Since bratting has been somewhat of a theme in my personal life of late, I thought that it would make an excellent topic of conversation today.
If you’ve seen the recently posted Angel’s Delrin Punishment video (and others), you are well aware of my personal opinions on things like bratting, ‘topping from the bottom’, and Asking For It. These are, in my opinion,titles we use for those times when a spanko wants/needs a spanking and won’t just come out and say so. Yes, the bratting is part of the fun – and some spankings would be much less enjoyable without a bit of it – but the outcome for the bottom is the same: a sound spanking.
And where would we tops be without playmates who are willing to misbehave in order to gain our attentions?
Many of my playmates tell me outright that they’re unapologetic brats, and that they have all intention to use those brat skills to push my buttons, so to speak. This always tickles me to no end. Without their hard work and attention to detail I would rarely have the opportunity to state indignantly “How DARE you do that, young man (or young lady)?!”
But sometimes line-crossing occurs; playful bottoms become so engaged in their fun bratting activities that it is sometimes forgotten that this isn’t entirely a ‘game’. To my mind, there must be some inherent top/bottom-perspective respect – from all parties – for the protocols of power exchange. This means that, at some point, bratting must be dealt with, and without prejudice, anger, or resentment.
This is an excellent time for you (tops, bottoms, and especially switches) to give your perspectives on bratting – is this behavior which you encourage or actively participate? What do you feel are the reasons that spanking play is so often associated with brat behavior? Is the brat persona real, or manufactured?
– Dana
Conversations with Spankos (Ch.12): Bratting
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My preferred passion is to be a Bottom. On rare occasions I will Switch for production companies/parties, etc. But my favorite play partners are very humorous and bratty themselves. That basic style can be adjusted in many ways.
As a bottom for role plays, I’m very defiant, mouthy and hesitant to “obey.” For a specific character such as a student or disgruntled employee, I’ve sworn out loud to express my “outrgage” knowing very well this earns me harder and longer spankings. But one thing I would NEVER condone or participate in is genuine verbal abuse from one partner to another. I wouldn’t feel comfortable directing offensive names at a top unless it were an agreed upon shoot scene.
For the Top’s bratting role, I appreciate when my spanker taunts me by saying something like, “Aww. Does THAT hurt?!” The comedy carries me through the increasing soreness.
Some people do go overboard with taunts, insults, etc. If the partners respect each other there is a point to know when to back off and let the spanking achieve the desired result. I’m never too proud as a bottom to let my tops know that “Yes! I’m ‘sorry.’ I’ll behave” (for now).
Ah, one of my favorite topics, being known as a brat myself. I wrote one of my “uncommon sense” columns about this not long ago.
The teasing and banter is fun and it’s a great way for the top/bottom to connect and do a fun little dance back and forth. BUT… when bratting crosses over from provocative to just plain annoying (or worse, offensive), it’s gone too far.
My favorite metaphor: Bratting should be a tickle of a feather, not the slamming of an anvil on a top’s foot.
I think one of the reasons why the bratting thing is so popular within the spanking scene is because people feel like there has to be a reason. Many are uncomfortable with simply admitting they want a spanking, they like it, etc., so they create situations where they “deserve” one. Nothing wrong with that. But as important as knowing how to brat cleverly and subtlely is knowing when to stop. (Trust me, I had to learn this myself!)
Interesting Topic that I’ve felt compelled to respond to, since half the spanking world now knows myself and The Very Bad Boy as the community’s most determined, sometimes blindly unaware, brats. I’m not sure about TheVBB, but I don’t think I’d be going out on a limb to believe he shares some of the same philosophies that I do, although I do think he is somewhat more masochistic than I am.
Personally, I often act out (either in subtle or not-so-subtle ways) for attention, and it’s not just always “spanking attention.” I feel that I have a self-conscious need to have my role recognized if I start to feel too comfortable around a Domme or Top whom I have a relationship with that goes a little beyond the level of friendship. It’s often the case I need some kind of reassurance that someone is there to be in control, and that can be quite problematic because if I am not in a strictly personal D/s or DD relationship with this person, it might feel to them quite burdensome. And I end up feeling guilty for pressuring one into such a position.
Yet, that has never stopped me from exercising my compulsion to psychologically regress and demand this from them, partially because my experience and social skills (or lack thereof) cannot properly advise me how to interact with a Domme or Top (at least those who I would like to be topped by) in a non D/s way. It just doesn’t feel natural to me. Sometimes being around a Domme or Top who does not express some kind of dominance makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and out of place, and I will often unconsciously (but sometimes consciously) modify my behavior to distract myself from this discomfort and elicit a response that lifts the anxiety. This doesn’t necessarily mean the response needs to be a spanking, or even that a spanking is what I am seeking. A settling response can be a spanking naturally – but it can also be a look, a gesture, a tone, a warning/scolding, being put in the corner, writing lines – anything really that has a “punishing” effect. 95% of the time there need not be a big production and I will respond to these methods and adjust my attitude accordingly. Usually this means becoming very passive, sweet and adopting the attitude of being particularly pleasing in nature. This is how I am generally, but sometimes that gets away from me.
