(*Remember, this is only a ‘conversation’ if you comment in the box below, so that other readers can share in the experience. Sending your comment in an email to me sort of defeats the point.)
Readers,
One of the most often discussed topics for new and exploring spankos (and many old hats, too) is, “Where does it come from?”
I don’t know if we ever figure it out completely, and I think that that’s probably a very good thing (as the unknown causes us to explore) but I still want to know what you think about this short, not-so-simple question:
Where does IT come from?
Your spanking fetish. Your need. Your interest. Whatever you want to call it. When and where do you think yours derived, or can you not remember a time when you weren’t ‘already into’ spanking?
(We usually avoid pre-adult spanking conversations here, but I’m going to relax this a bit for obvious reasons – most of us were interested in spanking before we were able to drive so it reasons that we’d need to talk about it in terms of age and experience.)
Maybe we can all figure it out together…
– Dana
It started for me just before puberty at the age of 11. I was being minded by my 17 year old female neighbour for a weekend while parents were away. I guess you could say that I was somewhat of a spoilt brat and when I disobeyed her once too often she put me over her knee gave me the first spanking of my life. The spanking hurt but I also found it very exciting and I provoked her to spank me several more times over the weekend. As I grew up nearly all my sexual fantasies were about having a woman put me over her knee and give me a bare bottom spanking with hand or hairbrush. I was always excited to see movies or TV shows where there was a spanking scene. I had several spanking encounters throughout my teen years however it wasn’t until about 6 months after I got married that I found out that my mother-in-law was also a spanko. I had gone to see her to apologise about an argument we had had several days early. She accepted my apology and then to my surprise she said that she had a good mind put me over her knee a give me a damn good spanking. I agreed that I probably deserved a spanking and she took a hairbrush to my bare bottom and turned it bright red . So for the next 15 years (before she became ill) my mother-in-law administered otk bare bottom hairbrush spankings on a regular basis. It was our secret arrangement and we both enjoyed this special relationship. There has been times when I have judged myself as having something wrong with me for enjoying having my bottom spanked. It has probably only been in the last 10 years that I have been much more comfortable being a spanko and I think that is because I have been in a d/d relationship where my partner has made me feel that there is nothing wrong with being a spanko. She sees the pleasure it brings me and she loves giving me pleasure (and a damn good spanking). I have often wondered why I am so into spanking and I wonder if it was the fact that my first spanking was administered by a sexy female teenager just as I was entering puberty. Who knows, anyway I will always be a spanko. Dana you are a sensational top and I really enjoy watching you administer very sound spankings.
My experiences are ALL over the map from where my spanking interest originated. I am very certain it initially presented itself when I was around 7. I remember watching “Charlie’s Angels” and Farrah Fawcett’s character Jill gave a veiled threat to a bratty young girl as in “You’ve HAD it NOW young lady!” Nothing physical ensued but my fantasies began from there.
I would imagine scenarios in my head where she and other adult actresses I admired found themselves in situations where THEY were getting spanked as adults for things they did “wrong”. Or I was about to get spanked by them for something I did “bad.”
I remember getting many many threats as a young kid from relatives, friends of my parents, teachers, etc. But most of it was all threats and NO action applied to my butt.
I do remember someone talked my mother into carrying a small paddle in her purse whenever we were out shopping or whatever. I got ahold of it and smacked it against the sliding board of my swing set. :) It was never replaced and she never spanked me once.
But believe it or not I was MOSTLY pretty well behaved at home because I usually got my way and didn’t have to act like an ass.
But I witnessed many of my friends and relatives as you so awesomely put it, getting “their butts torn up.”
ALL of us could have been guilty of being little brats at various times but their parents didn’t spank me. Only their little darlings. I remember feeling nervous and scared for all of us but also sorry for them if they cried. Sometimes they got pissed at me because I didn’t get what they did.
There was one girl I HATED whose mother was friends with mine. She got a few bare bottomed hand/wooden paddle spankings and I actually laughed in her face because she constantly informed me she hated me.
I did experience a few very firm one whackers from baby sitters. But nothing that hurt much.
School was a different matter. Since I didn’t have many rules or restrictions at home, I found myself at odds with many of the rules from 7th through 10th grade. I was extremely mouthy, defiant and rebellious when teachers told me to do something I didn’t want to.
My district allowed corporal punishment and time after time teachers told me I needed a good paddling. If I were THEIR kid… One actually raised her hand to slap my face. Another who happened to be the school’s Jr. high football coach chased after me in the hall because I was being loud and obnoxious. He came charging from his classroom, yardstick in hand and gave me a crack with it. THEN he asked me if I wanted paddled. I said no and he ordered me back to my classroom. LOL!!!
