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Newsletter of Random (TUS)

There’s something in the water here.

It’s dirt, for the most part. There’s also the remains of a small town at the bottom of the lake, which is now, technically, also the top of the lake.

Lake Mead used to be this big giant body of water, all held back steadfastly by wondrous Hoover Dam, supplying life-giving water to not only the Las Vegas Valley but large parts of central and southern California. Now that damn dam is holding back a muddy puddle. We still get our water from there, and we still send some to California, too, but it’s getting sketchy. Something about not enough rain and/or snow in the Colorado Rockies for several years in a row. And something else about Harrison Ford growing almonds (or was it avocados?) in the desert. Mostly it’s just humans. Lots and lots of us, living in places that are lush with greenery and dripping with cement ponds that are, in fact, meant to be covered in sand, scrub, and skinny snakes.

Most people think that it’s all those glittery casinos on the Strip that cause Las Vegas to be one of the most heinous energy abusers in the country, but in the case of water they’re pretty benign, making up only about four percent of the city’s annual usage. Most of the gnarly water waste goes on at the dozens of golf courses surrounding the valley, and in our very own front yards. There’s something about living in the middle of the Mojave that makes folks want to grow pears and figs and water lilies, for some reason. My neighbors have pomegranate trees and as green a gigantic-pool-surrounding-backyard as you can grow any wet place in the country. It’s a little silly when you think about it, considering how much room (and water, and grass) there is in, say, Idaho for instance.

Why do so many people want to live here? Why are there nearly 2 million people squeezed into a valley that used to be home to a handful of tribes?

It’s not the mild climate, that’s for sure.

Yes, it’s hotter than hades here again. We hit a seizure-inducing 112 a couple days ago; that was the same day the air conditioning went out. Luckily, homes here are built with two separate cooling units (see above reference to energy abusers) so that if one goes out the place doesn’t turn into one giant EasyBake oven. Still, the best prescription for this is to hold very still and drink more iced tea…so I’m fine, crisis averted, and the nice man came today and made it all better. He had to climb onto the roof in order to fix whatever was un-fixed, where I’m sure the temperature was around 125 in the roof’s reflection of the afternoon sun. I felt a little bad that he had to get so hot in order to make us cool again, but the cats are creatures of leisure and sacrifices must be made.

Speaking of the cats, Mister Pancakes is still feeling pretty crummy and would like everyone to leave him alone. This includes the other cats, who are trying to figure out why he’s getting extra stuff in his mouth all the time (medicine). They’re doing hardcore kitty research by following him everywhere he goes and meowing in his face a lot. This would piss anyone off, and he is duly offended.

The humans in charge of putting things in cat’s mouths (and the dog, too, but they don’t really care about him) are thoroughly enjoying this summer’s Advanced At-Home Mojito-Making Classes, held weekly in the kitchen, as well as occasional trips to the supermarket for more cat food (and other stuff they don’t care about). It’s nice to sit still sometimes and, as much as I miss seeing a bunch of my spanko buddies, I’m having a ball sleeping in my own bed every night. It may just be that you’ll all have to come and visit me here, in Las Vegas.

Bring water.

– Dana

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Extended Drumroll and semi-lame excuses

 

Everyone,

 

I know the blog’s been a bit content light of late, and I also know that some of you are waiting a bit longer for email replies, too. The reason I know these things is obvious : they’re my responsibilities, and I’m running a *teensy weensy* bit behind.

Between random minor illness, an enormous workload (a bit more on that in a second), and a continuing inability to clone myself, I find myself with less time – which is strange because I know for a fact that there are still 24 hours in every single day. Anyway, the point is that I’m working on it all; I’ll get that inbox cleared soon (and then it’ll likely fill right up again) and think of something spank-witty to say here as well. In the meantime, please exercise your patience muscles and, if at all possible, refrain from writing an email or two to express your sympathy at my behind-ed-ness…I promise you it will not help. ~

 

imlate

 

One of the reasons I’ve been so busy is that I have a really cool/awesome announcement to make soon, which I think is going to be equally as fun/cool for you to read – and within the next week or so I’ll be posting it here, so stay tuned for the upcoming awesome arrival.

So, please feel free to spend a little time re-watching a couple dozen free videos, re-reading a few hundred spanking stories, and generally poking around the blog- there’s bound to be something you haven’t seen yet, right?

 

Behind-ed-ly yours,

–  Dana

 

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PSA : Quitcher Bitchin’

 

Yep,  you read right. Quit your bitching. It’s a guaranteed way to improve both your mood and the moods of those who have to listen to you speak.

 

But hold on..

I’m not talking about the big stuff, about which we’re not only allowed but encouraged to talk : death, divorce, depression, bankruptcy, imprisonment, injury. We all get free passes on the big stuff, every time, and rightfully so.

 

However:

We are all stressed out.
We all have aches and pains.
Everyone experiences disappointment.

 

By the law of averages, the person next to you is unhappy just as frequently as you. Does that mean that they want to hear all about your daily bitchlist? Let’s answer that with another question : Do you want to hear all about theirs? (I’m guessing that the answer is ‘no’, or we’d have more television shows dedicated to folks just sitting there, complaining endlessly about mundane topics such as expired yogurt, long red lights, and the poor state of our neighbors’ lawns.

What good does it do the general consciousness to unfetter ourselves at every opportunity – splash our bile and venom on unsuspecting bystanders, loved ones and friends? Yes, ‘processing’ is healthy, and so is ‘venting’…if done in moderation, just like every other damn thing on the planet, barring love and spankings probably.

Let’s all try an exercise together, shall we? What, you have something better to do? Something to lose in the endeavor? Nope? Okay, moving on.

It’s called ‘Happy’.

I know, genius right? And I came up with it all by myself! Let’s try to be Happy.

Happy when we wake up (because we DID, in fact, wake up), happy when we shower (because we have all that hot water), happy when we drive to work (because we are lucky enough to be employed in a first world country), happy when we drive home (because we’re lucky enough to have one of those too, no matter which zipcode it’s in), and happy to lie our heads on the pillow every night (because we survived another one).

Every day – hell, every hour! – will give each and every one of us the opportunity to bitch about it or make it our bitch…which are you going to choose?

 

no-complaining

–  Dana

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Spanko Distractions : Word Search!

 

Everyone,

Here’s a fun new Spanko Distraction word search – all about the Language of Spanking.

 

Word List

naughty          bottom          discipline          brat

spanko          otk          subspace          accountability

panties          arnica          community          safe

domestic          consensual          dropseat          top

sane          aftercare          roleplay          switch

newbie          strict          warmup          punishment

limits          corporal

 

 

Search Area

wordsearch

 

Have fun!

–  Dana

 

PS. Either print the word search and do it the old fashioned way – or save the Search Area image above and open it in your photo editor to use the highlighter tool on your computer. (And yes, I made it extra hard by setting all the letters to lowercase. You know you deserve it.)

 

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Winners of the Everybody Wins Contest ~

 

Boys and Girls,

After a great contest (and a bit of consternation related to the crummy voting system), I’m happy to announce the winners of the Spanking Wish Story Contest!

The three (actually five) stories with the most votes, below, each receive an unlimited 30 day membership to DanaKaneSpanks.com :

 

Sister Dana and The Leprechaun (#18)

The Resort (#20)

And TIED for third (thanks, Lei, I’m going with your democratic memory on this one, along with a few separate comments from other users):

Be Careful What You Wish For (#4)  and Wish Upon a Star ( #19) and Big Bellied Buddha (#24)

 

( See how that works? MY software screws up and even more of YOU win – you should all hope this  happens more often.~~ )

Every single one of the other winning entries will receive a spanking video download of their choice from my current catalog.

 

Thanks again to everyone who participated, and congratulations to ALL TWO DOZEN of our winners!

(All story entrants will receive an email containing details on prize redemption in the coming week.)

–  Dana

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Spanking Story contest entry #4 : Be Careful What You Wish For

 

Readers,

Here’s another great, reader-submitted story for the ‘Spanking Wish’ contest .~~

Enjoy!

– Dana

 

 

**********

“Be Careful What You Wish For”

Simon trudged through the wet gloomy streets, the rain was dripping down his back making him even more miserable. He had just attended yet another job interview and although they had been very pleasant at the end he knew that he hadn’t got the job. Head down and bemoaning his fate he walked, unheeding of his surroundings, Looking up he realised he had wandered off course and was in a part of the city that he didn’t know. It was a run down shabby street and Simon cursed. It would be just his luck to get mugged although the muggers weren’t going to get rich from what he was carrying. Coming toward him was an old lady carrying several bags who suddenly slipped and fell to the wet pavement. Simon rushed over, “Are you alright”he said as he helped her to her feet. “Here let me get them” he said as he picked up her bags. “Thank you” she said in a voice that was resonant and strangely compelling, “would you help me carry them to my house, it’s just over there”. Simon thought for a moment but had nothing better to do so carrying her bags he followed her to her house where she invited him in for a cup of tea which he also accepted.

The tea was very pleasant and Simon found himself sitting at a table across from her. She had thanked him again and said how unusual it was to find a gentleman in this day and age. Personally Simon felt embarrassed to receive such praise, all he had done was help her up and carried her bags. However she did have a voice that held him spellbound, both powerful and intimate. He was willing to bet that when she was younger she had had scores of men eager to do her bidding. Also her eyes were beautiful and he felt that were he to look at them for too long he would fall into them. With a start Simon shook himself out of his reverie, ” I must give you something for helping me” she said. ” I know I’ll grant you a wish” “Oh great she’s a nutter” Simon thought. “Make your excuses and leave” . Suddenly she seized his wrists and looked directly into his eyes. For a moment Simon felt that she could see everything about him, his life and all his deepest desires. She laughed, “There it’s done” She said and still chortling to herself ushered him out of the house. Bemused Simon made his way home, clearly she was mad but he did have the strangest feeling of anticipation.

