Readers,
What does it mean when we say that we have something ‘in common’? For example: spanking.
Many of us have spanking in common, right?
But how many of our preferences are the same? Maybe you prefer to be spanked, while I prefer giving spankings. Perhaps you have a preference for leather implements while the next person has a preference for wood.
So you and I both enjoy roleplay, let’s say. We have that in common. But you enjoy strict, domineering characters while I tend to prefer a firm yet loving demeanor.
Many who enjoy spanking play consider it an outright sexual turn-on, while just as many others (I believe) are not interested in incorporating sexual aspects into spanking.
A specific example: I love giving ‘good girl’ spankings. I also enjoy spanking just for the sake of spanking. My girl Angel, however, doesn’t quite compute the good girl spanking – her preference is for maintenance or disciplinary-type spankings. While we do, indeed, find many places to come together – as Angel receives a LOT of spankings – our specific tastes do not necessarily align in every area.
The point is that they don’t have to. My specific interests in the intricacies of the fetish do not have to be yours, and vice-versa (viva la difference and all that, doncha know?). There will still likely be many things on which we do agree, and we can chalk up those instances where we don’t to personal tastes. Whether within personal relationships or the broader spanking enthusiast community (as it were), a little open-mindedness goes a very, very long way.
I will not go so far as to suggest a group hug, but will say that I am always inspired when I see spankos coming together and sharing ideas with an open mind, for the common good of the community.
– Dana
PS. Speaking of ‘common good’ – the Boardwalk Badness Weekend party is quickly approaching, and I am about as ready as a first-timer can be! I’ll be seeing lots of friends and meeting even more online ‘friends’ for the first time, as well as participating in a couple of fun activities. It’s going to be a WHOLE lot of excitement and I’ll be sure to share some of the details after.
A minority within a minority…within a (you get the idea)
Visit my premium video, DVD, and products website at DanaKaneSpanks.com.
Although I feel I’ve known for nearly all of my life I prefer the role as a spankee, I did experiment into switch spanking both another woman and a few men. That was fun for me, but I don’t think I’ll make a habit of it. I think topping athleticism is MUCH harder to pull off than when I’m in position as a bottom.
I enjoy getting spanked from role plays based on my real live misdeeds from past and present And I love humorous scenarios thrown into the mix.
I’ll never get spanked for serious harmful habits like texting while driving, drug abuse, etc since I don’t perform those actions.
To be honest the term “good girl” spanking doesn’t register with me. Because I am always “guilty” of SOME type of misdeed. :)
Just waking and leaving my house for the day I’m bound to get into SOME type of mischief! LOL
Good time wished for you at BBW. Maybe you can team up with Dana Specht for a video tag team on some “poor” innocent bottom (s).
I mostly like being spanked. It can relieve tension built up because things or going wrong or it can relieve stress brought about because of guilt. I have a fetish for lingerie but a good spanking trumps that and the lingerie is not necessary. I think in my case it goes back to my childhood and spankings made things right. It is also a sexual turn on. I have no clue why.
I really liked this post. Our personal preferences are what make us unique.
I am one who loves to receive a good spanking, it’s almost like a need.
Perhaps I should clarify, as clearly this is complicated. I do enjoy spankings that are not strictly discipline or punishment. Sometimes I like taking pain for the sake of taking pain, for the emotional release in and of itself without some preceding wrongdoing necessary to appreciate it. Of course, there is also always the very rewarding reason of pleasing the Top who might just be in a spanking mood. There’s always a strong appeal in being a “good girl” in that way. BUT – this is the sticking point that I think I have not done such a great job communicating: Although I can enjoy spanking in almost any kind of scenario from fun, erotic, roleplay to serious discipline – I absolute do not believe in spankings as a reward for appropriate behavior. If I were able to accept a spanking for the sole purpose of rewarding positive conduct, it would very much confuse the way I identify with it as discipline and punishment. If I really wanted to, I suppose I could separate the two – but that would entail a lot of mental work on my part (and on yours, Dana). I think the point of contention between us might be in the definition of a “good girl” spanking. I would love to be a good girl and accept it because you wish to inflict it, which would in turn make me feel wanted and useful and it’s doubtful I would not in every way enjoy it – but if you wished to spank me to reward me for being a good girl, I would be much disheartened. I’m really trying to make sense here but am a little delirious. I’ve been meaning to write a blog about this – hopefully I will better express myself when not trying to explain this on the spur of the moment.
I’m really organized, well-tailored, and a stickler for details, so people are always surprised when I say I’m a bottom. For awhile, I would actually be offended when people said that because submitting was something I felt strongly about. It was such a huge part of my persona and it seemed as if people didn’t recognize that.
Anyways, after so many years I started to like giving spankings as well. I always loved watching a bottom jump, but this was so much better because it was right there on my lap! I love hearing shaky gasps of breaths or embarrassed whimpers. There is nothing better than a spankee who reacts to a spanking.
When I’m being spanked, I really like to be scolded and have a severe spanking. But when I spank, well, I’m not really a leader. Maybe that’s the wrong word for it, but I’m not comfortable scolding someone for misbehavior, so if I’m spanking someone it leans more towards roleplay. I can say the appropriate things that will make that bottom wiggle on my lap, but it’s not meant to correct a certain behavior.
For a while, I never understood how someone could be a switch. But then I became one. And I can honestly say I enjoy both roles equally.
I, too, like this post. Spankos need a safe haven to share their opinions and ideas with other spankos. :)
This is a great post and a great topic. For me the nodding of my head in total agreement comes from many years of living, learning from bad experiences as well as good ones and a willingness to evolve and grow.
When you are in a relationship with anyone, be it a friendship, romance, D/s…yada, yada, yada….there is no way that you will be in agreement or in-sink with everything. For me and I am sure many others, this is what makes the relationship fun or exciting. Being able to share or receive stories from the others life affords us the opportunity to focus on someone else for a while, get excited for them support them…yada, yada, yada…
As a spanking bottom I have specific needs. The Tops to whom I am willing to submit have specific needs. Usually they mesh other times not so much.And here is the point of my way past my bedtime ramblings. When you are in a relationship you sometimes need to do stuff you don’t necessarily like or want to do.For some people that means going to see your mother in law. For me sometimes it means getting a spanking or beat down that I would not necessarily have chosen.But I know it makes the other person(s) happy. It gives them pleasure.And for some of us that is the way we have chosen to submit within that relationship. The relationships I have today are successful and long term because after many years of failed relationships I have learned not to be selfish, to have genuine concern for the others needs and wants, and to just give a little.
There are countless people who really need to see your post. It is a good message and one that needs to be taken to heart. Have you considered posting it on fet?
Timely post.
We all have preferences which should be respected not attacked. I have been dismayed by some of the offensive and judgmental “One True Way” opinions I encounter on the web…yanno, like the ubiquitous ‘that’s not a “real” spanking’ derision, or the other side of the fence… if you like <>, then you are into “beatings” not “spankings”, it’s only a spanking if given with “love”, blah blah blah.
Maybe it is the anonymity of the Internet that emboldens people to act like the jerks they are not in real life, but I call Bullshit.
I could say plenty about behaviors I don’t like but why? As long as I am not required to interact with those behaviors… so what.