishment that may be heaped upon us up until a certain age – an embarrassing and painful event. When the severity of our infractions increases, so does the severity of the spanking.
Even if we weren’t spanked at home, we watched someone else – a neighborhood friend, relative, or schoolmate suffer the fate of a spanking for something he or she had done wrong. We have all been influenced in some way by spanking, and all at an early age.


Once we reach adulthood things become much more complicated. Spankings are no longer used as a form of discipline or punishment in the adult world. Now, when we make mistakes we suffer much larger consequences. A slip-up at work may result in termination; a little misunderstanding can lead to major relationship problems; one wrong financial move and our futures are at perilous risk. 


Who wouldn’t want to return to a time when a quick spanking was just about the worst thing that could happen on any given day? This is why I am beginning to think that regression is a natural part of any discipline spanking, even those not even remotely related to age or role-play.


What else is an adult discipline spanking for, if not to hold that adult accountable for some adult action? Maybe you haven’t been sticking to your diet, so you request a spanking from your top for direction and motivation, rather than going to your doctor and confessing your non-compliance. How many of us have received spankings for tardiness, laziness, or doing naughty things when we know better? It’s safe to say that nearly all who enjoy receiving a spanking could raise a hand. As youths, if we were caught in any of those situations, that’s likely what we’d get – a good, hard spanking, and a “What were you thinking?”. As adults, repeated tardiness could result in much more dire consequences, as could numerous types of behavior termed naughty.


So we enter a fantasy world of sorts when we participate in spanking play. That forgotten memo at work won’t get you fired if you play your cards right – but you’ll likely feel a little guilty about having gotten away with it. Rather than confess to your superior and risk your job, you confess to your spanker instead, get your spanking, and feel better afterward. No harm done, and you can now get on with your day.


Most indiscretions, misdeeds, and naughty behavior are handled with spanking discipline within the world of spankos. We tops do not ask that our bottoms hold themselves to some higher adult standard which requires them to be held accountable in the real world. Accountability and redemption come through the act of receiving the spanking, and the psychological implications which go hand-in-hand with the act.




Is this not regression, if not solely in action, during every adult discipline spanking – since it’s really the most dire consequence under the circumstances?


Please do take a moment to add your comments and thoughts to the discussion by commenting in the box below.


– Dana

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos: Brutality



Readers,


What constitutes brutality, within the confines of spanking and/or corporal punishment? Is it subjective?


Conversations with Spankos: Chapter 7


I’ve seen many photos, videos, and written accounts of what could be called ‘Corporal Brutality’…extreme paddling, caning, or whipping scenes where the bottom’s bottom is reduced to smithereens. Usually, these are things which I would consider ‘brutal’. (This is not a discussion of consent, as I believe all spanking and cp-related activities should be based in consent.) I wonder..am I being judgmental? What does it matter whether the play is extra-heavy, if that is what all parties are seeking? Or is there some physical-damage-border that just shouldn’t be crossed? 


Several weeks ago, I received an email from a lovely gentleman who’d located me on the website of my friends at Caneiac.com. Following a nice introduction he explained that he’d not been disciplined in many years, and had never experienced a ‘judicial’ session. He requested that I consider helping him change that by delivering a merciless, bound punishment.


I do not often agree to scenes of this severity, for several reasons – the main one being that I am not stimulated by overt brutality. Other considerations such as health and safety of the bottom notwithstanding, it just isn’t that much fun for me to beat someone’s bottom beyond recognition. Strawberries, bruises, and deep-red cane stripes tickle me to no end, but I’m happier keeping all your blood on the inside of your body.


In this case, however, I acquiesced. There was something to the sincerity of the request..
I often tell my playmates that I can spot a spanko ‘from a mile away’ during email and conversation, and this gentleman managed to so eloquently convey his desires that I found myself happily agreeing to take him beyond anyplace he’d been before.


After securely yet comfortably binding him at four points, and with no warm up, I applied repeated heavy blows with a wicked French Martinet – which immediately broke his pale, thin skin, followed by numerous hard hits with the Naughty Stick. In most other cases, and from the condition of his bottom, I would have stopped there, but he never twitched. Never cried out. Smiled like a champion from ear to ear throughout it all, even the alcohol which I sprayed on intermittently.
So I continued.


I landed a thin, whippy rattan cane over and over and over onto his bottom and upper thighs, raising a hot, angry little welt with each impact, then followed with a much thicker cane for the final round. His bottom and thighs took dozens of hard strokes with this final cane, and were covered in radiating red-black slashes by the time I’d finished. He only screamed once.


It was intense, to say the very least. As rough as his backside looked, he was still simply beaming. I cannot describe properly the energy that was flowing at that point, but we were both immensely pleased with the experience. He has since written to say that this was one of the most amazing things he’s experienced, and I am so very grateful for that. 


Was it brutal? You betcha. 


– Dana


PS. I am always interested in reading your thoughts. Please feel free to comment below.