The next morning when he woke up Simon laughed. He hadn’t become wealthy overnight and beautiful women weren’t suddenly willing to carry out his every wish, clearly his wishes weren’t being granted. Opening his emails he found an invite to a job interview that very day from a firm called Morgana Concepts. Oddly he didn’t remember applying to any such company but his C.V. was posted on numerous jobsites so perhaps they had seen it there and decided to call him in from that. Quickly he showered and shaved got dressed in his interview suit and made his way to the address given. Morgana Concepts was on the top floor of an imposing office block and on arrival Simon was greeted by an attractive young woman wearing a very smart business outfit that was also rather sexy in a stern way. ” Ms Morgana will be with you very shortly ” she said “I’m Gwen, her P.A.”. Simon took a seat and glanced around. He had Googled Morgana Concepts but the information he had found had been very vague and he still had little idea of what they actually did. Whilst waiting he glanced around. The outer office seemed busy but all the staff seemed to be attractive young women like Gwen. Speaking of whom he glanced over to were she was standing. She had delightful long legs and an attractive rounded bottom and Simon’s gaze lingered on them. Suddenly she turned round and he blushed at having been caught staring. She gave a strange knowing smile and returned to her work. With that the intercom sounded and she led Simon into the inner office.

Ms Morgana was tall, raven haired, of indeterminate age and stunningly beautiful. Her voice was soft but with a hint of steel and her eyes flashed. She regarded Simon with an odd look and for the second time in as many days Simon felt that he was in the presence of a woman who could see his deepest secrets. The interview passed in a blur. Later Simon realised that he couldn’t recall discussing qualifications, experience or any of the other stuff normally spoken about at interviews. Ms Morgana spoke and he answered whilst Gwen took notes but what about he had no idea. An hour passed quickly and it seemed to be drawing to a close when she stood up and walked round her desk and stood beside him. ” You seem to be ideal for the position but I expect obedience from my staff so there is just one final test” she said “stand up!”. Simon did so quickly, ” I want you to take off all your clothes” strangely the oddness of this request didn’t occur to Simon and neither did the thought of disobedience, his only desire was to do exactly as this goddess wished. He quickly removed all his clothes hesitating only when just his underpants remained. A nod from Ms Morgana confirmed that she meant everything so he slowly removed them, grateful that he had put on his best pants that morning. Naked he stood before both women, “Hands on head” rapped Ms Morgana and he rapidly put them there. Both women now walked around him, appraising his body. Only now did he become embarrassed, not so much at the exposure, but at the inadequacies of his body. Despite his slightly too large belly and slight frame the ladies did not appear to be too disgusted at what they saw. “Bend over and touch your toes” came the command and he did so. He felt terribly exposed in this position and jumped as he felt a hand on his buttocks. It was Gwen’s and she gave each buttock a squeeze before letting go. “He’ll do” said Ms Morgana “now over Gwen’s lap”. Obediently Simon did as commanded and found himself staring at the carpet. Gently at first but with increasing force Gwen began to spank his naked cheeks. Simon found the sensation exciting as his bottom gradually heated up. Then came a sharper pain and he realised that Gwen was now using a wooden hairbrush on his defenceless cheeks. This was an altogether more painful and Simon started to wriggle but was immediately commanded to stop and did so. The spanking continued for another ten minutes before he was allowed to rise. ” Go over to that cabinet and open the door” said Ms Morgana and Simon still naked and with reddened cheeks did so. He gasped as he saw what was inside. A variety of canes, crops, paddles, straps and even a carpet beater were hanging from hooks inside the cabinet.”Bring me the red handled cane and the large paddle” Simon found the implements in question and presented them to Ms Morgana. “Now bend over the desk, I’m going to give you 24 strokes of the cane and 24 with the paddle. If you can take them without trying to rise or protect your bottom or screaming and begging the job is yours. Of course I don’t expect you to be able to take it without any noise at all so I will allow moderate groaning” she said with a smile. “Are you ready?” Yes Mistress” Simon replied. Almost instantly he heard the sibilant swish of a cane and the burning impact as it connected with his unprotected cheeks. This was Simon’s first ever cane stroke and it took his breath away and it surprised him how painful it was. More strokes followed in rapid succession and the pain in his bottom grew with each one. How would he ever take 24 of these? He heard Gwen counting the strokes and to his horror realised that he had only taken 10, he wasn’t even halfway through and it felt like he was being whipped with red hot wires. He gritted his teeth and suddenly discovered that if he concentrated on the reward for success the pain become more bearable. 24 cried Gwen and Simon let out a deep sigh, he had made it through the first part of his ordeal, surely the paddle couldn’t be as bad. He soon discovered that the paddle was different but just as bad. The impact of the heavy wood upon his already welted bottom with its thud and the fact that it covered several of the cane weals each time was an exquisite agony. Finally it was over but instinctively he knew not to rise until given permission. Both women assessed the damage to his slender cheeks which were now a mass of black and blue bruises and red welts. “Stand up” came the command and gingerly he did so. “Well done, the job is yours” she said and Simon felt an immense feeling of satisfaction and happiness. ” Now pick up your clothes and go with Gwen”, Dutifully he followed Gwen and suddenly realised that he was in the outer office, still naked, with the marks of his recent beating glowing and surrounded by young women. ” Did he pass?” They asked Gwen and when she replied in the affirmative they all crowded round to look at his bum. A few of the braver ones gave his bottom a quick squeeze sending delightful sensations through his body but they all seemed genuinely happy that he had passed.

Fifteen minutes later, fully clothed but still with a wonderfully throbbing bottom Simon found himself on the way home. He laughed to himself as he realised that he still had no idea what his job was or what it paid. None of that mattered though he was going to start on Monday and he couldn’t be happier.Then he pulled up with a start as he realised that his wish had been granted. Alright he hadn’t specifically wished for this but it was clear that the old lady, or genie or witch whatever she had been had given him what he really desired. And what’s more the sun was shining, what a fantastic day.

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Story Contest Entry #3 : Better Wish What You Wish for, It Might Come True

Readers,

The spanking stories for the ‘Spanking Wish’ contest just keep coming…there are DOZENS! Here’s another fun one…

Enjoy!

– Dana

 

 

**********

“Better Wish What You Wish for, It Might Come True”

My name is Amy I am 61 years old and have been married for 29 years to a man 9 years younger than me.  We have one daughter a 29 year old new bride currently on her honeymoon.  Our life is returning to normal after the emotional and stressful marriage of our daughter Sage to her high school sweetheart Jason.  I am sitting on our porch sipping on a glass of wine with my husband John and pondering what role wishing during a meteor shower played on events.

A little over a decade ago Sage and Jason were brought to this same porch late at night by a neighbor, a police officer, for breaking into their high school.  The officer explained that because they were both over 18 years of age they could be tried as adults for burglary.  He added that he knew Sage was a good girl and had just made a stupid mistake.  He had apprehended them while they were climbing through a window in the school that they had left unlocked in order to steal a copy of their math class final exam.

After the officer left I asked them, “What were you thinking?”  Their prom was next weekend and in my anger I announced, “You are not going to the prom!”  As soon as the words came out of my mouth I regretted saying them; but, I could not back down on my decision.  A meteor shower was lighting the sky as I wished there was some way that they could still go to the prom; and, Sage and Jason simultaneously said, “Please let us go to the prom.”  They then smiled their first smile of the evening, locked their pinky fingers together, and made a wish.

Sage was hysterical and told me how unfair I was and pleaded for me to change my mind.  I had promised Sage that I would never spank her; but, told her that my mother would have given me a good paddling when I was 18 if I had pulled a stunt like that.  Sage said, “I wish you would spank me instead of not allowing me to go to the prom.”  I reminded Sage that I had promised never to spank her and explained that if I agreed to grant her wish and spank her she would be a very unhappy girl long before I was finished and that once I turned her over my knee it would be too late for her to change her mind.  Sage said,  “When Jason and I locked pinky fingers I wished that there was some way that we could still go to our prom and I will submit to a spanking.”

Sage had no idea about my proficiency in administering sound punishment paddlings acquired early in my marriage to John.  I am still tall and athletic with a taut physique, well toned body, and muscular arms at 61 years of age.  I started spanking John when I was 29 and he was 20.   John still finds himself draped across my lap about once a month when his attitude needs adjusting.  I only believe in painful punishment spankings and have never given a playful sexual spanking.  John hates being spanked and finds nothing erotic being turned over my knee.  When he needs a good spanking I always tease him by wearing sexy bras, panties, stockings, garter belts, and lingerie while I paddle his bottom with my Spencer style Dana’s Inferno long after he is kicking, squirming, and crying.

I took Sage into my bedroom and put the same straight backed vanity chair in the middle of the room that I use when paddling John.  Sage looked stunned when I pulled my paddle out from the bottom of my lingerie drawer!  I sit on the chair and lowered Sage’s jeans to her knees and put her across my lap.  I raised my paddle high above my head and brought it down with a snap of my wrist.  Sage tried to be stoic but let out a gasp as the imprint of my paddle showed through her thin nylon panties.  Sage began crying and pleading as I continued to paddle her panties.  As I promised her she would be a well spanked girl when finally left off of my lap.  She didn’t realize how much my spankings hurt when she agreed to be paddled.  After paddling her dad on the same chair with the same paddle I have become an expert disciplinarian!

When I returned to the living room with my paddle still in my hand my future son-in-law looked shocked.  I shook my paddle at him and told him that he was also to blame for Sage’s spanking and if he was my son it would be his turn to go over my knee.  Jason had tears in his eyes and he said that he was sorry and felt awful hearing Sage’s cries and pleads during her spanking and that since Sage agreed to be spanked that he should also be spanked.  I ordered my future son-in-law into my bedroom where Sage was lying on her stomach on my bed crying.  Her jeans were still pulled down and you could see her bright red bottom through her panties.  Her face was red, her eyes puffy, and tears were running down her face as she rubbed her sore bottom.