One very memorable time happened in 8th grade. I swore at my gym teacher and after she kicked me out of class to go to the office, I didn’t. A few days later my name blared over the intercom to report to the Principal’s office. Inside that scary room was not one but 2 wooden paddles laying on his desk. One was small and thin. The other was a frat sized beauty. After MUCH yelling and scolding from him he told me my teacher WANTED me to get paddled but after he called my house for permission my mother denied it and said she’d deal with me at home. Nothing came of it other than more lecturing and a short lived grounding.
Family mayhem interfered in my late teens and I had to temper my spanking desires for a long time into my early 20s. From that point on I have done my best to indulge in any and every spanking scenario that appeals to my mind.
In the last few years I have honed my desires so well to know what does and does NOT work for me in terms of play partner power dynamic, age difference, clothing, etc.
Something a lot of us spankos thing about…and yeah, I think anytime you want to discuss where it comes from, you have to relax rules about pre-adult spanking. (For me, I can’t remember *not* having the fetish, so it obviously started early.)
It’s strange because spanking is so intermingled with most of the memories I have growing up. I, and many of my childhood friends, were spanked, with different implements (although “implement” is a word that seems out of place with childhood experiences…maybe too dispassionate), in public and private, for small and huge misdeeds alike. And if you weren’t actually *being* spanked, strapped, belted, paddled, etc., then there was always the constant threat. I feel like that environment, coupled with my sexual development as an adolescent, were responsible for a lot of IT in me.
That environment seems unhealthy in retrospect. Nevertheless, somehow over time those experiences have adapted into my current love of consensual spanking, with its trust requirements, pleasurable sounds and stings, potential for role-playing, submission, dominance, even humor. So I believe it’s changed its course from something not very good, to something very good after all :)
Why did that happen? Not sure, but I have much more control over my environment these days :) and I’ve figured out things that are important to me (trusting, for example). I can modulate urges a little better. I’m willing to give up control more often. Those things might have helped with the transition.
Fun question – realizing I still haven’t figured it *all* out!
Well, the woman who used to watch me as a baby always tells me that the only way she could get me to sleep was to pat my bottom, so I think I was just born this way. ;) But honestly, I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t thinking about spanking. I was spanked a little bit as a child, but I never wanted my parents to do it. Mostly, I thought about my teachers or babysitters doing it. I did beg my parents to send me to boarding school though because for some reason, I had it in my head that boarding schools were very old fashioned and that I could get spanked there. I’m 22, so spanking had been phased out of schools in my area by the time I was there. If I really think about it though, I think that my interest in spanking was made stronger by my desire to have a more stable childhood. My parents were decent people but struggled with issues that at times left me feeling neglected. I think I began to equate spanking and discipline with caring and nurturing. I do think I have had a predisposition to spanking but that my desire for it was made stronger by my particular circumstances. Who knows?
I like questions that cause me to ponder. Personally it evolved over time. I use to get wailed on as a child. That never stopped my wrong doing and now that I looked back it seemed like I was always getting hit.
It was about 18 when I first was introduced into the bdsm scene by complete accident. I called a sex hot line and got connected to a Dominatrix by accident. I then spent the next few years trying to figure out if they actuality existed. Then I ran across a magazine called the DDI I looked up a local professional and gave her a call.
after that I was hooked. not to just spanking but to everything. Years later I served in a local household where maintenance play was a regular occurrence. About this time I discovered that I liked being the spanker also.
Being a bottom being spanked is a totally different feeling then being the one in control. They both produce a ( high)but they are extremely different.
As I seek out partners that like spanking I have also discovered that giving a good spanking is like art. Not everyone knows how to do it well.
For me, IT came either during puberty or shortly thereafter. As if things weren’t confusing enough during that time, I had no idea why I fantasized about this. I used to fantasize and dream about getting into trouble and being disciplined by a teacher – always pretty and always female. This is ironic, as I was an honor roll student and almost never got into trouble. Maybe this is a clue? At that time I honestly believed this was a very rare fetish. I didn’t know if ANYONE else was turned on by this. But during college I was perusing the bookstore and picked up a copy of “The Story of O”. That’s when I realized I wasn’t alone. I subsequently searched out, found, and read many other books on the subject. I was amazed to realize this was a much more common fetish than I thought, which of course made me feel better.