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos: Chapter Six



Readers,


For the last few months, I have been corresponding with a delightful lady who’s exploring her spanking interest after many years of being in the closet, so to speak. Recently she asked my opinion on:


Topping from the Bottom.  


Naturally, I have one..
I told my new friend that (at least in the context of my play) topping from the bottom is moot. For me, spanking is always consensual. We  may role-play that you’re reluctant to receive your spanking, or that you’re a terrible and incorrigible brat, but the real truth is that the only reason I have the great pleasure of spanking my playmates is that they allow me to do so. Therefore, if they choose to brat, talk back, or generally try and control the scene, it is my job as top to discourage said behavior both verbally and physically. Topping from the bottom is impossible if I am in control, and the bottom’s attempts to do so are not only amusing, but welcome.


My ‘bottom’ line? Without a bottom, there’d be no need for a top.


Tell me your opinion – what are your experiences (spankers and spankees alike) and opinions on ‘topping from the bottom’. Please share your thoughts in the comment box below.


– Dana

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos: Chapter Five



Readers,


A fun subject which I have the great good fortune to discuss fairly regularly of late is the ‘Second-Day Spanking’. Many of the female tops with whom I communicate (the WW comes to mind, naturally) enjoy the great power (and slight sadism) involved in spanking an already sore bottom. We know that even that even the thought of being spanked on a sore and swollen bottom is terrifying…and that’s the point, isn’t it?   – I should interject here that it is a certainty that male tops enjoy spanking a sore bottom just as much as we ladies do.


Many spankos fantasize of near-endless spankings – spankings which go on for hours, or drag on all throughout the day and night – spankings which, frankly, most will never really be able to endure. (That’s why it’s such a great fantasy.)


A single spanking can only last so long, even with the most practiced top and bottom, as exhaustion will certainly eventually set in. Marathon spankings of two to three hours or more are for the most brave and formidable of players.


I much prefer the Second Day Spanking. Rather than trying to wear your hide down to the bone over the course of several hours, I enjoy the idea of allowing you to spend the evening sitting uncomfortably, knowing that morning holds the promise of more. You’ll have plenty of time to think about the swats of the previous night, along with the fear of many, many more to come, as you make your slow walk toward my lap. When I lower your underpants to reveal a still-pink bottom, I cannot contain my glee. I know that this is going to sting, like hellfire, from the very first smack.




If you have an experience or opinion on Second Day Spankings, please take a moment to leave your thoughts in the comment box below.


–  Dana

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos: Chapter Four



Chapter Four:  Couples Therapy


I receive a fair amount of communication from couples. Usually, they are already engaged in some sort of spanking play, and some are living DD or FLDD relationships. A few are interested in learning about spanking from a ‘newbie’ standpoint, and have little to no prior spanking experience but lots of curiosity.


These Couple Playmates -like the VBB and his Wonderful Wife, and the Contest Winner and his Wife – are some of my most enjoyable spanking experiences. Their comfort with me and trust in the disciplinary process are great reminders of how effective domestic discipline can be for all involved when used properly.


It seems that something about ‘sharing’ the experience allows the dominant partner to explore the discipline play in ways which allow her to open up more to the process of fully spanking the living daylights out of her bottom. The most common comment that I hear from bottoms after couple play is:


“She doesn’t usually hit me that hard.”


And from the top:


“I haven’t enjoyed spanking him that much in a long time.”


I know that this is not always the case, as many partners are strictly monogamous in their spanking play…but would like to hear your opinions on ‘sharing’ discipline or play. Is this something which you and your partner have explored, either in private or at a spanking gathering? If it is, what differences do you notice in your play style, intensity levels, or mood afterward? And if not, why?


– Dana

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos: Chapter Three



I love the conversations that I have with other spankos, and the words that we use to express ourselves are so very important. This is just as true for spanking play as it is in every other aspect of life, and we set the tone and temperature of our interactions with the words that we choose to use.




Chapter Three: What’s in a Word?


We all have favorites; the ones that send the little shocks down our spines. One of the true joys of spanking a bountiful variety of playmates is the discovery of their ‘bottom code’ – the words, terms, and phrases that make the experience most genuine for them.


I know that many spankos don’t care for hefty language, cursing and yelling, and less-than-civilized behaviors while giving or receiving spankings. That being said, most all of us enjoy (or employ) verbal scolding, goading, correction, and embarrassment to some degree.


A few of the many words we use to describe the object of all this obsession/affection (and the ways in which I sometimes employ them):


Bottom – I use this one most commonly, as it has a nice, soft sound and is only a little embarrassing.
Example: “Bend over right now, mister. I’m going to give your bottom the spanking it needs.”


Tushy – The word is silly, and increases the embarrassment, especially during panty spankings.
Example: “My, my, my…your tushy looks almost as good as mine in those shiny red panties.”


Ass – Somewhat harsh, this one is usually reserved for ‘tough lady’ role-play.
Example: “If you’re man enough to show your ass in the boardroom, then you’re man enough to bare it in my office right now.”


