During a recent spanking I asked for a verbal acknowledgment of the current level of discomort that my bottom was experiencing – a ‘check-in’, so to speak. Unable to properly vocalize this, my spankee was at a bit of a loss. In a follow-up communication I received an excellent question.
The question was something like: “With no prior experience to build on, how do I determine the difference between, say, a 5 and a 6? What do YOU consider a 5 or 6, and, how do I figure that out?” (Let me interject that the inquirer’s language was much more succinct…)
My reply: ‘In studying tolerance and ‘rating’, I’ve found that everyone has a different set of factors in determining their 1-10 scale. As we communicate and (both) learn your tolerance and needs, you will come to develop your own system. It is my job to interpret your scale, not the other way around. As your experiences increase, you’ll have more data to decide these nuances.’
I am curious now – how do all of you determine your tolerance? What factors are considered? Strictly pyhsical discomfort, psychological/emotional state, verbal interference, environment? (I understand that the use of a 1-10 scale cannot be interpreted literally, but is a technique that I use occasionally to determine the general comfort/discomfort level of a playmate if it is not immediately apparent.)
Also, do you other spanking tops ever employ a base 10 scale for determining pain, tolerance, or discomfort? If so, how do you relate to the determinations made by your bottoms?
I am interested in your thoughts on this subject…please reply via the comment box below so that other readers may also benefit from your wisdom.
– Dana
| Hospitals and other Medical providers use a pain scale like this one. |
I am submissive male and have visited my mistress regularly for over 10 years. When I first met her she asked me what my limits were and I found it very difficult to explain. During our first session she gradually increased the severity of my punishment and when I felt I had reached my limit she went just a little further. At that time my limits were what I would now consider a moderate punishment with canes and straps. Since then my mistress has increased the number of strokes considerably as well as introducing other forms of domination such as strap-ons and electro-play. My mistress always takes her time over my punishment and I have found that this enables me to take a punishment that would have been beyond my wildest imaginings when I first ventured into subservience. Whilst of course everyone has their limits, if you trust your mistress as I do, then I think any bottom might discover that allowing their mistress to decide what they can or can’t endure greatly enhances their submissive experience.
One of my Tops uses a base 10 system to gage my pain level. For me, I assess the level based on the pain alone. Most use body language or just check in verbally during the spanking. Striking one spot with hard fast strokes may push me to an 8 in that spot, but with a short break I may be ready to continue. Tops are very careful not to push the pain limit until they know my tolerance.
My use of the word tolerance is based on physical discomfort. Although many other factors such as environment and state of mind may enhance or detract from the intensity of one’s overall experience during a spanking, in my view ouch is ouch.
Having had plenty of experience with both sides of a spanking, I have not employed a base 10 scale as a spanker.
From the first spanking I ever recieved as an adult, the woman spanking inquired as to my level of physical duress using the ol’ “traffic light scale”: Green, Yellow Red.
In my opinion, the three colors of the traffic signal have immediate univeral meaning and can help a spankee provide a more instinctive response than the base 10 scale.
As a spankee I can attest to the difficulty of formulating complex thoughts during a proper hairbrush spanking. ;)
Jeffotk
Hello Mistress
Well a few months back I was spanked by a man at a monthly spanking party here in the SFV. He only used his hand on my bare bottom but he increased the level as he went alone and we talked as the spanking proceeded. Soon the spanking was stinging very much and I was having to breath deeply to stay in control of myself. Then as the spanks really were hurting, he asked me a question and I was unable to answer because tears were just coming to my eyes and I found I couldn’t get the words out because I was crying. He knew he had reached my punishment point and soon the spanking was over.
When my wife punishes me she watches how I react and how much I cry and carry on to determine when my punishment should end. She will push me way past where I want her to stop but it is a punishment spanking after all and if I wasn’t a bad boy I wouldn’t get punished, right?
I have to be emotionally invested in a spanking before the physical pain of the spanking really affects me. If I have not emotionally connected with the spanking then I am able to mentally block the physical pain out. When I am emotionally connected to the spanking I start thinking about what I have done to earn the punishment which makes me more aware of the actual physical pain. It is when I am able to connect the physical pain of the spanking with the emotional aspect of the spanking that I am really affected by the physical pain. A good scolding before and during the spanking really helps sets the mood for me to connect the emotional and the physical and is key for me to really engage in the entire spanking.
I agree with Kevin scolding always gets me into the moment. I have been spanked without any scolding and it just doesn’t get to me. Of course a nice long playful sex spanking needs a different kind of “scolding” playful scolding. Don’t you think an erotic spanking needs the spanker to get into your head as much as when you get punished?
I can take a pretty good spanking, but I don’t like to abuse my body. I don’t mind leaving with a red backside, but I just don’t think that bruising is a very good thing and it’s not necessary. I don’t do canes and shy away from wooden implements other than a few smacks of “Mom’s hairbrush” just because it’s so “Mom.” I make this clear to my spanker, and expect cooperation. In BDSM circles that would probably be called “topping from the bottom, but for me, it’s just part of “consensual.”
For sure, one man’s 10 is another’s light tap. One spanker I’ve visited a few times, until she gets to know you, will do a little “calibration” before getting down to business. She’ll give a few bare-hand smacks and say “that’s a three” then a few more, “that’s a seven” and I can relate that to my own scale and tell her “six should bve about right” and then we go. If we’re doing role playing, it’s kind of hard to work that in, so we’re likely to get an average intensity established before we actually start the real session.
I never cared for the “traffic light” system once the spanking gets into gear, but much prefer that my spanker pace herself based on my automatic reactions and skin color. I’m not a screamer, so it’s kind of difficult to judge me by what I say. If it gets really out of hand and I say “GODDAMIT! STOP!” she’d better not decide that I need more punishment for saying a bad word. ;) I’ve never been spanked to tears (Note: This is NOT a challenge!) and I don’t want to be. I’m there for fun, not real punishment.
A safety valve that I learned from one of my spankers is to grab her ankle when it’s time to back off. It’s convenient when over the knee, and it’s a cue that doesn’t really break the flow of the session.
I don’t have much need for verbosity during the spanking. Some role play talk to set the scene and make it clear why I’m being spanked, and after that, there’s no need for the “I’m going to give you fifty with the belt” kind of prompting, and I hate to count – it’s distracting.
It’s great when all the planets line up, but as long as the “no bruising” is honred and I don’t get bored, it’s a good spanking time.
Thank you all for your insights. I believe that sharing information, opinions, and common interests is the way to a better and stronger community.
– Dana