Sage was stunned when I sit on my vanity chair, lowered Jason’s pants and briefs, and put him across my lap.  “You deserve the spanking you are going to get.  You need a firm female’s hand to keep you in line.”  My first spank landed on the middle of both cheeks leaving a perfect imprint of my paddle and the holes in it.  My second spank landed right below the first and I continued to paddle up and down his bottom.  “How does that feel?” I asked as my paddle landed on the spot that was the reddest.  I continued to paddle up one side and down the other as Jason squirmed and twisted from side to side.  “This is just the beginning,” I said as Jason began crying uncontrollably and dancing on my lap.  “Naughty men need to be spanked.  You earned this bare bottom trip across my lap.”

Sage seemed to enjoy seeing Jason share in her punishment as he kicked and squirmed over my lap.  They had no clue that they were both spanked with me sitting on the same straight backed chair using the same paddle I use on John while he is reduced to tears and pleads while over my knee.  When I released Jason he did the same spanking dance around the room that John does about once a month.

Tonight a decade later I’m sitting on my porch pondering how many mother-in-laws have spanked their daughter’s husbands and thinking that you better watch out what you wish for because it might come true!

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Story Contest Entry #2 : Birthday Wish

Readers,

 

Here’s another of our entrants’ great stories for the  ‘Spanking Wish’ contest .~~

Enjoy!

– Dana

 

 

**********

‘Birthday Wish’

 

“Come on, honey!” she says, excitedly, taking my hand and leading me into the kitchen.
I say nothing, but follow her, wondering what she is so happy about.
“I know the party isn’t until tomorrow,” she begins, “but since your actual birthday was today, I thought it would be nice to do something to celebrate this evening.”
My friends and a few relatives are all coming over tomorrow for a birthday party that she insisted on throwing in spite of all of my protests. I have never been a huge fan of parties, and this year, I have been feeling a little depressed thinking about all of the goals I had set for myself at this point in my life but did not accomplish, so celebrating is the last thing I feel like doing.
We step into the kitchen, and there is a small cake sitting on the table with one candle burning in the center.
“Happy birthday,” she tells me, giving my hand an enthusiastic squeeze. “Hurry up and make a wish before that candle melts and gets wax all over the cake!”
Taking a deep breath, I blow out the candle and say, “I wish you would just let go of the idea of the damn party and tell everyone not to come.”
The smile on her face disappears, replaced by a stern look with a raised eyebrow.
“Alright, young lady, we will skip the cake for now and come back to that later. We need to work on your attitude, and I believe we can achieve that with the birthday spanking. Go and wait for me in your bedroom,” she orders, her tone leaving no room for argument.
Quietly, I walk to my room and sit on the bed, already regretting my words. Why did I have to say anything? While I really don’t want a party, she has made a huge effort to come in from out of town and organize everything, and now, I have probably made her mad.
Several minutes pass before I hear a soft knock at the door.
“Come in,” I say, nervously.
She steps into the room, holding a thick, sturdy looking wooden ruler.
“ We need to have a little talk, don’t we?” she asks, taking a seat beside me on the bed and putting the ruler on the nightstand for the moment.
“I am so sorry,” I tell her, looking at my feet instead of her.
Placing a hand under my chin, she gently lifts my head until we are making eye contact. “I’m sure you are sorry, sweetie, and you will probably be even sorrier in a few minutes, but I want to know what’s bothering you. You have been moody and difficult for the last couple of days, and I’m not going to put up with that anymore. I think, you need to tell me what is going on, right now.”
“I just don’t see the point in celebrating my birthday this year,” I explain. “I haven’t gotten anything right yet, so why should I be happy?”
“What do you mean by that?” she asks, still making me look into her eyes.
Slowly, I start to tell her about all of the goals and plans that I thought would be a reality at this point in my life, and how worried and upset I have been lately over not achieving those goals. I explain how I feel like I failed at so much, and how frustrated I have been in the past few weeks.
“I wish you had told me that you were feeling this way,” she says, pulling me in for a hug. “I could have helped you if I had known how unhappy you felt, and I would have also told you not to feel like things have gone wrong just because they didn’t fit with plans you made when you graduated from high school. Most people make plans at that point in life, and most people end up doing something different, but that’s okay.”
“I’m sorry,” I say again, leaning into her hug. “I have just been really frustrated. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”
“About that,” she says, easing me out of the hug and directing me to look at her again. “I can understand that you have had a lot on your mind, but that is no excuse for waiting until you get so upset to say anything, and it is certainly not a reason to snap at me, is it?”
“No, ma’am,” I reply, shaking my head.
“Take your shoes off,” she orders.
I nod and slide both shoes off, pushing them out of the way.
“Now, stand up,” she states, pointing to the spot on the floor in front of her.
I get up from my spot and move to stand in front of her, feeling nervous about what I know is about to happen.
Silently, she unbuttons and unzips my jeans, helping me to step out of them. Next, she slides my panties down, then, helps me step out of them too.
“Alright, young lady, let’s get this over with,” she says, pointing to her lap.
Carefully, I lower myself across her knees, resting my legs on the bed.
She wraps her arm around my waist securely, resting her palm firmly against my bare bottom. “Do you have anything you want to say before we get started?” she asks me.
“I’m sorry for getting so frustrated, and I didn’t mean to get upset with you,” I assure her, tensing up a bit.
“Relax for me,” she says, calmly. “This is going to hurt, but I won’t hurt you. I want you to think about what we have talked about while I spank you, and I want you to try and let go of some of that frustration.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I promise, taking a deep breath.
“That’s a good girl,” she assures me, raising her hand and bringing it down firmly across my bottom.
I whimper a little from her first stroke, which is quickly followed by a steady rhythm of more sharp swats.
For the next few minutes, my skin grows warmer and starts to really hurt while she continues to spank. I can also feel all of the thoughts that have been going around in my head for the last few weeks starting to settle.
As some of my frustration disappears, I become less tense, and focus more on the spanking I am receiving, which is becoming more than a little bit uncomfortable. Now, I let out a few yelps and kicks when her hand comes into contact with my sore skin.
“That’s it, sweetie,” she says in a comforting tone, stopping the hand spanking to reach for the ruler on the nightstand. “We just have to get through a bit more.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I agree, nervously.
“I know you’re worried now, and this next part is going to hurt,” she tells me. “This is your birthday spanking, but it is also a punishment for letting yourself get as worked up as you did and not asking for any help. It is okay to say something when you are having a problem, and I want you to remember that, okay?”
“Okay,” I promise, trying to relax a little over her lap.
I feel her arm rise, then, she brings the ruler down sharply across both cheeks at the same time, causing me to squeal.
Her grip on me tightens as she delivers one sharp stroke after another, sometimes alternating from cheek to cheek, and sometimes getting both at once.
The ruler stings so bad, and I am almost tempted to beg her to stop, but I know from past experience that even when a spanking is really hurting, because she is not going to really hurt me, she will stop when she is ready, and no amount of begging will change that.
I start whimpering more and more, and it has become impossible to keep from kicking my feet after each swat. “I am so sorry, and I promise, I will say something and never let myself get upset and grouchy again,” I tell her, not sure that I can handle the ruler much more.
She gives me several more strokes, much harder than all of the others, then, puts the ruler back on the nightstand.
“It’s okay,” she reassures me, releasing her grip around my waist. She places a gentle hand on my back and starts rubbing it in slow circles. “It’s over, sweetie.”
For several minutes, I stay quiet over her lap while she rubs my back and tells me everything is going to be alright.
Finally, she helps me sit up and pulls me into a tight hug. “Are you okay?” she asks.
“Yes, ma’am,” I answer her. “And thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she says. “Now, we can talk a more about everything if you need to, but first, would you like to go back into the kitchen and give blowing the candle out another try?”
“I would like to do that,” I agree as she helps me stand up and hands me my panties and jeans.
Once I am fully dressed, she wraps her arms around me for another hug. “Happy birthday,” she says, smiling as we go back into the kitchen.

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Story contest entry #1 : A Four Leaf Clover

Readers,

Below, our first ‘Spanking Wish’ contest entry, with many more to come.

 

Enjoy!

–  Dana

 

**********

‘A Four Leaf Clover’

