( Spankos, this is usually all about us, from us, by us, and from our perspectives. This time, I’d like to ask those of you who have the lucky fortune of having an openminded NON-spanko in your lives to read the below and possibly give us their insights. I don’t want your opinions this time, kiddos, and don’t want the ‘my wife says’ either. I want to hear from the actual NON-spanko partners, friends, etc. in your lives who know and are willing to participate. Pass this on if you think yours is willing to contribute to our understanding of their views.)
An open request to those of you who know and love someone with a spanking fetish:
Maybe you participate in spanking with your partner/friend, and maybe you don’t; possibly you try very hard to understand his or her desire for this type of activity, and possibly you think it’s the strangest damn thing you’ve ever heard of. Maybe you’ve done some research on your own to see what it’s all about, or maybe you just don’t want to know…
We – the people in your lives who ARE into spanking – want to know what you think of it all. Really, we do. Don’t just tell us what we want to hear, either, we can handle the truth.
You see, when a person thinks about spanking whether they want to or not (which is how many, if not most, of us feels), it colors their perceptions of the act itself. What someone like you, who isn’t compelled to participate in spanking, understand about our interests is important – we want you to understand, and we want you to be ‘okay’ with something that we may feel a bit unsure about, ourselves. The best way to get you ‘okay’ is to give you the chance to tell us, the spanking enthusiasts, what you think.
If you’re reading this, it’s likely because someone’s asked you to – and I’ll ask that you now take a minute to respond via the comments feature, so that we’ll know how YOU feel.
– Dana
I was asked to respond to this a while ago, but was waiting for other responses since I didn’t want my Negative Nancy response to be the perspective that people first see in case it’s disheartening. But you asked, and someone has to start, so here goes:
Sadly, I have to confess that I don’t like the submissive spanking fantasies of my partner, particularly when they involve him imagining that he’s a teen being spanked at school or by parents, etc. I would prefer he enjoy what I enjoy most – him as a strong, dominant figure in our sex lives. I feel badly but I am not only unable to enjoy sharing those fantasies, I don’t even like thinking about him in that way. It’s a big turn-off to me.
I’m fine with him having other outlets for those fantasies as long as those activities don’t involve having sex, but it’s not a perfect arrangement. We have been together for a long time and I knew about his interests early on – while he probably hoped I would grow to enjoy or would at least directly accommodate his interests, the opposite has actually happened – I used to at least occasionally spank him, or tell him spanking stories while we did other sexual activities, but my dislike for thinking of him in that way has increased over the years. It’s sad, but I just can’t “muscle” my way to liking something that is actually a strong turn-off for me. I blame myself but I can’t help the way I feel any more than he can, so we manage and build a life together imperfectly, as best we can.
Anna,
I’m grateful that you’ve taken the time to respond, and not at all disheartened by your perspective. Moreover, I don’t think you’re a ‘Negative Nancy’ at all..
It’s not uncommon that partners don’t share this interest, and there are a LOT of different dynamics – your perspective is the one we all want most. Your spanko partner can’t change his wiring, and you can’t change yours…that’s not unusual at all, and not everyone finds a way to ‘play it out’. I’m guessing that the two of you have agreed that it’s not really constructive for you to ‘play’ top for him? Does he get his need-a-spanking needs met with another person? If so, bravo for you both – it’s a win/win.
Most importantly, know that you absolutely should not blame yourself. Or him. Or anyone.
You both are who you are, thank goodness, and neither of you has to compromise yourselves (yes, you’ll have to compromise a lot of things, but never yourself) in order for you to both get what you need…that goes for life in general, too.
My best,
Dana
Hello a really friend of mine just told me she was a spanko. It doesn’t bother me one bit. I like being spanked while having sex so I imagine it would be the same thing only more intense because there seems to be a paddle involved. I have not watched a video just posting right now and I will tell you what I think after I watch one. I think that you accept people for who they are and move on. Life is way too short to be hung up on something someone else chooses. Many wars could be stopped if only we live and let live. I always say if you like it, I love it! Alas, I don’t see this happening but that is how I choose to live my life. Spank away is what I say.
Cheers
Erica,
Thanks so much for commenting. You’re right…life’s too short. It’s such a shame that some folks try to make it shorter by wasting time on judgment. You rock, and your friend’s a lucky girl/boy.
So I popped my spanking cherry. Very Interesting to say the least. I don’t know that it would be for me that hard and that long and that red but I could see that it was enjoyable for all involved so I liked it.
Spank on!
Erica,
(That’s what she said.)