Readers,
I have received a number of age-play requests and comments of late, which is likely directly related to my posting blogs and videos (both in my studio and with Dreams of Spanking). While these conversations concern everything from role-play scenarios to childhood memories to issues of accountability, the similarity which I notice among most of them is regression.
We have discussed regression previously in the context of of age-play, but I am considering now it’s wider implications relating to all disciplinary spanking play.
Consider this: Spanking is something naturally and commonly associated with our formative years; it is one of the worst forms of punishment that may be heaped upon us up until a certain age – an embarrassing and painful event. When the severity of our infractions increases, so does the severity of the spanking.
Even if we weren’t spanked at home, we watched someone else – a neighborhood friend, relative, or schoolmate suffer the fate of a spanking for something he or she had done wrong. We have all been influenced in some way by spanking, and all at an early age.
Once we reach adulthood things become much more complicated. Spankings are no longer used as a form of discipline or punishment in the adult world. Now, when we make mistakes we suffer much larger consequences. A slip-up at work may result in termination; a little misunderstanding can lead to major relationship problems; one wrong financial move and our futures are at perilous risk.
Who wouldn’t want to return to a time when a quick spanking was just about the worst thing that could happen on any given day? This is why I am beginning to think that regression is a natural part of any discipline spanking, even those not even remotely related to age or role-play.
What else is an adult discipline spanking for, if not to hold that adult accountable for some adult action? Maybe you haven’t been sticking to your diet, so you request a spanking from your top for direction and motivation, rather than going to your doctor and confessing your non-compliance. How many of us have received spankings for tardiness, laziness, or doing naughty things when we know better? It’s safe to say that nearly all who enjoy receiving a spanking could raise a hand. As youths, if we were caught in any of those situations, that’s likely what we’d get – a good, hard spanking, and a “What were you thinking?”. As adults, repeated tardiness could result in much more dire consequences, as could numerous types of behavior termed naughty.
So we enter a fantasy world of sorts when we participate in spanking play. That forgotten memo at work won’t get you fired if you play your cards right – but you’ll likely feel a little guilty about having gotten away with it. Rather than confess to your superior and risk your job, you confess to your spanker instead, get your spanking, and feel better afterward. No harm done, and you can now get on with your day.
Most indiscretions, misdeeds, and naughty behavior are handled with spanking discipline within the world of spankos. We tops do not ask that our bottoms hold themselves to some higher adult standard which requires them to be held accountable in the real world. Accountability and redemption come through the act of receiving the spanking, and the psychological implications which go hand-in-hand with the act.
Is this not regression, if not solely in action, during every adult discipline spanking – since it’s really the most dire consequence under the circumstances?
Please do take a moment to add your comments and thoughts to the discussion by commenting in the box below.
– Dana
Conversations with Spankos: Chapter Eight
Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
Thank you, Dana, these are very interesting and insightful thoughts. I agree with you that there is an element of regression in all spanko play.
However, I don’t think this necessarily need be about punishment for something we’ve actually done wrong. For me that has never been part of my play. Sometimes I like to engage in age-play, but all the offences are imaginary – things I’d never have actually done during childhood/ adolescence. At other times play can simply be about ‘enjoying’ the spanking.
But yes, there is an element of regression, because an important part of spanking is going back to those years when someone else was in control, rather than my having to make decisions or take responsibility for my actions, as I do in adult life. And in relationships with spankos there are clear boundaries and a strong element of trust, similar to how it was in younger days – in contrast to everyday adult life where you know that you cannot trust everyone you engage with.
UKL
Hi Dana – I think your basic hypothesis is correct; that any adult spanking play involves a form of regression, regardless of whether age play is involved. I also agree with UKL’s comment that spankings don’t necessarily have to be about punishment for a specific real-life infraction. I don’t think these are mutually exclusive, however; I suspect that even in the absence of a specific event, there is a strong element of guilt that drives the ‘need’ to be spanked. Given that virtually all adults harbor feelings of guilt, the big question is what drives one person to seek to assuage their guilt (whether superficial and specific or deep-seated and vague) with spankings whereas others seek out other ways to resolve this conflict… Given that some spanking aficionados were spanked as a child and others never were, I wonder whether there are any specific personality traits that identify those who seek out spankings. Another interesting question is what motivates those who enjoy administering the spankings; is it (as I think Dana will postulate) a maternal or paternal drive? But is that also the case in situations where there is a sexual relationship between spanker and spankee? Is there an Oedipus/Electra complex at play in spanking relationships that are also sexual? Thoughts???