~Angel
******My entire response was too long to post here. If you are so inclined, please do visit my site to read the entire thing. Copy and paste this link into your browser: http://angelspanked.com/2012/08/17/response-to-conversations-wspankos-chapter-12/
I literally had to copy and paste the question so i can answer each one specifically in my personal opinion.
Is this behavior which you encourage or actively participate? yes I do participate in some form of brattines.
What do you feel are the reasons that spanking play is so often associated with brat behavior? Normally it is associated one with the other because, when misbehavior is found in an individual most people affume that person is a brat, spoiled and needs to be disciplined spanked, or whatever form of discipline you can think off.
Is the brat persona real, or manufactured? I would say both in my opinion, firstly it is real because. your dealing with boundaries, and normally human behavior we get a thrill of breaking boundaries and pushing the limits, So it is in each one of us to some degree but it can be controled if the individual wants to control it and go from being bratty > Disciplined.
Now as for the Manufactured part I would say this come from observed behavior in our home, a child immitates his parents to a certain degree although we grow sometimes there are parts that still immitate and employ the kind of behavior due to similar situations.Of course given the fact that the person does not control thei bratty behavior and they feel their needs are not being satisfied, the manipulation or “pushing the buttons” as Dana wrote begins. The breaking of boundaries and disrespecting character morals to not only yourself but the person your in relationship with is a complete offense to you as a prson as well as to the person your in relationship with. All of the brattiness and spoiled actions and misconduct to fufill a lust drive that the eindividual has inside of them.
so to me Top means >An individual who has mastered his self in personal discipline.
a bottom > Someone who needs the help from the top and guidelines in order to climb up the ladder so they can demostrate the changes teyve undergone through the leadership from the top.
Even though we all rely on someone to keep us straight, its that type of bond that should never be toyed with in any type of form of disrespect. I hope this was a helpful addition to your topic have a good day all.
Sincerely Gvspally
I’m a switch and I love bratting to a point. And I am talking fun spanking not discipline spanking (that’s totally different animal)When I have sessioned with Dana, yes I try to push those buttons and it is fun to see how far I can go, but last month I pusted a little too hard and she looked me straight in the face and said that is it ! And I knew I had crossed that “line”. There is a point when you know you went too far and you what to push a little more and if the Top doesn’t put a stop to it, both sides lose, if that makes any sense, since the bottom want’s the Top to put a stop to it. As I said discipline is a totally differnet story and I would never even think about bratting. Eric
I’m new to all this,qhat exactly is a switch? I know its a bit of topic but,I,have no knowledge when it comes to terminoligy in this area. I assumed what (top) and (bottom) meant but I have no clue what a switch is.
As a switch I belive its a little of both and personly I dont mind at all I have done stuff just to get spanked. You must ask how bad does the bottom in any of this want a spanking the more the bottom in this role wants the more of a brat they are going to employ
Will C
@Gvspally, a switch is someone who is both a bottom and a top.
Dana, I hope you don’t mind my answering this question.
I think bratting is both real and manufactured. The real part has to do with personality, to my way of thinking, and the manufactured part would be learned and also acting a part. Some people are just more snarky than others and are very quick with a comeback.
Though I like to tease a bit, I don’t consider myself a brat. I don’t have to engage in that behavior to get a spanking. If I want one, I will just ask or I will see my top. I am not into the discipline side of this at all. Spanking for me is therapeutic, not about engaging in behavior to get get spanked.
I believe there should be respect on the part of both top and bottom toward the other. It is a real trust relationship and if either party goes overboard, it diminishes that relationship. It can take quite a while to repair the damage depending on the degree of limits being breached. It takes a lot of communication to make sure that both understand what those limits are. I think sometimes bottoms forget that tops have limits also and those limits must be respected as bottoms want the tops to respect their limits.
I also agree that the whole bratting idea is to do something to incur the spanking. I would guess that it makes more sense to have a “real” reason to be spanked; to have done something to earn a spanking. Hence, the videos that are all about role playing where the bottom does something “wrong” and the top spanks them for it. Then there are the DD, D/s, top/bottom relationships that deal with real issues.
It seems we have a mindset that tends to require a reason for a spanking other than just wanting to give or receive one, even though that is most likely the case. Maybe that is just part of being a spanko. We are wired this way.
@ Bobbie Jo ty for answering my question I really do appreciate it. It’ll make it easier for me to relatw terms.