Chapter Four: Couples Therapy
I receive a fair amount of communication from couples. Usually, they are already engaged in some sort of spanking play, and some are living DD or FLDD relationships. A few are interested in learning about spanking from a ‘newbie’ standpoint, and have little to no prior spanking experience but lots of curiosity.
These Couple Playmates -like the VBB and his Wonderful Wife, and the Contest Winner and his Wife – are some of my most enjoyable spanking experiences. Their comfort with me and trust in the disciplinary process are great reminders of how effective domestic discipline can be for all involved when used properly.
It seems that something about ‘sharing’ the experience allows the dominant partner to explore the discipline play in ways which allow her to open up more to the process of fully spanking the living daylights out of her bottom. The most common comment that I hear from bottoms after couple play is:
“She doesn’t usually hit me that hard.”
And from the top:
“I haven’t enjoyed spanking him that much in a long time.”
I know that this is not always the case, as many partners are strictly monogamous in their spanking play…but would like to hear your opinions on ‘sharing’ discipline or play. Is this something which you and your partner have explored, either in private or at a spanking gathering? If it is, what differences do you notice in your play style, intensity levels, or mood afterward? And if not, why?
– Dana
Conversations with Spankos: Chapter Four
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We haven’t “played” with other couples but my wife has invited her sister to witness me spanked several times and a former girlfriend many years ago spanked me in the next room where her best friend heard every word. On the basis of those experiences I believe a women spanks much harder and longer if she is being observed. For my wife, obeying her in front of her sister seems to spur her on beyond what she normally hands out. Getting spanked in front of her has also made me more submissive (yes ma’am, no ma’am, etc.) toward my sister in law, something not normal for me The other thing I have noticed is my wife is much more in charge after one of those events and much quicker to call me out on my behavior. And to be honest I think I am a lot more obedient than normal after one of those spankings. The effects seem to last a long time.
Alan
My situation is unusual — my partner and I rarely play with each other, but he happily gives me over to other men for spanking. For whatever reason (and I’ve heard this from others as well), I can’t play with my man as hard as I do with my play partners. It’s a psychological thing — I’m unable to detach emotionally, and while I love to go to the edge and sometimes beyond with partners, I get upset and hurt if J goes that far. And I can’t get into the right headspace with him, either. So for us, spanking is mostly foreplay.
This freedom he allows me is part of what has kept us together for over 15 years, I think. No jealousy, no possessiveness. His attitude is: “You get to play with her; I get to take her home.” :-)
Imagine what it might be like with two competitive disciplinarians…Bill
Alan, Erica, and Bill,
Thank you all for leaving your thoughts – I think that it’s an unspoken issue for some, and helps when others who’ve experienced shared play talk about their opinions. As I said, I don’t think it’s for everyone, but for those of us who aren’t ‘spanking monogamous’ it can be a whole lot of fun.
– Dana