Readers,
Below is an email, excerpted, I received from one of my playmates. New to the spanking ‘thing’, we all have a lot to learn, but I wanted to share this email for a couple specific reasons.
Not only does my somewhat-new friend now understand the enormous emotional/psychological impact of spanking, but there’s also been a revelation which I, myself, have never before had. Apparently, I’m lucky because I get to, in many cases immediately, take out my frustrations on loved ones when I see them taking part in dangerous or self-harming behaviors. Most folks don’t have the luxury of yanking someone across their lap for a good hard spanking when it’s obviously deserved…
for this I am grateful.
And also for every one of my cool, smart (and smartass), amazing friends and playmates – you all rock!
For the rest of the Newbies out there, why don’t some of you tried-and-true spankos share some of your first-year revelations in the comment box below?
– Dana
Here’s the original email:
Dear Dana-
As I sit here, with a ridiculously and well deserved sore bottom, I can’t help but to reflect back on our time together last night and throughout the year.
Being new to the “spanko” world has been exhilarating, painful (bc in the beginning, and even now, I found myself in trouble ALL of the time!) and most of all, surprisingly nurturing and loving.
You kind of caught me off guard as I didn’t expect to find a person like you and didn’t even know enough about the spanking world to know that “loving and nurturing” people even existed in the “spanko” world. One tends to read about all the horror stories of their tops and not the other way around. And with that being said, I stand in gratitude that our paths have crossed. I’m blessed that I was caught off guard because I tend to be a tad bit closed off but I’m working on that piece within myself.
Which brings me to the point you so painfully made on my bottom last night-
I totally get it now as to why you had to discipline me in the way you did last night. When you TRULY care for someone, you don’t want them to put themselves in harms way and I realize now, how much I was doing that and most importantly how much you care for me.
Our relationship is completely different than any relationship I’ve ever had, for several reasons but the main reason is because I have given you permission to “correct” behaviors that you see as harmful and, most importantly, I trust you and I know that whatever discipline you give to me is done with love and compassion and is for my own good. And for both of our own good!
You should count yourself lucky that you get to “spank” the people you care about if they are putting themselves in harms way etc. As for me, it isn’t possible to spank such people …(it’s not my dharma) so, all I get is frustrated, let down and riddled with anxiety when people are careless with their lives.
So basically, what I’m trying to say is that last night was like a mirror reflecting back on me. I could see how frustrating it must be for you to care for people who don’t care for themselves AND, I saw that piece within myself. There are tons of people I care about that don’t care about themselves. And it breaks my heart. Reflecting back to you, I don’t want to be that person to YOU. Because I do care about myself. Your time, energy and love is not wasted on me. I’ve just never slowed down long enough or no one has been able to catch me to point these blind spots out to me. Or perhaps both?
I wish I could say that I’m going to be absolutely perfect from here on out but we both know that ain’t gonna happen! But what I can say and I am committed to doing, is taking much better care of myself than I currently am. And when I slip up, I’m sure you will be there with a firm hand to put me back on the straight and narrow. Ouch!!
This was very understandable and interesting to read his analysis as I can relate some and hope to also “see the light”!!!
We can all relate some, Deanna. Ultimately, we’re all very much alike.
Good for you, Dana! :)
It seems the author found a perfect match for his/her needs to get addressed.
I think it help when a person knows his or her own needs, wants, desires, etc. When looking for a spanking partner that helps open communication early in the search process. If someone’s style, or personality doesn’t seem to mesh with your own don’t be afraid to continue searching or get too impatient with the search and settle for just ANYONE to partner with…
My actions are more inclined to be like…NEXT!!!!! or THANKS but NO thanks when we’re not clicking.
There are plenty of skilled tops/bottoms accessible. The more exposed people are to the spanking world the more options open up.
Wise words, Alexis. I can’t agree more that having ‘any old play partner’ rather than the right one is just a bad idea. Sometimes, and for a whole host of reasons, personalities just don’t mesh, and it’s rarely anyone’s fault.
Yep- definitely important to find the right person to connect with, have fun, and also be stern when necessary. Trust is essential.
That email represents exactly the kind of compliment that can’t be judged by the words themselves. It’s the emotion conveyed. A tremendous compliment as e
well as instructive in the depth of the connection that can be made when someone places and another accepts that level of trust.
Well said, KM. I’m terribly complimented at my friend’s trust..the connection is real.