Well where do I begin,
I was out enjoying the start of spring or at least it was a whole lot warmer and greener then it had been two months earlier!
I had wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle of the big city,traffic,load rude people, or maybe just get away from the wife always nagging me to clean up the house,garage, and well the yard as the snow was milted and the leaves were all just rotting under the tree where I had left it last fall. “Yes she had reminded me several times to bag them up before the first big snow”
Well I jumped on my bike that I had been waiting to take out “Just to blow out the carbon and feel the wind in my hair again!
Jill my wife had woke up this morning and said she was going to the Zoo with her two sisters, Kathy and RayLynn.
“Wow was Raylynn a looker!”
But any ways they would be gone for hours and the country roads were calling my name!
No sooner had Jill joined her sisters and I was out the door putting my leathers and warming up the the motor!
I head out of town on state route 140 looking forward to the curves through the mountian’s ahead,
about forty miles up the road the mountains open up to meadows and some of the clearest streams one could only dream about of see in pictures in all those field and stream magazines.
Just as i got out of the mountians I had to stop for a pit stop and drain that second cup of coffee I had just after breakfast.
as I was standing by what was the only tree for miles I dropped my sunglasses and reached down to pick them up when I seen it,
 ‘A Four leaf Clover!’ Cool.
I picked it up and thought about how this was going to be a very lucky day for me!
I got back on my bike and continued on.
I was cruizing along when I thought I seen some one standing along the road but as I got closer they were no longer there!
I past a sign that stated Crystal springs meadow three miles,
I had not been up that road since i was twelve when Dad and i would get away and go fishing and as he called it “Get away from Mom time”
as i slowed to make the turn there was this person again standing at the turn off hitching up the road towards Crystal Springs
“Strange’ it was a woman in a green outfit she was not very tall about 4’8” when i stopped I was thinking she or should I say the person had to be taller as I seen her from a far distance away before I stopped!
She told me she had a cabin up the valley and would pay me handsomely for a ride!
I asked more joking then seriously where are your parents and she looked to be no more then sixteen or so,
She told me she had not seen her parents in twenty years! OK this is getting weird there was no way she was in her thirty as I put 18 and her supposed twenty together since she may have left home.
She brought me back to her question of a ride and I agreed to take her to her cabin.
we were riding along for maybe fifteen miles when she said just up ahead is a road across the meadow I slowed to make the turn and she climbed off the bike and opened a gate that looked to be as old as the hills that were in the distance!
after I stopped and she closed the gate she climbed back on the back of the bike and told me just a little farther and she would pay me what ever i asked of her. Boy was my mind wondering with that statement but I told her it was no problem and i was happy to help!
We road up a glen following a stone covered road “Now who would ever build and road here out of stones that I can’t even imagine where they got them to build it! They almost were almost shimmering!
But what happened next was just to much to believe! just as we came around the last turn was a cottage  that was well right out of a painting by Thomas Kinkade! I parked the bike and she asked me to please come in and have a cool drink of water and then she would grant me what ever I asked!
I entered in to the cottage and the room it seemed to just spread out and she was gone, To where I did not know! She was just here right in front of me and the room was far to big for her to just turn a corner and be gone!
But then she was suddenly right behind me with a glass of the clearest coolest water I had ever seen or tasted!
she told me to follow her in to the other room and i less then a twinkle of and eye we were in a living room that had some of the prettiest hand carved wood furniture imaginable all made of Oak draperies made of what look like moss, and honestly if I did not know better the room was lit up with Fire Fly’s!
It smelled of Pine,Mint,Wild flowers, and had a cool moist feel Very Earthy!
I had not noticed until just now she was no longer wearing her Florescent Green outfit but a Dark Green evening gown that well, if there was ever a woman with a perfect figure she had it! she was neither slender nor heavy “I don’t know it was almost like she had the figure every man dreams of when they dream of that perfect woman! You know some men love a large woman with curves and some like them tall and slender! This woman had well that body I always dreamed of!
she had me sit down on a couch that was so comfortable I thought I had fallen a sleep the second I sat down!
That was when she asked me so what would you like for your unselfish serenader of time?
I kept saying to myself I would not ask for any thing but then just blurted out “I wish My Wife would stop nagging me about the chores and cleaning the house!” Wow did I just say that? I mean I don’t even know this lady and I am complaining about my wife! And she told me I could have any thing I wished for and I asked for my wife to get off my case! “Shaking head”
She said it is as you wish but since what you asked can be solved by you also there is a price you will pay for her no longer bringing up the things that she is asking of you!
And if you fail to do them she will have a power over you to do as she chooses!
When you get back home she will not be home yet!
You must do the three things you have promised her you would do!
Clean the yard,Clean the garage, and Start helping her with chores inside the house!
OK this is just to Weird how does she know what I have promised and or do all women think Men are lazy and do much the same thing’s?
But as you did not ask for monetary or some thing that would go against your love and commitment to your partner I will give you one more wish but it can only be something that will make you both happy!
OK Wow what do I wish for that would make us both happy!
by doing the things you promise her to do she will always look like and be the woman you always dreamed of and agree to letting you have the things you want that makes you happy!
But remember she will no longer complain to you but have you do things you will regret!
I don’t know how I got here but I was standing next to the Old Oak tree where I found the Four Leaf Clover and wanted to head home and clean up the yard!
When i got back I did start cleaning the yard but when i was done I went inside and turned on the TV I woke to Jill standing in front of me asking what happened to the garage!
The Garage what do you mean?
We walked out to the Garage and it was a bigger mess then I had seen it just a few hours ago!
Jill told me to clean it up and when I am done she will be wanting to set some new rules that will be followed or life would become my worst nightmare!
I finished the garage and went inside Jill told me she felt I was acting like a Lazy child and needed to be treated like one!
And as soon as I cleaned the bathroom “Like she had asked me two days in a row to do” I was going to make her a set of Paddles and other things that she will use when ever she asks me to do some thing and it does not get done!
I learned what the Leprechaun Lady meant when she warned me to do as I am asked or there would be a price to pay and what she meant when she told me what I would get if I did what I had promised to do!
Life is very painful when the chores are not done
But when I do as I am told my life has been filled with Happiness and time to enjoy our time together!
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Spanking PSA Tips for Newbies : Don’t rush it

 

While it’s exciting when we first discover spanking, either in our own private little minds as adolescents, or as questioning young adults with the world now at our fingertips – or maybe even a middle-agers who’ve decided to try a new approach to life in general, the whole shebang can be a little overwhelming.

Sometimes that’s a great thing, and sometimes not.

Not because spanking isn’t great, or because having interest in this type of play is wrong or weird (we’ve already established our normalcy, I think, as far as the term can be defined), but because it’s hard to tap the brakes when you Discover Spanking.

Most of the newbies who contact me are reaching out, tentatively, for the first time – to acknowledge their difference, ask questions, confirm they’re no wacko, or to ask ‘where did this come from?’ Usually, after a bit of discussion and information exchange, they’re ready to make the big leap and hop over someone’s lap ASAP. Totally understandable, given the amount of excitement and anticipation the human mind is capable of conjuring. They want to do it, now or sooner, and want to try it all at once – like one of those never-ending buffets you see at the casinos here in Sin City.

The problem with that? Well, when has overindulgence served us well? If you really tried to eat your way through that endless buffet all at one sitting, you’d darn well deserve the heart attack you’d surely experience while dragging your bloated self out of that booth.

As with everything else in life, your spanking experience should happen naturally, in moderation, and with considered aforethought.

slow-down

Think of it this way: If you’ve just discovered your interest in spanking, your next move was probably to open a whole bunch of tabs on the interweb, searching things like “spanking”, “adult discipline”, “accountability”, or even (affectionately) “spanking porn”.

You’re immediately inundated with  hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of options – websites, blogs, infographics, news stories, opinions both pro and con. It’s a helluva lot to take in, and not everything you read will be accurate and/or reassuring. So you keep looking. You find what looks like what you’re interested in, and you decide to ‘go for it’. Great!

But don’t just grab the first person you see and ask ’em for a spanking, and certainly don’t hop onto social networks and broadcast your interest/need/desire to spank or be spanked to the world right away. Look around, take your time, see how people in the community behave, interact, and (hopefully) respect one another. Choose correspondents and playmates carefully, and don’t try to get yourself spanked three days after you meet someone. Take it slow. You have PLENTY of time for great spanking experiences, but should have none whatsoever for bad ones.

The more homework you do in advance, and the more you educate and ‘enlighten’ yourself about spanking and domestic discipline, the more savvy you’ll be when it comes time to get your spank on.

Even then, don’t try to get all your spanking fantasies out at once. Again, as in life, if we do it all at once, what’s the use of continuing? Try a little hand spanking, maybe a couple implements…see how you feel in the situation first, before you go and construct a bunch of elaborate fantasy roleplays involving judicial punishments and spencer paddles making you cry real tears. It doesn’t happen that way for most of us, and it won’t likely for you either…not if you’re doing it right. (Here is where I insert the disclaimer that the above is entirely my opinion which I willingly inflict on the general public via this blog. You’re welcome to ignore it completely and knock yourself out (possibly literally) in your haste…but don’t come crying to me when it all goes apples up. I’ll just spank you for not listening.)

Read the title again; don’t rush it. It’ll happen, and when it does – wow! – will it be worth the wait.

–  Dana

 

 

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Another useless waste of bandwidth, otherwise known as TUS (But not TOTALLY unrelated)

 

As if you don’t all know entirely too much about me already:

 

 

1. Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?

Randomly, I’m going to say Penn and Teller. They seem like nice, funny guys.

penn-and-teller-2

 

 

2. Who do you blame for your mood today?

If I blame anyone but myself for my mood on any given day, I am shirking responsibility.

The-Moment-You-Take-Responsibility-350x206

 

 

3. Have you ever seen a dead body?

Yes. I don’t recommend it.

download

 

 

4. What should we do w/ stupid people??

If they’re just ignorant, then we educate them. Once they’re no longer ignorant, if they still choose to be stupid, then we just ignore them and hope they go away, I guess.

bfc5a579a527e02758a182155d4baebf

 

 

5. How long do you think you will live?

By my estimation, I will live to be 142 years old. That’s because, no matter how old I am, I always plan on living another hundred years. Ask me again next year for the updated estimate.

Buster-from-How-to-Live-Forever-film

 

 

6. What was the first thing you did this morning?

I do the same ‘first thing’ every morning: wrestle my fat little dog out of my bed for his morning walk. Neither of us is ever overly enthused.

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7. The color of carpet in your bedroom?

It’s beige, and I hate it. I hate all carpet, of all colors, because I own cats.

stiff-017

 

 

9. Last person you went out to dinner with?

I honestly cannot remember the last time I went ‘out’ for dinner. Lunch, all the time; dinner, not so much.

EatingAlone_narrow1A

 

 

10. Are you spoiled?

Sure. But not in that “gotta have a Birkin bag” kind of way.

Spoiled-Princess-kylie-minogue-17092507-2362-1478

 

 

11.Do you drink lots of water?

Yes. There is exactly one gallon of water in each pitcher of iced tea I consume.

iced-tea-pitcher-sm

 

 

12. What toothpaste do you use?

The one in the tube.

execute-ultimate-fake-toothpaste-prank.w654

 

 

13. How do you vent your anger?

Heh…

spoiled-kids-card

 

 

14. The last compliment you received?

My cat gave me the universal kitty ‘thumbs up’ this morning – a headbutt.

