With his Punishment Day looming, I will let the VBB speak for himself…
– Dana
There always seems to be at least one statement, which Ms. Kane writes in her Emails that seems to leap off the screen and catches my attention. I am not sure if she purposely plans to use specific phrases or if they just happen to be what she is thinking at the time. It really does not matter because the result is the same; they catch my attention and inevitably cause my anxiety level to rise a good deal. Statements such as “We’ll deal with this behavior in short order,” “you will receive true discipline,” “You know that you’re in trouble,” “understand the necessity for seriousness.” While each statement alone elicits a feeling of apprehension, seeing them together creates a much deeper sense of dread. However, none of these statements either by themselves or as a whole produces in me the overwhelming feeling of panic as much as the words …“Punishment Day”… these two words cause a feeling of impending doom to well up in my stomach. The simple phrase caught me so off guard when I first read them that I lost my concentration as a growing numbness engulfed me. As I reread the dreaded words, the numbness gave way to a surge of adrenalin and I had to fight the urge to get up and run. Of course, there was no place to run and running would not have changed what Ms. Kane had written.
The VBB: Prepunishment Journal: The Final Installment
“Punishment Day”…. these two words create an unthinkable epiphany of what awaits me during my upcoming session with Ms. Kane and my wife, which is now duly designated as “Punishment Day”. There is nothing good about the name “Punishment Day,” the name itself invokes unsettling mental images of the impending doom, which awaits me. The words create an image of swelling black storm clouds gathering in the distance which darken the midday sky and sets ones soul trembling in fear. The term “Punishment Day” may not have elicited the same response if Ms. Kane had used it to label our first session together. There is some truth to James Gray’s statement “Where ignorance is bliss, ’tis folly to be wise.” Before meeting Ms. Kane for the first time, my knowledge of her skills and abilities came solely from her blog and videos. My first hand ignorance of her expertise surely was blissful at the time. However after three sessions, whatever blissfulness I may have had before our first session is certainly long gone. This firsthand knowledge now makes the term “Punishment Day” much more menacing and creates such uneasiness in me that I have not been able to stop thinking about all the possibilities that “Punishment Day” invokes. I tried to explain to my wife how the term “Punishment Day” has so unnerved me, but her response is simply to tell me “You just need to trust that Dana and I know exactly what you can handle” Which I am sure was meant to make me feel a bit better. However, in reality, that really is the problem, they both know how much I can handle, and I certainly know what the both of them can dish out together. That is why the term “Punishment Day” conjures up such terrifying thoughts.
As if “Punishment Day” was not enough, Ms. Kane ended her Email with the proclamation “I’ll see you soon,” which only caused my sense of foreboding to deepen; It was then I had to fully accept the fact that “Punishment Day” was coming whether I want it to or not. The words “I’ll see you soon” resonate deep within my consciousness and leaves me feeling completely powerless. I feel as though I’m trapped in a room with no way out and I so desperately want to find a way out of this room. Even if I can find a way out I am sure of one thing, standing in the way are two powerful and determined women patiently waiting for “Punishment Day” to arrive. In contrast to their poised self-confidence, I am trying everything in my power to maintain my composure. I wonder what would happen if I just throw myself at their mercy and plead for leniency. I think Ms. Kane would simply pick up the dreaded whippy cane and with a slight smile my wife would tell me once again, “Well I guess you should have thought about that before you decided to be sneaky and dishonest with me” and with that “Punishment Day” would begin…. I wonder if I have ever told them how much I hate the cane, especially that hideous white thin whippy fiberglass one.
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