Many thanks to Annika for continuing the story of Amy. In this chapter, Amy goes home..
– Dana
*****
Back in Denmark
If you think my aunt tried to break me, so she could be in 100% control, by spanking me, you are mistaken. She never had any intentions in that direction. She knew exactly how to balance the thin line there was between encouraging me to discover myself my own needs and desires and then guiding me when I went too far and instead of becoming stronger chose a path that would lead in the other direction. Of course I was chocked in the beginning after receiving the first spanking and also very confused, like some of you might know. I had a lot of mixed feelings and thought I was weird because I somehow wanted her and didn’t want her to spank me. Back then I thought that the immense feeling of security, affection and love were feelings I only could feel after I had received a spanking. I hungered for those feelings, so yes you might think that the spankings instead of pushing me in the right directions should have led me in the wrong. I was thankful towards my aunt, after all she made me feel things I never thought I could feel, so I didn’t want to disappoint her or risk to be sent back to Denmark. The truth is she was one of the first human beings who had been totally honest with me, who trusted me to have enough spirit to grow stronger, who didn’t think less of me even though I made mistakes. She always dealt with it straight away, and then we could move on. It was liberating to live with her and in that environment I could develop into an independent individual.
The life with my aunt was a journey where I went from being an unfocused, confused and lost girl to become quite sure of what I wanted with my life, who I wanted to spend it with where my own limits were and how to defend them. I learned that trust is a vital thing, that being perfect isn’t a possibility, but we can do our best and if we do mistakes it’s better to be honest then try hide. It’s not always easy though. And I didn’t understand all of this from the beginning. It took some years to get there.
One major push in the right direction, if you ask me, happened a summer where my aunt had decided we should take a trip to Denmark. She thought it would be good for me and my mom to spend some time together.
My aunt knew about the problems I had before moving to USA, but had never seen the interactions between me and my mom. I didn’t want to go to Denmark. I was afraid to face my mom again. I was afraid to become the old Amy and that I would lose my aunt. So I had all my guards up.
My mom was very happy to see us. When she said, she had missed me I couldn’t say anything in return. I just responded with an “mmh” and smiled polite at her. I could feel my aunt watching me, but avoided to look at her. We drove home to the place I grew up. It hadn’t changed at all even my room looked the same. Same posters on the wall……I pulled one poster down……a poster with Blade (the movie) on it…..still had some problems with that song….Even my room was telling a story about a girl out of control. Old notes from friends describing me as the queen of the night, I had kept all notes from boys who wanted to know if I’d like to date them. I found my old box in which I had kept capsules from beer bottles….very mature….and at the bottom of this box was a picture of me. I didn’t remember to have put it there maybe I was drunk the day that happened. I wasn’t happy on the picture and I got sad by looking at myself. I left my room and stood for some time leaning up against my door with closed eyes. My aunt had a habit to move very quietly, so when I opened my eyes she was standing leaning up against the opposite wall. “Are you okay?”…I wanted to throw myself into her arms, but at that point I was building up the walls around me, so I just replied “Yes I’m fine” and started to walk away. I hated to push her away like that, but I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted to leave the house visit some friends and forget everything about the pain. I even missed my cousin at that point, at least he would just try to get me to laugh….or get me into trouble…
I went downstairs to the living room where my mom was. She smiled at me and said “I haven’t changed anything in your room, I thought you would like it that way”…..gee thanks a lot….”it’s fine mom, is it okay if I visit some friends?”….
It wasn’t okay, I could see on her expression, that she would like me to stay but instead she said “oh… of course you must have missed them and you are young and staying with two old ladies is probably not on your wish list”….at that point I already felt like screaming at her, why the hell didn’t she just tell me no, when that was what she really felt, why didn’t she just say “Amy I can understand that you want to see your friends, but tonight you are staying here with us so we can talk. I really want to know how you’ve been and your friends can wait until tomorrow” I didn’t scream at her I just replied “thanks, and it might be late”
I went to get my jacket and shoes. I was almost done getting dressed when my aunt suddenly had an opinion (not so unexpected). “Where do you think you are going??”…”Ehm…outside?!”….She looked at me the way she looks, when I’m getting close to a line I shouldn’t cross. And here the dilemma started for me. Because who was in charge now? My heart didn’t doubt that my aunt was the one I listened too, but what could she do now we were staying at my mom’s house and my mom should be the natural authority. So I responded to my aunt “my mom said it was okay, I’m just visiting some friends” and again I felt the urge just to jump into her arms and cry. After a few seconds she nodded and said “well okay then”.
