Angel has written about the week we’ve spent together, the videos we’ve worked on, and some of her real-life issues which we’ve tackled together..
Spanking Therapy with Ms. Dana Kane
This is my second trip to Las Vegas, as many of you will already know, to film with Dana. At her suggestion, I agreed that between fun/role-play spankings, we could incorporate “spanking therapy” into our film agenda.
I have never actually officially engaged in “sessions” where the focal point was talk therapy followed by an aversive consequence, such as spanking. And I would not recommend it with just anyone. Having known Dana for some time now, interacting with her in person and via e-mails, I have come to realize she is a reliable source for structure and guidance. She is trustworthy, intelligent, intuitive and she politely but firmly calls you on your bullsh*t – which an extremely uncomfortable position to be in when it’s quite evident any manipulation tactics will be thwarted during the verbal interaction, and then she will spank you for it. But I was rather curious about the experience and so it didn’t take me very long to agree to it.
In order to make the experience as real as possible for both of us, Dana and I talked about some real-life issues that I need help resolving. There were some general things she already knew, some things that I told her and others she could have just guessed. We decided to touch upon those things when I came here, and I suggested some more specific accountability exercises to see how I would fare knowing I would have to face her and report my progress. For a month she gave me a list of things to do, and things not to do. I was not able to consistently follow through, probably because the event was so far away in my mind that I wasn’t really digesting the consequences.
Thankfully, her influence was enough to keep me at least half-way on track, which is often difficult for me. The idea of her as a boundary enforcer limited my maladaptive behaviors and helped me to keep up with positive ones. Naturally, this is not a perfect science and I fell short.
Ironically a lot of this happened the last couple of days before the trip. Not on purpose. Those two days before the trip was all I really needed to show her the significance of the behaviors we agreed to address: excessive spending, road rage, procrastination and excuse-making/manipulation.
Fearing I would miss something for the trip, I ended up spending a lot of money at the last minute because I didn’t take enough time to organize, I had an episode of road rage on my trip to the drugstore to acquire some of these things (sorry Dana, I failed to mention that), I procrastinated with every single thing which left me in a mad rush before the flight. I over-packed, was charged for the extra checked bag, I left my laptop charger home and had to buy one for nearly $100, I had to spend most of the plane ride hand writing the things I was supposed to print out for her because I forgot to print them. Then when I arrived, I made many excuses – for which there has been a consistently growing penalty which awaits me soon, among other things.
As for what has already taken place, we have completed the first couple of sessions. The first therapy session had me quite on edge. I was extremely nervous and there was little I could do to justify my behavior, and I had to mostly stoically sit there and listen to her challenge and defeat nearly everything I tried to say. She was entirely right, which I was hoping would not be the case. But I’m glad it was. She forced me to recognize things I refused to see and gently enforced consequences without making me feel guilty or “bad.”
I definitely gained some insight and perspective and now there is video evidence so that I have no recourse if I try to make excuses for reoccurring behaviors. We talked about the spending both on and off camera, quite a bit, and she made some points I absolutely cannot contest. We are still discussing it, and I did receive a 5 minute hand-spanking over her lap.
It wasn’t severe and it’s difficult to make a spanko dislike spanking. It was definitely hard, and pride-injuring. There were most definitely aspects of it that were uncomfortable, as it’s quite a humbling experience – but I never felt unsafe or uncared for. The more uncomfortable it became at certain points, the more I knew she did care – and that’s when you have to submit and embrace that discomfort and let it influence you.
Ms. Dana Kane likes to spank people, A LOT, and she likes for them to enjoy it. So it’s probably a little difficult for her to have to administer a spanking not entirely meant to be enjoyed – especially to me, as we do have more than just a business relationship and she knows and understands my overly sensitive and paranoid nature. She skillfully (and I do believe this is a skill) created a balance for me that I greatly needed, a security – with her gentle nature and her administration of discipline without physically or emotionally harming me. It was very easy to talk to her, even on camera, and for a moment I forgot we were being filmed, that she was not actually a therapist and that I was going to get spanked.
The second “session” regarding road rage, I was even less intimidated and so comfortable with her that I was able to express myself without fear of judgment – fear of punishment/discipline, yes. But that’s what we agreed upon. Fear of judgment, not really. I was very vocal about my opinions, was allowed to contest what she said without being yelled at or severely admonished. She made the points she had to make in no uncertain terms and disciplined me for behaviors I should not engage in despite my emotional impulses to.
She spanked me with a braided strap and I got the warning I would now be accountable to her, which is necessary, because being accountable to ME is quite challenging. It was painful but she did not push beyond what she intuited I could handle physically or emotionally – and that kind of trust is imperative if someone is going to engage in this kind of a “session,” which I strongly encourage for people seeking real discipline for issues affecting them in their lives that they need help with… whether it’s to truly change the behavior or simply to relieve the guilt that consequently arises from that behavior or maybe even something so simple as to experience the feeling that someone cares. And Dana does care. She takes her disciplinary spankings quite seriously. Her spankings can be extremely fun, but if you are there for real discipline – you are going to receive it.
