Readers,
The recent posting where I asked what other ‘Conversations with Spankos’ you’d like to have garnered quite a bit of feedback, and we’ll be talking about several new subjects in coming months.
This one, about “Alpha Submissives” derives from a recent conversation with a new playmate. He brought up the subject of the Alpha submissive, a term which I hadn’t heard of previously(…but instantly made me think of Erica Scott!) I told him that I’m sure there are many people out there who identify as bottoms or submissives who have very strong personalities, even within the context of play (still thinking of Erica here).
I think that the actual conversation here is whether, and to what extent, a bottom/submissive can, should, and will assert him or herself into the dynamics of a consensual adult BDSM encounter.
Below, quoted from my playmate – a definition of sorts, and some points he’s interested in talking about:
“An alpha submissive is a rare breed among submissive women. Alpha submissives are freakishly smart, strong and capable which makes dominating them a treasured experience.”
Discussion questions:
Do alpha submissives exist?
Is the concept limited to women?
(laughing) Thank you for the shout-out, Dana. This topic is near and dear to my heart, of course.
Yes, I do believe alpha bottoms/submissives exist, and I don’t think we’re all that rare. I can’t speak for all of us, only myself. I think there is a misconception that alpha bottoms never give up control, never stop topping from the bottom, are brats, etc. I am known for being a bit of a SAM, and quite feisty as a bottom. HOWEVER… that doesn’t mean I can’t submit to a top. I have, and I do. But my submission, like my respect, cannot be demanded. It must be earned.
My beloved, a switch, is deeply submissive when he bottoms. His credo is “I never say no to anything. The Domme should be able to do whatever she wants.” I know other submissives who share that feeling. For me, this is all about consensuality and mutual pleasure. Just because I’m the bottom doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have my needs and pleasures met as well. So yes, I do state limits and I do say no to things. Some tops don’t like that, and those are the tops with whom I don’t wish to play.
I may provoke tops playfully, but I love them. Ultimately, I know they have to “win” in the scene. I just enjoy the power struggle a wee bit before I let it go. :-)
Dear Miss Dana
i happen to have become my Mistresses alpha sub for the last 3 years. After my brother sub who previously was the alpha of the F/family passed away it became my promise to my brother as well as my special treasured post to step up and become the alpha of the F/family. I take great pride in takeing care of my Mistress as well as being called Her alpha.
yes i am a male sub. So to answer the question, male alpha’s do indeed exist and quite happily we serve Those Who own our hearts, minds, and souls. Thank You for listening to this very proud sub tell his tale.
An alpha bottom may not be about being bossy or topping from the bottom.
It may be about having enough self respect with out being arrogant ; having a quiet dignity; and being proud of being spankee. Setting limits and being very selective of one’s top would also be important.
These attributes along with others may make an alpha bottom appealing to spank by a number of tops.
I don’t know Erica personally, but I for sure enjoy reading her blog posts. I suspect when her beloved is in top mode, that she may have her limits, but he’s already earned her respect and the last thing she wants are those big hands to stop finding “home”. Just sayin. And with all due respect :)
Anthony
I was pondering this further today. I think that submissives is not the best term for some who receive spankings or canings. There are some people who are passionately assertive, or at least assertive, and who are also “recipients” or whatever one wishes to call them. . . Because of my background, I regard everyone as my equal, except that I recognize the expertise of experts and I’ll usually be willing to go along with a doctor’s diagnosis or treatment idea.