I didn’t visit any of my friends. Instead I visited different places that used to have some kind of meaning to me back then. The playground, soccer field at the local club, an old tree I used to climb when I was hiding from the outside world, and the beach where I had spent many hours with friends partying. How could my mom turn out so different from my aunt? Why was she so weak?
I returned late. Before entering the house I did wonder if my aunt was waiting up for me, and wanted me to face some consequences, but they were both asleep. I went to my room and started to throw everything out. I didn’t want my aunt to see all of this. I was embarrassed about how I used to be and couldn’t relate to that part anymore. It was nearly morning when I was done and finally could find some peace in that room to get some sleep.
It was my mom who woke me up. She just wanted to make sure I was alright and ask me if she should make me some coffee or breakfast or anything. “I’ll be downstairs in a minute or so”…”Amy maybe we could go for a walk in the woods today. The weather is really good and back then when you were little we loved to do that …remember?” “Yes mom I remember”
Back then I usually didn’t walk I was more jumping from tree to tree, scaring my mom with my stunts. Walking there with the two of them I wished I still could jump from tree to tree. I took a deep breath and loved the fresh air and smell of forest. Yes I used to love our trips back then…..
My mom and aunt talked a lot and I was thankful of that, because then I wouldn’t have to say anything.
I didn’t really listen to what they were talking about until I heard my mom mention my name. She talked about all the stupid things I had done. My rage started to build up inside. Why did she have to tell her all of this, yes I was a brat, yes I was uncontrollable, I was getting into all kind of problems, I lied, stayed out longer than agreed and all in all I was just a bad kid.
“I’m sorry but I can’t do this, I have to go home” I turned and started to run as fast as I could. I could hear them both calling, but didn’t stop. I ran until I couldn’t breathe anymore. I was standing in front of my old school trying to catch my breath again. “Amy is that you?” I turned and looked into the eyes of an old flame of mine, Michael. “It is you, what are you doing here??” He hugged me and I didn’t let go of him.
“I’m visiting my mom”…..”So you are not back for good?” I couldn’t answer him because I didn’t know.
“Have you talked with any of the others??”….”No, just arrived yesterday” I had never noticed how wonderful a smile he had even though we used to be together. “You have to come to our party tonight, they will all be there, and a lot of them will love to see you again”….”well what are we waiting for?”
He was surprised that I wanted to go with him right away, but also happy.
I didn’t tell where I went, and I knew this was clearly a thing my aunt wouldn’t accept. I didn’t drink anything, I was already in deep trouble and didn’t want to add to that. My old friends respected that, well I kind of told them that I was allergic, which I had found out after I stopped drinking….they believed it…..
Michael has always been a more sensitive type, and he noticed that my mind was wondering off the most of the time. He hugged me at whispered “are you okay, you seem a bit lost” I smiled at him and responded “I’m okay, or I will be I just have to figure something out, thanks for asking” “If it is okay I think I need to go home now” he just nodded and smiled “Amy I never stopped caring about you, thought you liked to know”
I walked the long way home. Tried to imagine what would happen. Maybe they would just be sleeping after all it was past midnight…
The lights were on so I could rule out the sleeping theory. I opened the door very gently, don’t know why because I didn’t expect I would be able to sneak inside and act as if I had been home all the time. I had just taken off my jacket, when my aunt stood right in front of me. Even when she is mad she moves quietly, and she was mad.
She still managed to talk with a controlled voice “Amy I apologize that I haven’t been clear enough on what this trip was about. You live with me, that won’t change! This also means my rules still apply, the only time your mother’s rules count is when her line is crossed before mine!”
“You will receive a spanking for this behavior. A spanking you have never felt before. I am really upset with you!”….”Go to your room and those pants are going down”
I did what she said. I started to cry before the spankings. I was relieved because at least I knew I wasn’t going to live with my mom, and it was my aunt who in the end was responsible for me. I managed to get control of my crying before she entered my room.