To this day I’m still not sure exactly why IT is such a big part of my life. But I know one thing. I’m glad it is!
I do not remember any strong known interest in being spanke or spanking others until sometime after 1990 or and after reading the NDE account of Howard Storm, which is circulated in slightly different versions . . . and in some of them or one of them, when he had been in a lot of pain for several hours, he said, he was in so much pain he wished he were dead and then found himself, as he would later realize, out of his bod. As a result of his being temporarily dead, he learned some useful things, he alleges.
If I recall correctly, prior to 1990 or so, I would have regarded the people who do these things as psychologically not understandable.
Also, peculiarly, Howard himself does not regard intentionally getting spanked or caned as a spiritual useful or helpful thing, despite the connection in what happened in his life between being in pain and finding God.
Also, I enjoy pondering “morally” difficult or controversial or unusual things.
Maybe i am part of 10% or 5% or 3% of spankos who consider that it may be a part of personal growth. . . and who came to have an interest in that for that reason . . .
OMG Dana I’ve been getting spanked for fifty years mother started when I was eight for bad grades
Teen age years the baby sitter took over eighteen years old found a mistress an a sub who trained me in both sides of our life style.
Some where in my teens is when I new I loved it needed it
In my case, it goes back to childhood. Lots of spanking, little love. Mom called me “the dumbest kid I ever saw.” Started jerking off as pre-adolescent to fantasy of being turned over her lap and spanked. Been in the scene as a bottom 40 years. It gives me great pleasure and satisfaction.
Dana, this is a good question, and one I have asked myself many times. I will call it a need because when I was growing up, I had parents who were not around much, and you already know why. Since they were not around, I got away with a lot of things that I am not proud of, but none of them were illegal. I didn’t have structure and discipline that kids need. My need is that I need accountability in my life because I sure didn’t have it when I was a child.
When I sought out my first professional disciplinarian seven years ago, I was a real mess. I still acted and did the dumbest things, some of them involved putting myself in danger. My disciplinarian took me in hand and delivered exactly what I needed when I was a child, a good spanking. I found myself over her knee many times for the two years I saw her. I didn’t enjoy the pain, but I did like how it made me feel afterward, loved and cared for because someone finally held me accountable when I knew I was being a brat. Thinking that I was “cured”, I stopped seeing my disciplinarian.
Now, five years later, I find myself needing that same accountability because for these five years without a disciplinarian, I continue to do dumb things that put myself in danger, like road rage and to do other things I need to do but lack the motivation, such as continuing exercising outside of martial arts. This is where you step in and hold me accountable for my own behavior. I still don’t like the pain from your spankings, but knowing that I have atoned for my reckless behavior afterwards and how you show you care about me, is priceless.
Why-oh-why, and what is it that makes us THUS?
Very wise to do it, and thank you for the temporary dispensation on childhood reflections. For my part, I have been keenly aware of, fantasizing about, and generally being preoccupied with spanking since whenever I can remember, and that goes back to a very tender age. Oh, let us not forget the parallel fetish appreciation of female bottom.
Sure, I was spanked as a child. Always hated it when it happened though, with one exception: when at thirteen i received a paddling from a female teacher that I had the biggest crush on – incidentally, we are still in contact but I do not think that she knows who I am.
Otherwise, thought about it and fantasized always, so the sum of it seems absurd, hating to receive that which you crave, but so it was. Later on, however, I view it as a gift and privilege, and clearly i do not care anymore that some might call us “psychological uncertainties,” or whatever…
Enjoy!
In my novel sized account of my spanking experiences I forgot to add that even as a rebellious pre teen brat I babysat quite a few kids younger than myself. I was at least 12 and they ranged from aged 3 to 9. I was allowed to spank them if needed. I remember giving some of the older ones a few hand and belt spanks over clothing. At the time I felt I gave them ample warning to BEHAVE! And they ignored/defied/tested me into “beating their butts.”
As I got older I felt guilty over spanking them. Even though one of the reasons was 2 sisters were in the bathroom playing “swimming pool” with a full sized raft-in their clothes. They filled the tub to capacity and allowed the water to flood all over the floor, leaking into the apartment below.
It’s funny that with my assertive and borderline aggressive personality, I heavily favor being a bottom vs a top. I can’t see me ever changing my stance on this. I did a switch video a few years ago and found myself cringing when I saw the girl’s bottom was getting redder and marked. Her pained cries really made me feel bad.