Headbutt_Cats

 

 

15. What are you doing this weekend?

I will spend this weekend the same way I spend every weekend – thinking about, writing about, filming, and giving spankings!

Spanking-Becomes-Abuse-Paddle

 

 
16 When was the last time you threw up?

I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it is gross.

giphy

 

 

17. Is your best friend a virgin?

Pffft!

 

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18. What theme does your room have?

Theme? Who has a theme anymore?

basic-bedroom-designbasic-contemporary-bedroom-design-ideas-free-desktop-background-hd-wogfoetc

 

 

19. When was the last time you were at a party?

Boardwalk Badness 2013.

SSNY

 

 

20. Are you a mama’s child or a daddy’s child?

Neither.

neverdaddysgirl-300x199

 

 

21. Would you ever join the military?

Nope. I don’t do well with authority. ~~

goldie-hawn-private-benjamin-inline

 

 

22. The last website you visited?

I’m here now..

 

 

 

23. Who was the last person you took a picture with?

Do the photos the dental technician took last week count?..

second-opinions

 

 

25. Last person you went to the movies with?

I saw the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie with one of my ‘little’ boys last fall. It was very loud.

Teenage_Mutant_Ninja_Turtles_film_July_2014_poster

 

 

26. What did you do/will you do for your birthday this year?

I have no idea whatsoever.

happybirthdaytome

 

 

27. Number of layers on your bed?

Do cats count?

bed full of cats

 

 

28. Is anything alive in your room?

See above (plus one fat dog).

XZMJTpL

 

 

29. Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward a week?

Never, ever go back. You’ve been there already. Onward!

onward

 

 

30. What are you looking forward to right now?

Everything.

Anything_Is_Possible

 

 

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If there ever was a time to Mind Your Manners..

 

This is it.

Ms. Kane’s temper is running short, so any instances of:

– unnecessary smart-ass-ed-ness
– jealous/obsessive behavior
– offering to SPANK me
– or otherwise annoying the bejeezus out of me

will result in:

– expulsion.
 

Class dismissed.

 

Posted on

Not dead. Not in jail. Not yet.

Hello all,

While you’ve all been going about your ever-so-uncomplicated lives (insert sarcasm here), I’ve been recovering from what started as a simple dental procedure and ended up being quite an odyssey (who ever knew me to complicate things, huh?), all while preparing for several weeks of all-out spanking madness in order to catch up on all the time I’ve missed.

Happy to report that all HUMAN systems are running optimally and I’ll be back shooting, posting, and generally talking too damn much in just a couple days.

Except, as you know, things are never that simple…

Last night there was a *pop* power outage, a teeny one that didn’t even reset the digital clocks; but it DID knock out my interweb and a whole bunch of other technical crap about which I shall not trouble you, mainly because I don’t understand any of it either. The gist is, I have limited online access until the magical guys come tomorrow evening and wave their I.T. wands over my desk three times or something. I’ll keep up with email when I’m able, but have long since given up on doing any real communicating on my smart phone as the screen is just too damn small. (Ohgod, I just realized – I’m MIDDLE AGED!!)

So this post is really not about much at all, other than the fact that I’ve received several emails to the effect of, “What the hell? Where are the blog posts?”. Okay, nobody said, ‘What the hell’ because they know I’d smack them, but you get the idea…

I’m here. The dentist did not kill me, nor I her, and we will be back to regularly-scheduled programming soon as the interweb decides to play nice with my light-up boxes.

– Dana

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*A note for DKS.com site members*

 

Guys and Gals,

I’d like to draw your attention to the star system on my member site  – it’s that little set of five white stars, one of which you’re supposed to click on to ‘rate’ the scene you’ve just watched. It’s been there since the site’s inception and is rarely utilized.

 

So how in all heck do you expect me to know what you like/want more of or love/want lots more of (see what I did there)?

 

A little audience participation, boys and girls, if you please – it’s called Feedback and it’ll make the site better for all of you.

–  Dana

 

P.S. Further failure to participate will result in me coming to your house and stealing all your forks.

 

 

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PSA : The Little Things

 

They say that it’s the little things that count.

And that can be true with spanking, too.

 

I don’t have to heft a huge frat paddle.

All I need is a little wooden spoon.

 

I don’t have to swing my arm back as far as it will go.

Just aim for the sit spot – that’ll keep your attention.

 

No need to tie  you down, either.

You’re going to hold still because I said so.

 

I don’t need to hit you a thousand times.

But I will make you think twice about coming here.

 

There’s no reason to make you bleed.

I’d rather make you whimper.

 

 

 

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Just so you all know

 

..I’m tweeting my little heart out over here.

Okay, not really, but so far, so good.

I’d LOVE to see all my readers, friends, and playmates there, too, but you can’t have an egghead profile to get past my ninja-egg-blocker.

(It doesn’t have to be a picture of your face, silly. Just put something cute/funny/spanky up there and take a minute to actually fill in your profile info so you don’t look like a *spammerbot*.)

 

I’m not saying you have to do it, I’m just saying you’ll miss stuff if you don’t.

@MsDanaKane

 

 

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You asked for it.. (TUS)

 

Everyone,

Checking in with you quickly from my staycation, and quickly addressing the numerous (okay, only two, but still) requests for animal photos.

So this technically cannot be consider ‘forced viewing’, right? (Still, click each photo to see them full-size or I’ll come to your house and beat you up.)

 

 

 

 

And here’s a video of Buddy being weird, which is not at all unusual:

 

 

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Scroll down, please..

Hey kiddos,

Sometimes there’s a post on the blog that’s ‘sticky’, which means that it’s gonna stay at the top of the page for a few days or a week or whatever. The new posts will always show up directly under that sticky post, so sometimes ya just gotta scroll past it. In the case of the ‘staycation’ post, for example, I had it ‘stuck’ to the front page for a few days to make sure everyone saw it, but the new posts were still going up – right underneath it. (It’s unstuck now, as it proved a bit confusing for some.)

 

Dig around a little – it’ll be fun.

 

–  Dana

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Results of the ‘Let’s Talk about YOU’ Survey

With 122 responses, let’s see just how much you all have in common:

(The survey is still live, HERE, and in the top tab.)

 

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*To view the below images in full resolution, click each to enlarge. I’m especially tickled that someone’s favorite movie is ‘But I’m a Cheerleader’)

 

 

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*Staycation*Warning* Blogging Break Coming (and a New Product Testing video to soften the blow~)

 

Hey kiddos,

I’ll be taking a bit of a break from the blog for a few weeks. That’s not to say that I won’t be posting at all, but for the most part will be spending my time drinking coffee and trying to brush my cats, which they hate.

I’m also going to take a break from my inbox, so if you’ve written and it’s not an emergency…relax. I’ll get back to you soon. For the more enthusiastic emailers, please don’t write thirty-five times during my absence, as I’m only going to reply to one of ’em.

New stuff, mostly about spanking, will be back soon – soon as my Mac and I have returned from our staycation.

–  Dana

 

Oh, you just want the vid, huh?…

Here ya go:

 

 

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I won second place! (I wonder what the cash prize is?!)

 

Hi everyone,

I’d like to take a minute to thank the Chief over at SpankingBlogg.com and all the folks who voted on this year’s Spanking Awards. It looks like I came in second in the 2014 Female Spanker category – wedged pleasantly between Sarah Gregory and Pandora Blake. Not a terrible place to be, if you’ll agree.~~~

 

The below copied from SpankingBlogg.com. Click the link above to see the full post, and all the other categories and winners.

___________

Female Spanker 2014
(This was a heavily subscribed category so it is to 3 places)

Winner – Sarah Gregory


Runner Up – Dana Kane


& 2nd (very close) Runner Up – Pandora Blake


Posted on

It’s Been a Long Time

My friends,

Although I’m typing this post a few days early, by the time you read it, dated December 23, 2014, we’ll have been together here for more than four years.

This blog, in it’s original incarnation on blogger and imported here in 2013, contains somewhere upward of 850 individual posts, 200+ original, reader-submitted spanking stories, more than 3800 reader comments, and a whole bunch of me, running off at the mouth about this, that, and spanking. There are probably close to 100 free spanking videos now – Product Testing, Tips for Tops, previews, etc. – and uncountable photos, still, snaps, and images from several years of spanking boys and girls on film.

We’ve talked a lot about serious things, and delved pretty deeply into our interests, our victories, and our defeats. We’ve also been downright silly, probably more than anything else.

Every year I try and come up with a way to properly thank you, every single one, for enriching my life in some way, even if it’s just that you choose to come here twice a year and poke around for a while…I’m grateful.

For those of you who comment, write, and engage – well, I’m in your debt. Your feedback (whether positive, negative, or completely nonsensical) is immeasurably valuable to someone who sometimes wonders why she spends so much damn time typing. Thank you.

All my friends and playmates, what can I say? You’ve changed my world, and my view of people in general. You’ve shown me, over and over again, just how very human we all are – and what an amazing thing that is. Sharing yourselves with me, so intimately, and for so long, proves what I’m always telling every single one of you – you’re beautiful people. I love you all.

Who knows what next year will bring any of us? Hopefully, we’ll all get at least one step closer to wherever it is we’re heading.

(Also spanking.)

Happy this year. Happy next year. Happy every year.

 

With deepest gratitude,

– Dana

Posted on

Tattle on yourself : Anonymous Spankworthy Deeds GAME

 Updated 12/21 : Due to overwhelming naughtiness, no more confessions will be accepted. We’ll revisit this game soon!

Readers,

I thought it would be fun to give you all the chance to ‘tattle on yourselves’ – tell me (and everyone else reading) what you’ve done to earn a spanking.