She didn’t say anything but just sat on my bed. She looked at me and once again she didn’t need to say anything. I just moved towards her and leaned over her lap. She used one arm to ‘fixate’ my upper body the other hand started to spank my bare bottom. The tears of mine flowed silently down my cheeks and on my pillow. I didn’t make a single sound. The only sound you could hear was the constant smacking.
I couldn’t hold still and when my feet left the ground my aunt fixated them as well by using her left leg. My bottom started to become numb. I have no idea how she could distinguish between the spots that were numb and spots that weren’t. But it sure did hurt a lot and it felt as if my backside was on fire.
Her grip on me loosened. Instead she folded her hands and rested them on my bottom. I didn’t move nor did she. We didn’t say anything. After a few minutes in that position, she gently stroked my hair and at that point I broke down. I cried loudly into the pillow. She partly lifted me of her lap and partly crawled out underneath me so that my body was lying on the bed. I let all my anger and pain out, throwing fists against my pillow. My aunt sat next to my bed on the floor. She didn’t say anything, she just let me react.
I started to let go of the anger and was exhausted. I couldn’t cry anymore and started to breath normally. I turned my face in the direction of where she sat. She removed a tear from my cheek and stroked my hair.
“Why did she give up on me?” “Why weren’t I worth fighting for?”
“Amy your mother loves you to death”….”Sometimes we have to make choices that is difficult to explain and to understand”…”Sweetie I am not the one you should ask these questions”….”However I CAN tell you that you are worth fighting for”
“You will talk to your mother after we have slept, and I promise you I will stand behind you, okay?” I nodded.
“Try get some rest….and Amy….Please do never just disappear like that again, I was really afraid this time”
“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t take it anymore” She stayed by my side until I was sleeping.
As I woke up that morning I literally jumped out of the bed because of the pain I felt as I turned from lying on my stomach to my back. “Awww…..” I moaned. I got dressed and went downstairs. My mom looked really worried and my aunt looked relaxed as always. I grabbed a cup of coffee still standing and I had no intentions to sit down.
I started “Mom I didn’t mean to scare you, I was just really mad yesterday” “I don’t understand why you didn’t stop me if you really thought I was so bad, why did you just give up on me???”
“Is that what you think I did? Give up on you??” “Amy I am not as strong as you are, I knew that my insecurity sooner or later would drag you down with me. I couldn’t create the space you needed to become all the things I knew you could be”….she looked down….”I wouldn’t be able to look at nor live with myself if I knew I had destroyed you”….she looked at me again then said “Amy I love you, I’m proud of you, and I hope you with time will understand, why I chose the way I did”
I didn’t know what to say, I couldn’t think straight at that moment, so I asked if it was okay for me to go outside. I needed some fresh air, and I would return with an answer. Both of them nodded.
I took a long walk, and I realized that my mom wasn’t that weak after all. It took a lot of strength and courage to let go of me and to accept that she wasn’t enough. She wanted me to have a future and she couldn’t support me as long as I lived with her. So she saved me just as much as my aunt did.
As I walked I didn’t really pay any attention to my surroundings.
“Hey beauty….did you fix your problem???”
“Hi Michael what are you doing up there??….”Well right now I’m looking at you” He jumped down from the old tree, smiled at me….”Are you okay??”….”Yes I am, never felt better….”…..”Come sit with me”….”Ehm…I think I prefer to stand…”…”My aunt wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of me when I got home yesterday”
He looked surprised and intrigued……”When we dated I sometimes thought about spanking you” he started to laugh.
“Why didn’t you??”….
He stood up and studied my face with his hand, gently touching my nose, my cheek, my neck and my lips. He whispered in my ear “Amy I would never hurt you, I will always take of you and love you, I never stopped, but if you misbehave I won’t hesitate to punish you…..remember that when you return to USA” he smiled at me. My heart was beating fast and I felt a tickling sensation running through my body.
“Well my aunt has some rules about sleepovers you would have to sleep in your own room, and believe me when I tell you she won’t hesitate to spank you too if you misbehave”……
Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
It is hard to believe it possibly could, but this excellent story just keeps on going from strength to strength! And what a major piece of erotic spanking literature it is turning out to be! Very well done, Annika – you are a star!
Thanks to you too, Mistress Kane, for introducing this wonderfully gifted writer to us.
With good wishes and respects as always,
hedgehog
I really enjoyed this, especially the psychology behind the story.
Any more chapters?