Couples’ Sessions

 

Most readers would probably be surprised at the number of couples I see in my travels. I think there’s an assumption that all professional disciplinarian’s playmates are men, which couldn’t be farther from the truth, as I have a whole bunch of female playmates, as well. But we’re going to talk about couples today, specifically couples who’re trying to work out their DD dynamics.

Yes, many of the couples with whom I play are bb’s (both bottoms), and in a few the female partner is the spankee, but in the great majority of cases the male partner is the (hopeful) spankee and his lady is his spanker.

Occasionally, my presence is simply a little added spice in what is already a regular and cohesive spanking regimen. Most of the time, though, I’m there to act as either an instructor/cheerleader for the possibly reluctant or less-than-confident spanker, or as the person who doesn’t have emotional connectedness to the bad boy in question and can therefore go much further in disciplining him than his loving spouse may feel comfortable doing herself. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of translating the spanko/partner’s language into something to which the non-spanko half of the couple can relate. And always – always – there is humor, because sometimes we just have to laugh at ourselves.

The most common email request I receive from couples goes something like this (usually, but not always, first contact comes from the spanko/male partner):

Hello Ms. Kane,

I’m 48 and my wife is 46. I’m a spanko and she’s not, but she does spank me sometimes. We’d both like her to enjoy it more so that it’ll happen more often, and we are hoping that you can help.

Thanks,

Dick and Jane

 

I LOVE getting these emails for a number of reasons. First, it’s nice to know that somewhere out there someone is getting spanked for something! Realistically, it’s even nicer to know that there are partners out there who are willing to indulge their mate’s peccadilloes – not out of obligation but out of love and an attempt to better understand. These women are almost never ‘real live spankos’, but many of them make great efforts to be present and knowledgeable in regard to their love’s fetish…not everyone’s that cool or dedicated. Also, I truly do believe the adage ‘the couple that plays together, stays together’, and it really doesn’t matter HOW you play, so long as you do. 

My first advice to these couples is usually, ‘Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen.’ We can talk stuff to death without ever actually getting around to doing it, can’t we? There’s also the simple fact that the world will get in the way of our fun every chance it gets, so scheduling is important.

Scheduling fun, you say? 

Hell yes.

Things don’t have to be spontaneous to be fun, you just can’t hang your expectations on those odds. So couples, plan that spanking! Every Tuesday at 9pm, or Sunday mornings without fail. Before long, you’ll be in a regular routine that both of you look forward to equally, and nobody’s blaming anybody else for the lack of spanking going on.

Then it’s just a matter of Practice Makes Perfect – not even the most hardcore spanking fetishists come out of the box with perfecto spanking skills, and a non-spanko partner will need the chance to build confidence with intensity, technique, and implement usage, just like anyone else would. The difference is, she’s not the one thinking about spanking when she goes to sleep every night, so the natural fetishist drive isn’t there – that means learning the right techniques may take longer, or may be more difficult. The worst thing a spanko partner can do in this situation is criticize – and the last thing that the non-spanko spanker can do is apologize. Confidence is critical, and that’s one of the main things we work on in couples sessions. Whether she feels it or not, it should be projected…kind of a ‘fake it til you make it’ psychology, but it works. Before you know it, that projected confidence is so practiced that it comes naturally – then it belongs to her, and your butt is toast.

And isn’t that all most of us really want in life…a toasty butt?

–  Dana