Readers,
Another nice entry from Angel, who will be receiving this punishment…today.
*****
It’s possible the VBB now has some competition in the “naughtiness” department and I am hoping his very nice wife (both of whom wished me well regarding my injury) will allow him to sympathize with my angst and provide me with some advice on how to deal with this anxiety. And Dana, of course, who is ultimately in charge of comment approval.
Anyway, I am currently in a predicament that was recently, sort of, within my control. But now I’ve been completely stripped of any management of this situation because my Mistress has become indirectly involved and last night She threatened to call Dana – although She insists it wasn’t a threat. Kevin and I think differently.
We were at the studio and I was in too much pain and too exhausted to travel. We both missed our Mistress terribly and when She called to check on us, we put Her on speakerphone. We were having a great time for about an hour. She made me forget how tired and horrible I was feeling. I was supposed to go back to Her apartment but I couldn’t make it. So, I was very sad. It was really nice that She kept Her little slaves company during their sleepover. She had us both in hysterics and everything was great for a while.
However, towards the end of the night – I, naturally, made some sort of comment that She deemed inappropriate – even though I was joking. I swear on everything dear to me, I was totally joking. We were talking about Dana and I (please make note of this – JOKINGLY) told my Mistress that Ms. Dana couldn’t do anything to me or Kevin because she’s not our Mistress. Kevin got a little chuckle out of it – mostly because he knew that was ridiculous and I wasn’t at all serious, but our Mistress did not see the humor. I’m afraid this might be turning into a Ms. Mona Rogers-ish relationship for me and Kevin.
Mistress Mona is second in command and now Ms. Dana has her own powers, as well. This could be good or bad. This means she could play with Kevin and I if we are good and she is in the mood (and really, has this woman ever NOT been in the mood to spank somebody for some reason or another???) or she can punish us if we are bad and she doesn’t have to request specific permission. It’s pretty clear she’s been “preapproved” since her last visit to NY. Perhaps that’s why DN got upset, because I already know this. I wasn’t joking about a Mistress or Dominant who hasn’t been granted any authority. Whatever the case, She was mildly offended.
I, umm, don’t think I’m allowed to joke anymore until I get my attitude under control. Immediately following my little “funny” is when DN said She was strongly considering calling Dana directly. I suppose the intent of this would be so that there would be no uncertainly on Dana’s part regarding her level of interaction with us. Ms. Dana is extremely respectful as a Top and highly protocol oriented – so I could see where she might be hesitant to punish one of us (if such a situation were to arise) if she didn’t have distinct permission to do so.
It sounded like DN wanted to make it clear to Dana personally that she has the authority to discipline us when we are in her presence. Maybe she was thinking Kevin and I would try some kind of trickery and try to keep this information from Dana However, neither of us would do that because DN would consider that lying by omission – and that is very frowned upon by our Mistress. I’m sure Dana doesn’t think it’s too great, either. Kevin hasn’t been spanked for this yet. But I couldn’t sit down for a very long time after She tricked me into confessing something that I didn’t directly lie about; I just wasn’t exactly forthcoming. Apparently, not telling IS a lie.
So, yes, I already told Dana that DN has extended Her permission for play/discipline/punishment and of course anything work related. I hope DN doesn’t think I lied. But Kevin and I were both frozen in fear at the thought that She might call Dana, anyway. The room went completely silent and Kevin and I looked at each other for a brief second, our faces contorting into expressions of distress before we both began pleading with Her not to. Kevin is not in trouble with Dana, but now he officially knows he can be, and I saw the blood drain from his face. At one point DN asked us why we were so quiet and reminded us “no one had died” and there was no need to be so somber. Except there kind of is.
Okay, okay – what the hell am I getting at already, you all must be wondering. Where’s the spanking? Well, it’s coming. Literally. Sunday, the 13th of November: somewhere between 5 and 8pm. Dana and I had a “play date,” scheduled. However, I did ask her if we could incorporate actual discipline into the session as I am truly having a problem with letting my emotions dictate my behavior – my injury was actually partially the result of an angry outburst. No one got hurt but me, don’t worry. Beyond that I really felt awful that I had upset my Mistress and was not entirely feeling deserving of a perfectly enjoyable session – especially because Dana’s visit had a little something to do with DN not wearing out my bottom the week of the transgression, which would have made it impossible for me to interact with Dana, considering how hard my Mistress was intending to spank me.
I was pretty honest with Dana, and I certainly didn’t have to twist her arm to get her agree to some true domestic discipline for real-life infractions. However, because I had suggested it myself – I assumed I’d have some liberties to adjust the session if necessary: i.e. if Dana starts spanking me too hard or in ways that I particularly dislike, mercy would be granted easily and << I >> could determine the level of discipline I didn’t want to surpass for either physical or psychological reasons.
However, this has all dramatically shifted and this is how it happened:
DN and I were resting in bed. She was so nice and loving to me despite everything – I imagine it’s because She very much knows how much I love and adore Her, despite my childish and bratty behavior at times. We spoke about a lot of things, including being “accountable.” I told Her that I was honest with Dana and requested some discipline for my poor behavior. DN was very on-board with this idea, and while I certainly didn’t think She’d have any objections – I wasn’t exactly expecting it to go much further than that. I was wrong.
“What is Dana going to do to you for acting like this?” DN asked me.