1) A spanking/caning in which i can ask for breaks and receive them can be very emotionally satisfying and challenging at the same time;
2) Some dommes lack passion about their work and being good at it, at least, in terms of inflicting pain via caning;
3) Having evil implements from cane-iac makes some sessions worse or better . . .
4) Now, my idea of a warm-up is a batch of strokes till I ask for a break, and continue till I have had 3 or 4 breaks . . . then things are worse . . .
5) I began this by wondering if this would be good for me spiritually. I still don’t know the answer to that question.
5a) I have not won the lottery yet, though I do buy a few tickets after some canings, cause spanking is reputed to contribute to good luck;
5b) A few minutes before my sixth caning, I was driving to the appointment or sitting in the car and I prayed and asked if this was a helpful thing. I drove home on the freeway and a guy flashed his lights at me from behind a few times. At home I checked my tail-lights and both were out. The next morning I changed the tail-lights. The next evening, on the way home, in some darkness, a police car was behind me and did not stop me, which I thought was quite nice. By getting caned that Sunday evening, I got to avoid explaining to the officer the next evening why I was driving with no working tail-lights . . .
5c) My life is better in some ways, but I don’t know what relationship, if any, there is betwen that and the canings.
5d) Whereas before, I would have considered this realm to be the realm of the crazies, I now get to laugh about some things and I have read and written some funny stories and seen some funny canings and canings that made me wonder.
In case it is helpful to others who may be pondering getting caned . . .
Here are 2 areas of difference in my life compared to 2 years ago.
1) I have a membership in the local gym and walk more than an hour every day;
2) I may be more creative than before, resulting in my having 3 newer hobbies (separate from getting caned) that give my life some greater joy or meaning from a human perspective.
But I cannot say “This caning” had “this result.”
It’s rare that connections are crystal clear, david, but we know when they’re there.
Well I am not exactly new at this but this year has been an interesting one. I am in my first D/s relationship and have probably received more spankings than I really needed(or not). Along with being corrected, punished and just spanked for the hell of it we have played in some other areas in the bdsm realm. I have a great deal of trust in her and and we actually have some great fun sometimes. I do not remember too many weeks were I did not have bruises on some part of my body. I have a high pain tolerance and well Kat can be quite the little sadist and we have grown together this last year. She is the first women in my life I have had to answer to and well I am getting use to it. I am far from perfect and she is there to remind me of that. What started out as just correction for bad behavior has grown into other areas of my life, making sure I go to the doctors, get certain things done that I need to do.
I may have had 7 or 8 toys at the beginning, now it is over 20 and still growing. I make some of them and have become a regular at Caneiac. Stay away from the Curse of Dana, the wicked sister and their version of the Sjambok. Kat ordered a flogger made of chain from somewhere (told you she was a sadist). Both of us have found stuff at Savers or Goodwill, it is funny once you start down this road you look at everything for it’s spankability.
There have been a couple of times when she made me cry, part of it was the severity of the punishment, part was the way she made me feel for disappointing her. Hard to explain, I am 48 and should not get this worked up but she has done it. There are times when I was shaking afterward, all the bad goes away the next day when I look in the mirror and see the reminders that she was there. The best or worst is she is really into flogging and back whipping. When I wake up in the morning and my back is sore, I get a smile across my face but it still hurts like hell.
She has another year before she moves back home, not sure what I will do then. I do not think I will find another one like her. Guess we will see, one thing is I am hooked for life now. I will not get into another relationship were someone thinks I am abnormal or weird because I like to get spanked.
Rocco,
Thanks so much for sharing your journey with us all. I’m sure that newbies and old timers alike still enjoy a good Spanko File..ha!
Dana,
I’m not a first timer either, but I have been away from the spanko scene for five years now, so I feel like a newbie. I found myself scared and intimidated again as I sought out a professional disciplinarian. Fortunately, I came across your website first, and I made my first contact with you. Though we haven’t met in person just yet, I know I made the right choice in choosing you as my disciplinarian. I can relate to the author of the email by because I do understand putting oneself in harm’s way. As we have exchanged several emails now, you know the extent of my issue of putting myself in harms way, ma’am. I know it’s a matter of time when it will be my turn to go over your knee for a well-deserved spanking. I know I am in good hands even now, and I trust you because you are caring and nurturing.
Anna,
I’m always grateful for the trust and friendship of my playmates – thank you for both.