The next two sessions address procrastination and making excuses/manipulation. The finale – making excuses and manipulation, I anticipate will be the harshest. I’m not entirely sure but I suspect she’s been working her way up in terms of discipline, making the punishment fit the crime (so to speak) and physically preparing me over the course of a few days to be able to physically endure the last of it by conditioning my bottom with spankings that have increased in frequency and intensity. We didn’t specifically talk about it, but at least it feels as if she is taking me through stages of intensity – where the last one session, which will be administered with the birch and a bundle of willow switches will be meant to drive the point home.
Since making excuses is the root of all of my problems, because I can really rationalize anything (at least to me) – I think this one will be meant to impart a real lesson. I won’t give away all the details, but she has been preparing me for this session since the second I walked into her home. The final stage of my own participation will be to have to personally soak the rods I will be punished with. I’ve already been impacted by the first couple of sessions and am thinking about things with a different mindset.
Will it be a permanent change? Probably not quite yet. But I am in no hurry to forget these experiences, and learning from them can produce a world of good so I intend to keep them close, and I anticipate my bottom will not let me forget for a while. I am fairly confident all of the sessions will be reinforced as she “thrashes” me after talking to me (which is really the part I am dreading the most because I have no recourse, and if I get accused of making an excuse DURING the discussion on excuses – well, then I’m really in trouble).
I am a little afraid, to be honest. It’s going to be very uncomfortable for me to talk about this and I am pretty sure the birchings are going to make a strong impression because by the time it’s said and done she’s probably going to run out of twigs. Perhaps now would be a good time to take a vow of silence. I don’t trust my own self. Excuses just come flying out of my mouth and I don’t even realize what I’m saying. However, I need help with this. I need discipline, structure and guidance, someone to be accountable to and someone who can gently point out the error of my ways, and discipline me for them efficiently without judging me for them and who will not let me manipulate my own out of being punished.
Ms. Dana Kane is very good at that. She could probably be very angry with me right now, because I have behaved inappropriately on public forums – failing to realize the boundary that defines “too far,” and completely ignoring the caution sign that clearly states: “You should probably quit here. Seriously, quit here.” I’m referring here to the “Delrin punishment,” (which probably everyone reading this will know about) that I am going to receive right after the birching.
We had a talk about it earlier, and she scared the shit out of me without any single harsh world or raised voice, even. She merely explained that I was not getting out of it, no matter what and that she’d keep me up until 4:00am in the morning if she had to in order to administer it, had we happened to be running short on time.
I tried I guess, not so subtly, asking her about what to do if I need to stop. The answer is apparently nothing. When she imposes a punishment (which I have been warned about) that’s the end of it. Naturally, I have consented to lend myself to her care, and I trust her to punish me without harming me. This is not about business, or a situation in which she would find herself with a client – this is a personal issue, and in this situation (given the nature of our relationship and juxtaposing positions in the D/s dynamic) one that is solved with a spanking… in this case a monumental spanking that includes every single one of her delrin implements to be administered after a thorough spanking/whipping with birch and willow branches.
I’m not looking forward to this, but she explained to me concretely why it had to be done. She used a tone with me that wasn’t at all mean or threatening, but definitely intimidating and not one she uses very often with me. I’m pretty sure she only used it once and that landed me across her knee with cascading blows with her hairbrush that I did not wish to receive in quite that fashion.
This is more serious than that, I understand. It’s more serious than a regular punishment and I am grossly intimidated. But I have an absolutely tremendous amount of respect for Dana, as a person and as a Disciplinarian, and although this punishment is probably going to be extremely painful physically and discomforting emotionally – I, too, understand it’s necessary.
Some of us push boundaries, like children, to see what we can get away with. Sometimes we get away with a lot. Dana was pretty generous with my behavior (and that of TheVBB) before she decided (without our knowledge) that she was going to impose rather unpleasant consequences after we kind of threw ourselves across the line.
And she’s not mad. She’s not threatened as a Top (she can’t be topped from the bottom, because she’s a genuine Top) and she is able to find a certain sort of satisfaction in it. She encourages a little bratting, but we did more than a little and had our share of entertainment during the process when we were far removed from her presence. I did read (but apparently didn’t compute until now) that she was merely standing by and keeping count of the offenses, of which there are quite a few.
And her last words to me about the Delrin punishment, after her creative pre-punishment of making me remove the tags off of every single implement she is going to spank me with and then having me put them in a place where they are constantly visible to me, was something to the effect of: “I’m going to have as much fun now as you two had then.”
There was really nothing left to say after that. Soon the VBB and myself will be suffering significant blows to both our egos and our backsides – and in the way that those subs such as myself and VBB need accountability in our lives and someone with the ability to discipline us genuinely and lovingly, but sometimes necessarily harshly – I don’t think either one of us could love her any more for it.
Angel
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