Maybe there’s something from thirty years ago that you still feel guilty about, or maybe it’s something you just did last night, but everyone’s done something that deserves being taken over the knee for a sound disciplinary spanking. I’d love to know what YOU have done…

…so let’s make it even more fun. Leave your ‘confession’ anonymously in the comments section, so that even I won’t know who you are, and you’ll be free to really tell the truth. Maybe it’ll even make you feel better to tattle on yourself a bit.

Then I’ll reply with your ‘sentence’ – what I consider the appropriate disciplinary action based on your confession. For example, if you stole a piece of bubble gum fifteen years ago, you’d likely be sentenced to a stern talking-to about the evils of stealing and a short but sharp OTK hand spanking. If, on the other hand, you committed grand theft auto yesterday,  your sentence would likely be 100 judicial cane strokes while fully bound.

Sounds fun, right? (Considering that you don’t have to endure an ACTUAL punishment, you can even act all tough and pretend that your sentence is ‘no big deal’, as I *know* some of you will.)

 

Alright, boys and girls, this one time…it’s Okay to Tattle, on yourself….

My maternal grandmother had this same paddle hanging on a nail on the wall, within arm's reach, behind her recliner.
My maternal grandmother had this same paddle hanging on a nail on the wall, within arm’s reach, behind her recliner. Being the absolute innocent angel I was (and am), I have nothing to confess.

 

–  Dana

 

* Before you get started, keep in mind that I will not publish any comment containing filthy language. Seriously. Stop it.

** Also, don’t email me privately to make your confession. If you can’t tattle on yourself publicly (albeit anonymously), then you don’t get to play.

*** Finally, please remember that this is a GAME – it’s not real life. My comments are meant to be taken with a grain of salt. Don’t go getting your ass on your shoulders.

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You are Beautiful

 
Everyone (and I do mean everyone),

After a long conversation yesterday with one of my new friends, I couldn’t help going back to our exchange in my mind, all last evening. Without going into any specific detail, my new playmate is a sweet, gentle, beautiful, respectful, delightful person. She’s smart, well-educated, and has achieved much already in her first three decades. Like nearly every single person I’ve had the wonderful pleasure of meeting via this thing we call spanking, she’s a Good Apple. But there’s a problem:

 

She doesn’t love herself enough.

 

That’s not her fault; it’s the fault in the tools she’s been given to construct her self-image. And it’s not a singular issue, is it? How many of us has something(s) about ourselves which we simply cannot forgive? Are we too tall, too short, too skinny, too fat, too redheaded, too blonde, too freckly, too fair? Do we have scars, stretch marks, thinning hair, big feet, small hands, wrinkles? Do we feel inadequate – as partners, parents, friends…people? Are we underpaid, underappreciated – unloved?

Hell yes.

Every single one of us feels this from time to time. That’s called being human. But some of us feel it all the time – a prevailing sense of ‘not-good-enough-ness’ that no number of sunny days can relieve. We find ways to numb ourselves to our own thoughts, thereby cutting ourselves off from everyone else in the process.  Isolating. Finding ways to keep ourselves in that dark place because it’s the only place we feel comfortable.

That’s not our fault, either. Unless we don’t work, every day, to change our minds. Change our circumstances. Most importantly, change the way we look at ourselves.

 

Many times, I’ve asked my friends to stand in front of a mirror – looking into the reflection of their own eyes – and repeat things like, “I love myself.” You cannot imagine (or maybe you can) just how difficult these exercises can be. To look at oneself, not subjectively, but with unconditional love, is one of the hardest things most of us will ever accomplish. Usually, because we’ve not experienced enough of it – love without conditions, that is.

We’ll all talk much more about love, limits, self-care, and spanking for years to come, but today, there’s just one thing that I think ALL of you should know:

You are beautiful.

 

–  Dana

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Conversations with Spankos : Ideally…

 

Fellow spankos,

I regularly ask my new playmates, especially those who’ve not experienced much (or any) spanking play before, “What’s been swirling around in your mind? What do you think about when you think about your ‘ideal’ spanking?”

This is a great question for all of us, I think. What, if given the choice to have it happen ANY way you want, would be your ideal spanking scenario? Doesn’t matter whether you’re a top, a bottom, or a switch, or whether the spanking that you consider the best would be given or taken, either. We all have a main fantasy I think – the one that plays most often in our heads – and I’m interested in yours.

Tell me about your ‘ideal’ spanking in the comments area, so that others can join in the Conversation.

 

–  Dana

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Spanking PSA : Are you screwing up big-time right now?

Readers,

This isn’t really so much spanking-related as privacy-related, but since most of you would like to keep your spanking lives private, this may be advice you could use. I’m going to keep this simple for those of you with short attention spans:

 

Never send or receive ‘kinky’ email from/to your work-associated email address.

Why?

One word : LinkedIn.

Did any of you know that the above site is kind enough to send out a ‘join me on linkedin’ email to everyone on your email contacts list?

And did you know that I’ve received HUNDREDS of ‘join me on linkedin’ email invites over the past few years? From people from all different walks of life and a myriad of assorted professions, from CEO’s to carpenters to choir directors. All I’d have to do is click ‘accept’ and there you’d be, with your professional-looking linkedin profile, and little ol’ me showing up as your newest ‘contact’. Dana Kane – Professional Disciplinarian.

How many of you would really like me on your public list of business associates? Hmm……? Or how about any of the other folks you may or may not have emailed at 2am while perusing adult videos and maybe emailing someone you shouldn’t have? (I’m just saying…)

 

As much as I’d love to yell it from the rooftops that you’re all my closest and bestest spanko friends, I think it’s about time some of you pay a bit more attention to what goes where and to whom in the digital age. That is, if you care at all about keeping your secrets to yourself.

 

With love and concern for your common sense,

–  Dana

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New UK legislation just made some of your favorite sites illegal

 

Yes, you read right. I’ve been reading Pandora Blake’s blog, Spanked Not Silenced, and am shocked and dismayed to read the following, excerpted:

 

“Today in the UK, the law changed regarding the sort of content that can be sold online as “video on demand”, to bring online regulations in line with the existing guidelines for the BBFC (British Board of Film Classification). Video on Demand (VoD) services are regulated by the Authority for Television on Demand (ATVOD), which restricts the types of sexual content that UK VoD distributors can provide. In other words, online porn sales are now subject to the same restrictions as DVD sales, and it is no longer legal to sell online anything which could not be classified by the BBFC as R-18.”

What does all that malarkey mean?…..

According to Pandora’s post, it means:

“Under the new legislation, UK distributors are no longer allowed to sell content depicting bondage and gags, fisting, public sex, age play, facesitting, urination, female ejaculation, and spanking and caning beyond that deemed “transient and trifling”.” (Wait, FEMALE ejaculation is illegal but male ejaculation is totally okay? That’s some seriously repressed thinking, said the caveman.)

 

Are you paying attention? Basically, what’s being said here, in LEGISLATION in the UK, is that sites like Pandora’s DreamsofSpanking.com and others like it are now breaking the law. Every minute they’re online. Not because of sex for the sake of sex, or because of any of the parochial things you’d assume, but because of this strangely arbitrary list. The really screwed up part is that you, the consumer, may still happily watch content made in other countries, like the U.S., but that your lovely neighbor Pandora and others in the UK will be targeted as criminals. In the meantime, and in usual politico fashion, they’ve made it terribly easy for producers to circumvent this law by simply moving their servers to a proxy country. What a waste of official seals.

Please take a few moments to read Pandora’s full post HERE – and write, tweet, vote your opinions. Are the people of the UK going to allow their government to censor their creative and sexual rights this way? I sure as hell hope not.

 

* This is no joke kiddos. The UK isn’t outlawing violent video games where you can rape a hooker or shoot an innocent pedestrian, they’re not making it illegal to film a gangbang bukkake scene where the girl is obviously distressed, but it’s now illegal to spank someone hard, film it, and sell it, in the UK. This is disturbing on SO many levels. Mainly because we here in the U.S. always view the UK as somehow ahead of us in the arena of sexual freedoms….I guess we were wrong.  Gratitude to Pandora for bringing this issue to our attention, and all my love and support to the men and women who’ll be fighting this ridiculous legislation tooth and nail.

–  Dana

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New Product Testing with Dana Kane Video : SensualPaddles.com

Hey kids,

Here’s a new product testing video, starring my sweet friend Kay, and featuring paddles by our new friend at SensualPaddles.com. Not only are the paddles made well, and really pretty, but they’re an interesting combination of wood and some type of dense foam – making them partially painful and partially painLESS. We had fun playing around with these interesting implements, and it’s clear that, depending on which side you use, it’s a toss up to who will wear out first, you or your bottom.

Enjoy!

– Dana
 

 

Posted on

Are you receiving your subscribed posts via email?

UPDATED 11/25:

Still working on this problem everyone. I may have to switch the feed to a more reliable service. Stay tuned.

PS. The blog will be it’s usual hive of activity again soon.

 

________________________

 

Readers,

If you’re a Feedburner/RSS subscriber and haven’t been receiving your email updates, please take a moment to let me know, here in the comment section. A few folks have emailed to say that they’ve not received their email updates and I’m working hard to figure out why. Your feedback will make things easier. Also, if you’ve been experiencing feed outage and find that you’re now receiving updates, let me know that, too, otherwise I won’t know when I’ve gotten the damn thing fixed.

Thanks,
Dana

Posted on

“Brand Spanking New”

 

Readers,

 

As with most things, if I see the word ‘spanking’ I’m likely to pay a bit more attention. Here again is a case of semi-relation to our peccadillo, as one of our common English phrases contains the word which makes us all tingle:

 

“Brand Spanking New”

I found this recent article, posted on Grammarist.com, about the origins of the phrase (below copied directly from linked article):

 

The phrase brand spanking new means to be entirely new or recently created, and was first recorded in 1860. It evolved from the compound word brand-new and the phrase spick-and-span. Also, spanking, while the main definition is to hit someone on the butt, can also mean to move quickly. So one might say that a brand spanking new object was created quickly or appeared very fast. In truth, no one knows quite how it was coined or what it originally referred to.