I suddenly felt afraid and honestly told her I was completely clueless. I have no idea what Dana is going to do to me. What I do know is that not only did DN tell me I was to let Dana know she had her full consent to actually PUNISH me (yes She used the bad scary word), but that also I was to give Dana a list outlining the specific ways I dislike being spanked. This goes without saying (although I’m pretty sure DN actually did say it) that she wants Dana to know to best way punish me if this is something she wants to take on during our scene – and now that she has the necessary go-ahead; I can’t really see her declining. This is very bad. While I completely trust Dana, I’m having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I really have no control now. I felt this the moment Dana turned her suggestion that I send her the list (after an entire paragraph rambling and whining about it) into a pretty clear directive: “Angel. Send me the list. Now please.” I guess that settled it, although I won’t lie and say I wasn’t curious to know what she would have done if I had “forgot” to send it or just told her “No. I don’t want to.” I don’t really think she gets mad, but that would probably qualify as an #introuble. (Sorry – twitter withdrawal. DN punished me from twitter and this is the only way I can get my fix) So, Dana has the list. But I’m mad that she made me send it to her. I’m mad that my Mistress got involved and now I have no control over the situation. I’m mad that I can’t change my mind. Yes, I am mad.
I am also utterly conflicted. There’s an extremely genuine part of me that cries out to be punished and repent and receive the imparted lesson with a willing spirit and heart, and of course I could use the therapeutic effects that occur from a punishment both during and after the experience. I also know that my Mistress would appreciate it and that maybe it would afford me a little extra forgiveness and possibly getting twitter back by accepting to be “accountable”. And if the spanking is aversive enough to help me control my behavior – it’s not something I should resist for the sake of my health, sanity and relationships.
However, as much as I hate to admit this – there is a rebellious part of me that wants nothing to do with it. The spirit of rebellion grew more “spirited” once my Mistress told me to tell Dana she could punish me for my overflowing inability to control my emotions and attitude – if that is something she feels comfortable doing. And the rebellion secretly skyrocketed after I had to send Dana the “list.” I don’t think any more honesty can hurt me at this point.
So I am really having very contradictory attitudes towards this experience. I am excited about seeing Dana, very excited. And I am more than intrigued to know what it might be like to actually be punished by her in a serious way for behaviors that actually need to be punished because they are dramatically affecting my life. But I could totally live with that curiosity going unfulfilled as I’m also somewhat terrified because I know Dana knows exactly what she is doing – which won’t be good for me in the moment, but will be once it’s over. It’s really the “moment” I am worried about. I am afraid she will utilize the list and I am even more afraid that I might have a poor reaction to this. I’m sure she can handle it, but I might not be able to handle it if I don’t get what I want.
However, I have a strong feeling one way or another it will end with me in remorseful tears after ultimately being spanked into submission and repentance. Obviously, we’ll keep you posted.
Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
Good luck Angel! I have a feeling you’re going to need it.
~ olivia
Even though we did not read Angel’s post until after she had received her punishment, my wonderful wife thought it would still be a good idea for me to post a comment. I can certainly appreciate her anxiety especially as I still bare the cane marks from my Punishment Day that took place almost three weeks ago. I think after my last serious disciplinary session with Ms. Kane I would be happy to let Angel take the lead in being the naughtiest person. Although after yesterday I am sure she is seriously reconsidering if she truly wants that role. My advice to anyone who is facing a serious disciplinary session with Ms. Kane is to never get yourself in that position in the first place. However, if you do find yourself in that unfortunate position here is my advice. Be very respectful and submissive as Ms. Kane takes all her disciplinary sessions very seriously. She will not tolerate any type of kidding around or taunting as I learned after having to write 200 sentences for what I thought was just a cute little comment I wrote in an e-mail. (I would advise not taunting Ms. Kane at anytime as I have now been informed that my latest cute comment that I emailed her has earned me a session with her new rubber loop during our upcoming visit.) Be prepared for some very soul searching questions and be willing to be honest with Ms. Kane and yourself. I think the worse part of any disciplinary session with Ms. Kane is having to look her in the eyes and reveal to her the details of your misbehavior. I would rather face her blasted little whippy fiberglass cane (which I hate more than anything) than having to look her in the eyes to confess my misdeeds. Lastly I would say is don’t fight the inevitable; denial, blaming, bargaining, pleading, hoping, wishing, defiance or rebelliousness won’t change the fact that sooner or later you will find yourself facing a very determined and skillful disciplinarian with a well stock arsenal of implements who is very confident in her role as a disciplinarian. Trust that Ms. Kane has your best interest at heart and even though the punishment may be harsh know that she only provides what is necessary and needed to help keep us in line and behaving as we should. While the punishment may be harsh and painful just remember that it is what every true submissive spanko desires, to be brought into line by a powerful and caring disciplinarian who truly cares about us and wants only the best for us. Do not spend too much time thinking about the upcoming session, as it will only drive you crazy. Prepare yourself emotionally and physically for the punishment that is forthcoming. When the time comes, submit and yield yourself to her capable hands and give yourself over to the experiences knowing that at the end you will be a better person for enduring the much needed and I am sure well earned punishment.
I hope your post-punishment healing goes well; let’s see if we can go at least six months before we find ourselves facing Ms. Kane for another disciplinary session.
The (well behaved) VBB