Readers,
Waxing philosophical.
This isn’t about what happens when we play, but what happens when we don’t.
Even if you are one of the Lucky Ones – those who have someone close with whom you play on a regular basis – sometimes life simply gets in the way. We can’t always be Toppy-Tip-Top and Bottomy-Spankbuns; sometimes we have to be ourselves…our boring, workaday, no-time-or-energy-for-spanking-selves.
I’ve encountered this issue when talking with couple-friends, and also simply when reading the blogs of other spankos; there are times when spanking simply will not fit into our lives. Usually, we simply allow the other things going on to crowd it out: had to get up early this morning, didn’t sleep well last night, hip kinda hurts, work was particularly gnarly, ad nauseam. Sound familiar?
It’s easy to set aside the things we most enjoy when Real Life comes knocking, demanding our attentions and energies. Giving up our pleasures reinforces to us that we’re making a Sacrifice by living our day-to-day lives, and that only when things are smooth will we ‘deserve’ to enjoy those pleasures again. In denying ourselves the things we truly enjoy, we further insure that things will not be fun in the near future. Before you know it, it’s all work and no play, and Jack has become a very dull boy.
Maybe the idea of giving or receiving a spanking sounds like the least appealing thing to you right now, because there’s just too much other crap going on and you don’t feel like it. So you wait til tomorrow. Tomorrow something’s going to happen – there’s a mystery transaction which the bank needs you to sort out in person, or the cat’s all of a sudden making a very strange noise which causes you to rush off to the vet. The point is that there will always, always, always be things which stand in direct contrast to our interest in making spanking (feel free to insert any pleasurable activity here, as it’s really all the same) a ‘regular’ part of our lives. Whether we go the extra mile in carving out intentional time for it is up to us.
Example : exercise. Nobody really likes to exercise. Not really really. Especially at first, developing a regular exercise routine can be exquisite torture – the first two weeks are hunky dory, but things usually get pretty ugly before you get past the part where you’d rather shove a stranger than get back on that damned treadmill again. But you do it anyway, because you want to live longer…and because you feel good after. Also because it will likely make your butt look better, which is an excellent added bonus for any spanko, top or bottom.
Same with spanking, right? You feel good after. It’s the Before that we need to work on. As in many areas of our lives, we often get into the groove of talking rather than doing. We talk about our want, need, and desire to play; we talk about all the things (read: excuses) which are seemingly intent upon making that desire go unmet; and, if we leave it long enough, we talk about whose fault it is that we are feeling unhappy and unfulfilled.
It is my most personal opinion that we all talk entirely too damn much.
So what if you’ve had a hectic day? We’ve ALL had a hectic day. Every adult human on this planet is met with myriad stressors on a daily basis. Using those stressors as excuses to avoid pleasure is, in a word, hooey.
It’s when our lives are most stressed that we need the most relief. If spanking play registers as relief for you, what possible good are you doing by disallowing time and energy to it’s pursuit?
Weigh in here, please. What gets in the way of your pleasure? And, if you’re able to see it from my perspective, why do you allow it? What can we do to make sure that we have the foresight to always make time for joy?
– Dana
As I look into the mirror I say; are you talking to me? You are correct of course. As easy as it is to pick-up bad habits, it is the good ones that allude me somehow. OK now where did that bar-bell go?
Thank YOU.
I agree with you 100 percent. Sometimes 2500 miles separate us from our favorite partner. Other times it is just life. Take me for example. I am sort of a heavy player but finding someone that 1 knows they aren’t going to kill me and 2 knows how to give a good spanking gets to be tedious to look for. There are times when I just don’t feel like going to a dungeon party because I have no desire to “break” someone in after a long day.
I often find myself in a quandary. It is either to go to yet another dull party or have fun and poke/prod the people I know. Often it is the latter of the 2. I look at it this way. It is better to get a couple of really good spankings a year then it is to get lots of awful ones. Just my thoughts tho.
My main reason for infrequent spankings is my favorite tops live in other states. For various reasons I have no interest in looking for any local partners. And as much as I HATE my job for a variety of reasons I have to schedule time off around other peoples’ schedules. That plus the cost to travel for sessions can add up pretty quickly.
Fortunately for me, I do like exercising. That combined with great spankings are both great stress relievers for me. I wouldn’t have to use going to the gym as a reason to skip a spanking opportunity. HELL ANY reason to ensure my butt presents a challenge to spankers’ is a victory in my eyes!!! :)
My job is the one area where my mindset lately has been unpleasantly overtaken where I can’t leave the stress at the effing office desk. It isn’t making me shy away from spanking play because there is none currently in the works for me.
Well, TheVbb is definitely cheering you on in this post. I have been very laxidasical in giving him a well deserved spanking lately. Most of the time I have a very good reason but they are probably just an excuse.
A couple of days ago I took advantage and took him to the “portable spanking palace” our RV and was able to give him a well deserved spanking that he felt for a couple of days. Not enough for him of course.
There are times that he suggest that I spank him because I am tense and need the stress relief of just giving a good spanking. Isn’t that nice of him?
Thanks for this insightful post.
Isabella
Time and money. My top goes back to California on a regular basis to see her daughter, and is in school here so time constraints become an issue. The second right now for me is $$. While her donations are minimal, things have been tight lately.We were supposed to get together Monday but I had to put it off till after Wednesday. I have been pretty good lately but I am in need of a real good beating.
Sometimes we truly cannot see the forest for the trees. How right you are! Sometimes we simply get overwhelmed and we resist the few things that could help us.
We each find different ways to release stress. And there are different kinds of stress so naturally there would be different methods used! That tremendous relief as the stress is lifted is so wonderful. I was so taken with your waxing that I had to register so I could say BRAVO! You understand and that makes you a very special person!
trevor
I don’t have a top right now. I am looking in my home town for one. I am told yo go to munches and dungeons. My stopping point is I am not good in social situations, So fear is my bally-wick.
Bird