This idiom is not officially recognized in most dictionaries, and as such does not have an official spelling. Most instances are hyphenated, since the phrase is used as a compound adjective. Though since hyphens in general are on the decline, an argument could be made for not using them. There are some publications which prefer hyphenating brand-spanking and not new, so that it is new that is being modified.

In the end, it is personal preference since this idiom is informal.

Example:

What better way to do it than whilst wearing a brand spanking new pair of kickers.

Although the example says ‘brand spanking new pair of kickers’, my spanko brain immediately turned the last word into ‘knickers’….works better my way, don’t you think?..

What better way to do it than whilst wearing a brand spanking new pair of knickers. 

 

– Dana

Posted on

Spanking Blogg is holding the 2014 Spanking Awards

 

Everyone,

‘The Chief’ over at Spanking Blogg is holding a fun nomination/voting for annual spanking awards. Seems that this is something another blogger has done in the past, but since they’ve apparently given it up, The Chief is going to be hosting the vote this year.

spanking awards
spanking awards

He’s asked that folks share the link so that he can get as many participants as possible, so click HERE to read the original post, and leave your picks in the comments section of his blog. I’m not sure how much longer you’ll be able to nominate your favorites, so get over there in a hurry if you want to participate. Otherwise, I believe that the actual voting comes after that, and there’ll be a reasonable period of time to vote.  The Chief says you can also email him your nominations if you don’t want to post your preferences publicly.

I’m going to add my votes now.~

 

 

Posted on

In the News : What the British Public thinks about politics and spanking

 

A couple weeks ago, The Independent published an article titled, “Role play, bondage and spanking: How we view the sex lives of politicos”, sharing a few spicy statistical excerpts from a book called, “‘Bedroom Politics: Party Images”.

Quoting the Independent article, “The British public believes Ukip supporters are bad in bed, Labour supporters are best, Lib Dems are boring and Conservatives are into spanking, according to a revealing new book.”

While I’m in no way qualifying the below statistics and have no way to confirm their accuracy – and also (probably shamefully) do not know a darned thing about the makeup of the British political landscape – the word ‘spanking’ is included in one of the graphs, so it’s worth looking at:

 

spanking fetish

spanking fetish

Click on the linked article title above to see more of the statistical data, and to read the entire text.

 

–  Dana

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Conversations with Spankos : Are Spanking Videos ‘Spanking Porn’?

 

Readers,

Oftentimes when talking with my fellow spankos, the subject of spanking videos comes up – naturally. Lots of my friends refer to spanking videos as ‘spanking porn’, and I’ve even done so on a couple of occasions. However, I don’t consider most spanking videos that I watch to be porn at all, so I’m not sure how exactly a non-sex impact fetish video becomes ‘porn’.

Is it because of the nudity? No, there’s all kinds of non-sexual nudity in the world, all the time. Is it the hitting? Of course not. Hitting is rarely eroticized outside the BDSM community, I’d imagine(?). So what is it about nude + hitting that = porn?

I know, I know..there’s lots of spanking-sex videos out there, and I’m not averse to those even though they’re usually not my taste (I like my spanking and sex videos served separate most of the time); I’m talking here about straight up, domestic discipline videos and/or corporal punishment videos …are they porn? Are they spanking porn? Do you use the term, or find it unfitting?

By taking a look at search engine ratings, the term ‘spanking porn’ is searched many hundreds of times more, exponentially, than the term ‘domestic discipline’ or ‘adult spanking’ – is there a crossover with mainstream sex and adult video here, do you think? Are ‘vanilla’s’ interested in spanking too, when it’s wrapped up in an otherwise vanilla porn video? I don’t imagine that a whole lot of non-spankos spend their time running down strictly-spanking videos, but maybe I’m way off the mark here. (Sadly, not a lot of non-spankos are running down spanko blogs either, so we’ll likely not get much input on the subject from the 99.997%.)

But there’s always us, and I’m always curious about your opinions on any and all things spanking – and so are your fellow readers, so leave your two cents in the comments section and let’s have a Conversation!

 

–  Dana

 

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You are NOT alone : Visitor Stats

Everyone,

There’s a feeling of isolation that sometimes comes along with being a bit different than those around us (the truth is that all of them are different, too, somehow, than everyone else) and we sometimes feel all alone in the world. Especially when you’re a part of some sort of minority, ours being the spanking-motivated kind, we all have occasion to feel as though we’re surrounded by people ‘other’ than us. As a way of relieving that notion, every year I have this handy little statistical thingy in the sidebar of my blog. As you can see, you can hardly toss a rock without hitting a fellow spanko, at least in many parts of the world..

Spanko blog visitors,

beginning January 1, 2014:

Flag Counter

Now, this little widget is just a code written by some cool folks which I’ve added to the blog. There’s also something called Analytics, which records daily visitors (along with a whole host of other boring/unrelated stats) for the week, month, year, and so on.

Per Analytics for this blog, the number of individual users who’ve visited since January 1, 2014 :

Individual Users

138,498

 

So no excuses! If you’re not spanking/being spanked in your current life, you can’t blame a lack of willing co-participants – unless, of course, you’re that one guy in Angola…

–  Dana
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Closing in on 42 : A Musical Interlude (TUS)

 

Music resonates with all of us – it soothes the Savage Beast, or something. Also, if you’re lucky, it has a good beat and you can dance to it! (American Bandstand reference. Anyone? Anyone…? Crickets.)

But I digress, which I understand happens far more frequently as one ages. Also losing eyeglasses, from what I’ve heard, so I’ve personally amassed a collection of reading glasses that would make Fred G. Sanford proud. (Crickets again.)

Seems like another sure sign of aging is making references to things from decades ago which many of your readers will NOT understand…move along young people, nothing to see here.

 

Back to music. Some things we love because they’re the soundtracks of our youth, and some we love because they remind us of a person or event in our lives. And sometimes it’s just a kickass song. Well, I’m from the sticks (the country, the woods, Down South, or, as we from there not-so-lovingly refer to it: BFE), so there’s a whole lotta fiddle in the soundtrack of my youth, and a whole bunch of old country ballads about love, loss, whiskey, trucks, trains, and swimmin’ holes. Lots of folks say that they hate country music for just these reasons, but my redneck heritage leads me to feel differently. There’s good newer stuff too, to be fair. So let’s take a short listen to some great songs you’ll probably hate if you’re not from the south. Listen anyway – it’s my birthday.

 

Mamma’s Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys – Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings

A quintessential country song..

 

 

I Will Always Love You – Dolly Parton

The original, the one-and-only, beautiful..

 
 

Jambalaya – Hank Williams

You cannot not love this song (unless, of course, you’re from anyplace else in the world, probably)…

 
 

Boondocks – Little Big Town

The country song which most reminds me of home..

 
 


But not all that music I grew up on was country, western, and cajun/creole; some of that music was rock and roll. My daddy was a bit of a wild child and grandma’s records weren’t the only ones playing on the home stereo. From that mixed bag of influence comes my favorite song of all time. From a girl born just a few miles from me, who also hated/loved her small-town upbringing. Boy, did she get a LONG way from southeast Texas!…

 

Me and Bobby McGee – Janis Joplin

Is there really anything else to say here? This is music history. Just listen..


 
 

 Fat Bottomed Girls – Queen

If you have to ask why I love this song, you have not been paying attention..

 
 

You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC

Oh hellyeah..

 
 
 
Then there’s this – possibly one of the most lyrically perfect songs ever (in my humble and not-to-be-challenged opinion).
 

Carnival  –  Natalie Merchant

If there is such a thing as a ‘second favorite’ song, this is mine…

 
 

And finally, in a bid to fairness, the song which – since the very first time I heard it – I find the most irksome on the entire planet.

 
 

Thanks for sticking around with me for another year – you all ROCK (and roll).

– Dana

P.S. For those so inclined, the birthday wishlist is HERE.

Posted on

Spanking PSA : Try Not

 

How many times have we all said, “I’m going to try to do better” or, “I’m trying to eat healthier and exercise” or “I’m trying to treat my spouse with more respect”?

I know how many  times I’ve heard statements like these in a disciplinary setting, and it almost always irritates me. Here’s why :

 

We shouldn’t have to TRY to do things we already know how to do. We *try* new things, not old ones. Respect is something we all learn/experience/view at a young age; healthy living is no secret, considering we’re all told from the outset what’s ‘bad’ and ‘good’ for us.

Is this making any sense?

You don’t *try* to drive to work. You just do. Because you already know how.

You don’t *try* to chew your food properly before swallowing. You just do. (Or you don’t, in which case Natural Selection takes place.)

I could do a lot of these silly ‘you don’t *try* things, but hopefully we’re on the same page now idea-wise..

 

Why, then, must we try so hard to take good care of ourselves, be nice to the people we love, and do good things for our communities and fellow people?

Why does everyone have to TRY so damn hard to do the Right Thing?

Just do it.

Because you already know how.

dana kane try not
Listen to Yoda

–  Dana

 

 

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Video Q&A #2 : Better late than….oh hell, it’s just late.

 

You’ve probably forgotten all about this VQA, but I haven’t…it’s just been sitting on one of the back burners a bit too long. However, after weeks of diligent procrastination, I’ve finally managed to sit still long enough to complete the task.

Thanks to everyone for participating, and even more for being patient.

–  Dana

 

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Conversations with Spankos : “I’ve had a lot of Bad Experiences”

 

Everyone,

 

I can’t say with certainty how many times I’ve heard the title phrase, but it’s enough to have prompted me to write this post. I’m hoping that, as always, you’ll recognize something in this which makes you think, laugh, learn, or – bonus! – all three at once.

We’ve talked abut bad scenes before, but I’d like to re-explore this in a different way: by giving you the floor.