– Two Degrees of Freedom
Interesting perspective. Never thought of this. Now I will. Thank you.
I think getting spanked does bring me back to a childhood place. But in my case its about getting the attention I so desperately wanted and was not there on many levels. Dang, now I really need a therapist! But I think in a good way. Thanks Dana.
You’ve nailed it.
If possible, forgive me for disagreeing with your thesis that regression is naturally a part of any discipline spanking. I understand the term discipline spanking to include all spankings whose primary purpose is to inflict considerable pain, for otherwise, there is no term for the “other” spankings which are not erotic, sensual, done for teasing, etc. Or, maybe the “problem” would be solved by creating another category of spanking–growth and rite of passage.
I read the book Sacred Pain by Ariel Glucklich. In a wide variety of pre-Christian and even Western pre-Protestant cultures, enduring painful rites of passage–or pain as a usual practice–was an important part of the “growth” of many individuals. In some Native American Indian groups, persons would hang on hooks for various periods . . . others would place themselves where they would be bitten by ants, often leaving permanent scarrings . . . in some others, there was a rite of passage involved walking or running a gauntlet in which they were hit or beaten with sticks. That one was severe enough that some were killed on the gauntlet. Shamens as part of the becoming shamen would undergo painful trials or experiences. In the Roman times, spanking was part of some festivals, primarily Lupercalia, done for good luck or fertility . . . spanking of men and whipping of women is still done in Taiwan for good luck once a year . . . spanking of women in Poland and nearby areas is still done once a year for fun, fertility or romance, though the next day, often, the women get to spank the men back. Some cultures believed spanking was healing. Glucklich says that some of these cultures were highly creative in finding painful things for their people to do.
There are some whom you have spanked or caned severely . . . do you think that all were wishing to be a child again, or that some of them suspected or knew that it might be good for them, or that they enjoyed doing a difficult, nearly impossible thing?
Your theory is well written and well thought out, Dana. I don’t know if I agree with all of it, but I respect it and see how it could apply to many.
For me, I don’t think spanking is about regression. I can’t compare what I do now with childhood spankings at all. (BTW, I am totally against the spanking of children, which may have something to do with my opinions.) Getting a spanking as a child was about pure punishment, and being held accountable for naughtiness. The child has no choice. There is no consent.
As an adult, I CHOOSE to be spanked. Even if it is for something real, I don’t feel like I regress to a former state of being. I am not passing my accountability onto another person, my top, my disciplinarian, whatever word people choose. I am accountable to myself. I feel my own guilt, I make my own apologies, I do whatever I can to right my own mistakes. I don’t look to be spanked so that I will feel absolved and the slate cleaned; rather, I seek it because it helps me deal with the stress of my situation, whatever it may be. And also because I fetishize spanking and it ties in with sexual feelings, but that’s another subject.
I don’t think I regress so much as I release. Does that make any sense?
Thanks to you all for your thoughtful replies on the subject of regression as it relates to corporal discipline. I agree that this is not the case for all players, and my original statement may have been a bit too broad, but I am happy to have opened such an honest dialogue, and that you’ve all been willing to participate.
– Dana
Dear Dana Kane & commentators,
Perhaps another angle here: there’s a case to be made for adulthood as a continuation of childhood. For all that puberty and adult responsibilities intervene, and appear to draw a line between them, the lines may be most weakly drawn in emotional terms. If the social meaning of a spanking for an adult is entirely different, and voluntary, as Erica points out, it is possible that adulthood merely converts a fearful experience into a more generally cathartic one.
MW
I think you have hit the nail on the head- or the bum cheek right on with the brush- this is what I seek from my top-and I am looking forward to our meeting.