Haha Alexis, I’m laughing at the part where you felt bad about reddening a bottom. I can’t hurt anyone what way either. I seriously doubt Dana ever feels bad about administering a good spanking. Lucky for us, huh? Or does she? Dana, do you? Haha!
I had a harofic childhood, incest, rape then bullied in school. When I was about 12 I started reading romance magazines, this was the 50’s and came across stories and columns about spanking, hatbands spanking wife’s, boyfriends and parents spanking bare bottoms, sometimes in public. At the same time I discovered masterbation and I was hooked. I found boyfriends that would spank me and I loved it ( unless it was too hard). I didn’t marry until 42 and my husband was 60. We have been married 28 years and he is a sweet and gentle man. In our younger days he would give me a few whacks but it really wasn’t his thing. I still am a spanko inside and read all the books and blogs on spanking, and even do reviews, ARC, but at age 70 I’m past it and can only read and fantasize which is ok as long as my batteries hold out.lol
I have always been a spanking person.
I remember coaxing spankings from friends at five years old.
I had mostly female spanking friends and a few male spanking friends who it was fun to play spanking games with.
Junior high school and high school provided a few spanking opportunities. College and early adulthood there were no spanking opportunities.
For the last fourteen years, my wife {non spanking person} has accommodated my spanking needs quite well.
There is no event I know that triggered my love of spankings.
It may be genetic? It may be a way for us to express our need to be loved?
I do know that I am very happy and quietly very proud to be a spanking person.
As it has been said, I am glad that spanking picked me!
Well, guess I’m the odd ball here. I grew up in Southwest Arkansas and East Texas and during my raising everything was answered with spanking. From back talk to stealing you name it… We were spanked for it. At home, it was the belt bent over the bed and school was paddling in the hallway where everyone heard it.
I really think my spanko-ness came from a teacher I had in 4th grade. Her words, lecture, and caring stuck with me. The paddling hurt and I cried my eyes out (knowing what you got at school doubled at home, lol) but I felt loved. From there forward having the attention and being spanked meant that I was loved . That same paddling involved another little girl that was spanked. Afterwards, we were sent to the restroom to clean up our faces. She showed me her red rear as we rounded the corner.. The rest is history
Wonderful Spankos,
This is why I love these ‘Conversations’. I get to type all the time, but these give you all the chance to tell your sides of the story – and aren’t we all so very diverse?
Differences are the greatest things ever, because they give us something to talk about. Keep up the Convesation, everyone, and thank you all for sharing a very intimate part of your process with others…it helps.
– Dana
I have been fascinated with spanking as long as I can remember. Sometimes I think it is genetic. Some anthropologists believe that Neanderthals were born with the memory of their ancestors. Animals have instincts and it could be possible that we are born with memories or instincts in our DNA. Another explanation could be an experience that stimulated us that we don’t remember. All I know is that before I was five when my older sister played school with her friends I fantasized about them spanking me. Throughout grade school I wanted to be turned over a teacher’s or neighbor’s knee and paddled. This never happened; but, I acted like a brat and stole lingerie off of clotheslines and threw snowballs at cars. I think that deep down I wanted to be caught and spanked. It had to be a lady and the more attractive the better.
James
It started in late junior high school. A few self induced whacks with a ping pong paddle and a red stinging bottom and sexual excitement were forever linked for me. Pre-Internet days left me feeling isolated and convinced I was weird. It took many years to build up the courage to visit a disciplinarian/dominatrix and enjoy the pain and pleasure of a sound spanking session. After asking for many years where does it come from, I think it is simply a part of life some people really enjoy and others do not. All people have preferences for things that bring them pleasure. While I may never know the “source”, exploring different implements, finding and expanding your limits, and finding out you are a part of a much larger community is so much more fun
My interest in spanking started at age 6 in the 1st grade at a Catholic school. While I personally had no desire to be hit, I did enjoy seeing my classmates get hit. I was also fascinated that they (and eventually me) would fetch the paddle for Sister when ordered to and return it after she finished. No one challenged or complained. We just dutifully accepted our punishment and returned to our seats.
It wasn’t until about 3 years later that I had a desire to be spanked. Not by Nuns or my parents, but from neighborhood women. I had seen a rerun of an old TV show called The People’s Choice and the actress (Patricia Breslin) put a bratty girl across her knee and spanked her. Looking at it now, years later on Youtube it isn’t that severe of a spanking, but at age 9, it was.
From that point I started to fantasize about the women in my neighborhood using the techniques of the Nuns. Especially the women with their own kids as it was not uncommon for disobedient children to be hit in public back then.