Fanny – Another favorite, fanny is just embarrassing enough to be effective.
Example: “Go ahead and kick; I’ll stop spanking when your fanny is nice and red.”


Butt – Clinical, but good for real-life discipline issues and motivation.
Example: “You will receive ten swats with the wooden paddle every time I catch you looking at other women’s butts.”


Backside – Unsexy and hurried, I use this term when giving orders or making a point.
Example: “Turn around, palms against the wall, feet apart…and stick out that backside. This is going to sting.”




There are more, and I’d love reader’s input – which words and phrases ‘work for you’  and which ones make you cringe?   
Is it all about the language, or does delivery make a difference for you?


– Dana

Other Conversations with Spankos:
Chapter One: Isolation
Chapter Two: The Bad Scene

DanaKaneSpanks@gmail.com

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos: Chapter Two



Readers,


While we will eventually cover all sorts of fun and light-hearted spanko themes, I would like to follow ‘Chapter One: Isolation’ with another somewhat serious subject that’s come up time and again. Just today, I heard yet another story about an unfortunately common theme…




Chapter Two:  The Bad Scene


What interests me is not that they occur; not every coming-together-of-spankos is guaranteed to be spectacular. The matter for discussion, or explanation, is this:


Why would one allow a bad spanking to continue? 


I have seen good, honest, loving people throw a hissy fit in the middle of an upscale restaurant over a side dish mix-up. I have seen placid, vegan hippies yell themselves hoarse in the checkout line over discrepancies of less than a dollar. I’ve also witnessed the demise of life-long friendships over the failure to return a telephone call.
We are all so very willing to defend ourselves against any perceived insult, aren’t we?


Maybe not. Not when it comes to spanking. I have yet to hear someone end a Bad Scene story by saying “And I got up, right in the middle of it, and walked right out of there.”


What I HAVE heard:


“Well, I was there…and I really wanted to give/get a spanking.”
“I didn’t want to hurt her/his feelings.”
“I thought maybe it would get better after a while.”
“I didn’t want to look like a pus*y.”
“I was so shocked that I didn’t know what do do or say.”


Help me out here. I want to understand why we tolerate over-compensating tops, bossy bottoms, pushy party players, body odor, terrible chemistry, and spankings bordering-on-assault-and-battery? 
Why not get up, right in the middle of it, and walk right out of there?


– Dana






Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
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Conversations with Spankos: Chapter One



I have such great conversations with my fellow spankos and playmates; sometimes we are discussing our differences, but most often it is our commonalities which receive the most attention. It seems as though certain themes (the ‘spanko commons’, I guess you could call them) come up time and time again..


I’d like to take the opportunity to discuss some of these common themes here, and sort of continue the dialogues which I have enjoyed so much with like-minded friends. While I’ll never divulge personal information, obviously, many of you will still certainly recognize these conversations as similar to those you’ve had yourselves.


It seems like a lot to digest all at once, and these talks, themes, and ideas come up so randomly sometimes, that I think it will be fun to write about them a little at a time. Of course, since the title is ‘Conversations with Spankos’, I will encourage readers to share their opinions, experiences, and thoughts – the idea (as is nearly always the case with this blog) is to better know and understand myself and my fellow spanking enthusiasts.

*****



Chapter One: Isolation




Today, one of my new playmates asked me to thank Erica Scott for writing her book, ‘Late Bloomer’. He said that he read it “cover to cover” and felt as though there were many times that she could just as easily have been telling his story, too.


This is such a common thread for us, isn’t it? How many of us spent years wondering why and where and when the spanking urges came..and what the hell to do about them? Before the age of the internet, there was simply too much distance between closed doors. People don’t tell their neighbors about their fetish, and they certainly don’t tell their families or closest friends. So, until the near-anonymity of the internet made us able to reach halfway across the world and touch someone in cyberspace, there really was very little alternative for most of us. Isolation was part and parcel for most.
(I should say here that a great deal of credit for bringing spankos out of the dark before the true internet age must be given to the good people behind Shadow Lane. I cannot tell you how many of my correspondents have named Tony, Eve, and Shadow Lane’s newsletter -delivered by the good, old U.S. Postal Service!-  as their saving grace, proof that they were neither aberrant nor alone.)


Many fetishists spend large parts of their adult lives unpartnered – simply because they are unable to find and fall mutually in love with someone who shares or empathizes with their interests.  Many others enter into long-term, otherwise loving relationships with partners who neither share nor empathize – and must learn to somehow hide or avoid their urges (as one friend recently said “…because it doesn’t ever go away.”). And then there are the lucky few who have either a fellow spanko as their life partner, or someone who loves and understands them enough to make allowances.


We do not fit neatly into most common relationship structures, especially in love. As difficult as love is for ‘vanilla’ folk…what does that mean for us? Is isolation as common among spankos as it seems?


– Dana


DanaKaneSpanks@gmail.com

Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.