When I gave a recent new playmate permission to talk about some of the things he’d experienced in past playtimes, there were more than a couple ‘bad scenes’ discussed; honestly, I was surprised that someone who’d had such poor experiences was still willing to experiment. I was also complimented that he’d trusted me enough to try again, and I hope that he had as much fun as I did. I’d hate to be the punchline of a ‘bad scene’ story, after all.

So what is your ‘bad scene’ story? What went wrong, and, more importantly, what (if anything) could you have done to have prevented it? Was it funny or scary or surreal or….?

I think it’ll be interesting for others to see that they’re not the only ones who’ve been working on a spanko learning curve, and that it’s okay to admit that it takes a while to figure it all out.

(**Please have sense enough to not use the actual person’s name when telling your bad scene story – we’re not trying to build a database, just get it out of our systems.**)

 

Here’s one of mine (there haven’t been many) and it’s a short one:

 

A few years ago (I’d just begun traveling in earnest), in *insert city here*, I’d made plans to meet and spank a gentleman for the first time. We’d agreed upon a pretty generic get-to-know-you spanking, and he’d not given any indication that he was anything other than perfectly lovely, so when I met a somewhat youngish (30s), well-dressed smiling guy I thought, “This should be fun.”

I was so. very. wrong.

It was not fun. Not for me, and not for him.

Immediately, he was consternated by the lack of mirrors in the room in which we were playing. There were two; they were both quite large; they were mounted to opposite walls, reflecting the whole damn room. This was not enough reflection for this fella, clearly, and so he asked whether I had “more mirrors”.

Under most circumstances, the answer would be a confused “no”, but this time I happened to be in a professional, many-roomed playspace – the room right next door had a pedestal mirror! – so there actually WERE more mirrors. So a confused “yes” later, we had a third mirror…which he spent approximately eleven minutes (I may be exaggerating a bit) positioning *just so*.

Yes, I was beginning to get a little irritated, but figured, hell, to each his own.

So we, finally, started the spanking.

I invited him across my lap to begin the spanking over his pants, then slid them down to his knees and continued over his briefs, using just the palms of my hands. He was flinching quite a bit, so as I wiggled his briefs down I said something along the lines of, “You’re doing just fine…it’ll hurt a little more now, but just take deep breaths.”

After a couple minutes of more flinching on his part, I thought maybe he could use a little break and massaged his buns for a minute before beginning again, saying, “Okay, let’s try this again. Harder now. Relax.”

Before I could land a single swat, he sprang up from my lap, placed his hands on his hips, and said, “This isn’t working. It’s like being spanked by a cheerleader.”

Nonplussed, I invited him to dress and showed him the way out. I did not offer an apology. Honestly, I still can’t see what’s wrong with being spanked by a cheerleader (isn’t there a helluva fantasy in there someplace?!). Now, I get what the guy was trying to convey: he wanted to be Domme-d – treated, handled, and spoken-to roughly; not positively reinforced or shown tenderness or empathy. He wanted his ass whipped by a mean lady who didn’t give a flip about him.

I still offer no apology. That’s not who I am. But I will admit that that ‘insult’ still comes to mind when I think of bad scenes…and not just because I didn’t get what I wanted, but because he didn’t either. Probably would’ve helped had he made his wants and wishes clear, but not everyone’s able to verbalize that, are they?

Anyway, and here’s the great part of this story: When I saw my awesome friend Mona, also a pro-domme, and told her the story, she said, “Ohmygod, The Mirror Guy! I know him! EVERYBODY knows him!!”

We’ve ALL been there.

 

–  Dana

Posted on

Not TOTALLY unrelated to spanking, but close.

 

You know how it feels when you’re pretty sure that you haven’t done something right, but you can’t be totally certain until it’s too late?

dana kane bakes
Gluten Free (very nearly done properly) Banana Bread

 

The batter for this new banana bread recipe looked great; it smelled wonderful while baking; it even looked absolutely perfect when pulled from the oven.

And I didn’t drop this one, either. So I had high hopes.

Except that, while cooling, the center dropped. And dropped. And dropped some more. The obvious problem being that I attempted to do something very silly – bake a really thick, towering loaf of gluten free dessert bread. Alas, the constraints of wheat-free gastronomics..  Basically, next time I’ll have to make two or three ‘baby loaves’ of this stuff instead of one gigantic one. It was yummy, though..

Live, bake, and learn.

 

Also, this:

dana kane donates
Don’t be silly. Of course they expect you to take them.

 

If you have the occasion to stay in a hotel sometime throughout the year – TAKE THE SOAP! Yes, take the damn soap. You (and the next person and the next and the next) pay for that little bar of soap every time you pay for a night in any room – all those little ‘amenities’ are in the price – and most of us don’t actually use the stuff. But why just leave it sitting there? Take it home, put it in a box, and when the box is full take it to your local shelter or mission. They’re always desperate for toiletries and it won’t cost you a dime.

Don’t want to go to the trouble of collecting and delivering them? Bring ’em to me…I’ll put them in my box.

 

Finally, and this is the semi-spanking-related part:

Does the stuff that’s totally unrelated to spanking dilute your interest in this blog? Do my gf recipes and pet photos and other off-topic posts add or detract from the rest? I know we’re all here for spanking and don’t want to drag you too far off-course if you’re not interested.

Let me know your thoughts? (In the comment box below please.)

 

– Dana

Posted on

Switching it Up Survey Results

 

spanking survey

 

spanking survey

 

And below, unedited, your answers to the ‘Who Would You…’ questions :

 

If you’re a bottom, and just had to switch with someone, who would you choose to spank?

If you’re a top, and just had to switch with someone, who would you choose have spank you?

Michaela McGowen

Dana Kane

Natalie Portman

Katy Perry

vanessa marcil

Julianne Moore

joan collins

Jamie Gunns

Dana Kane

Susanah reid

Rachel Rilet

James deen

James deen

Megan Fox

Judy Garland

Margaret Thatcher

Lindsey Lohan

Gena Davis

Dane Kane,please love

Susan Sarandon

MADONNA

Ms Dana Kane

Sarah Palin

megan mullally

Halle Berry

Barbara Streisand

Kaity Tong

nice but bratty people

George W Bush

Richard Gere

madonna

Jennifer Love Hewitt or Christy Canyon

Christy Canyon and/or Audree Jaymes

Dana Kane

Dana Kane

Charlize Theron

Dana Kane

Bella swan

No one I can think of right now

ONLY those who ENJOY!

ONLY those who ENJOY

Co-workers

Female management

Goldie Hawn

Sigourney Weaver

Dana Delaney

Dana Delaney

Sarah Michelle Gellar

Don’t know

yes

hard

susan sarandon

susan sarandon

Angelina Joulie

Angelina Joulie

Troy Aikman … Have you seen the size of those hands?!?!? Wooohooooooooo!!!

Miley Cyrus

heidi Klum

S/O

Dita

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

Michelle Bachmann or Sarah Pailin

ellen page

celebrities

n/a

jennifer aniston

jennifer aniston

subs

Tops

tom hardy

brad pitt

Spouse

you or Sarah Gregory

Dana Kane

swim suit model

Eminen

Angelina Jolie

Angelina Jolie

Jessica Alba

Elizibeth Montgomery

JoAnne Jameson

Dana Kane

wife

female

Sarah Palin, the Kardashian broads.

Jennifer Aniston

dana kane

jay-lo

dana kane

jay-lo

brittany spears

Dana Kane

Megyn Kelly

Kitty

Samantha Woodley

You

Catherine Zeta Jonex

celebrities

Allison Miller

Allison Miller

Bettie Page

Honor Blackman (and nothin’ wrong with older! :)

Donnakane

Donnakane

kate upton

rihanna

a fit woman

An attractive woman

in general a blonde

in general a redhead

katy perry

katy perry

carrie underwood

carrie underwood

Jane Seymore

women who cuts my hair

Dana Kane

polititians

Dana Kane

Kate Upton

Dana Kane

Kate Beckinsale

Diane Keaton

Jane Seymore

coworkers

Rachel McAdams

Sarah Palin

A Lady who needs done unto her as I need done unto me.

Just my spanker

Clare Fonda

Shanelle

Someone I trust who could coach me.

shania twain

dana kane

Goldie Hawn

Charlise Theron

Julia louis dreyfuss

Demi Moore

Dana Kane

n/a

Someone tough so I knew I was not going to genuinely hurt them (or more specific?)

Avril Lavigne

Avril Lavigne

my best friend

anyone willing

dana

dana

penny from big bang

penny from big bang

Felicity Kendell

Diana Rigg

Scarlett Johansson

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise

Jennifer lopez

Jennifer lopez

Olivia Newton John

Jane Mansfield

Dana

Dana

Sandra Bollock

Miss Jennifer

Hmm you ms Dana Kane

Sarah Michelle Gella

Marilyn Monroe

Ronda rousey

kami robertson

kami robertson

my domme.

My old babysitter

Gerard Butler

Secretary, cheerleader

Teacher, Boss, Riding Mistress

dana kane

dana kane

Celebrities

Dana. kane

Leonardo DiCaprio

Matt Smith

jennifer lawrence

Erica Scott, but she doesn’t bottom to women. This is one of the few times I’ll say booo to not having a penis.

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Old TV stuff you probably don’t care about (TUS)

 

Readers,

A short while ago, Erica wrote a blog post about a hilarious Johnny Carson routine from more than a few years ago…and apparently it got a cool reception. Probably because she wasn’t talking about Rhyming-Name-girl or Justice Beaver or one of those other pop celebrity thingy people – he was only one of the funniest guys on television at the time.

In celebration of Erica’s beloved-Carson-post-fail, I thought I’d add some of my own television nostalgia to the mix. Here’s something that you likely never saw and could probably live without seeing now, but which still makes me laugh every time I watch it: