I spank a lotta gals.
A lot, a lot.
I don’t know why this still surprises me, but it does. Why would I, of all people, have different expectations of female spankos than males? This just goes to show that the gender mores to which we’re accustomed are hard to shrug off, even when we’re vigilant. But I’m digressing already..
Most of the women with whom I play don’t even let men spank them; it’s a line drawn for them, that even the man in their romantic life not be given dominion over their bodies. It’s a you’re-not-the-boss-of-me thing..I get it. If they’re single, they’re just not willing to compromise that kind of intimacy with a man to whom they’re not emotionally attached. It’s easier for them to relate intimately (not sexually) with another woman…I get that, too.
There’s something intensely personal about a woman giving the gift of physical submission to another person that’s quite different than men – we’ve been known throughout history as ‘the weaker sex’, and it wasn’t a woman who coined that phrase, I guarantee. So for some gals, it’s just much simpler to get what they need in that respect from another female – someone who poses no threat of romantic or sexual energy. It’s one less thing to try and figure out, and Today’s Woman leads a pretty damned complicated life as it is.
Many times, there’s a maternal quality to the interaction between me and my female playmates. This has nothing to do with age, or ageplay necessarily, but everything to do with creating and experiencing a loving, nurturing, yet structured environment, where they can let down their guard, release anxiety and guilt, and get in touch with the parts of themselves that they shelter from most of the world – the soft parts. (Get your minds out of the gutter – I’m talking about emotional soft parts…sheesh.)
The truth is, I deal much more gently in many ways with women than men, in respect to disciplinary authority. For all our toughness, we’re still built mostly of large parts of estrogen and ever-changing serotonin levels. We’re like emotional gremlins – benign until activated – and should be handled with care.
The point of it all? I used to be one of those ‘I don’t like other women’ women. That’s different now, and it’s because of all the real, genuine connections I’ve made amongst my spanko girlfriends.
I love you all, you buncha weirdos!
– Dana
It’s interesting you see a lot of women, only because after being with numerous dominatrices, almost none of them I have ever “served” had female clients – EVER (minus the uncomfortable escort paid to accompany a male client). Yet it’s really not all that curious, I suppose. When I got involved in the scene, I had no other choice but to see dominatrices. Back then, if there were such a thing as professional disciplinarians minus the whips and chains, I would have literally turned the other way at pro-Dommes.
I’m not knocking them, either. I am friends and playmates with some brilliant ones, as you well know. I’ve just come to learn that my comfortable place is with you as a personal Top and not somewhere in this often unnavigable world of hardcore slavery where expectations are insurmountable and self-appointed power sometimes doled out tyrannically.
I think professional disciplinarians, such as yourself, are helping women to feel safe and comfortable to reach out, feel empowered even. It’s really a terrifying thing to have this need to begin with, and it’s even more terrifying when you extend yourself with vulnerability to have these needs tended to. There is an inherent and HUGE risk to sharing this part of yourself with someone else, whether it is being done professionally or personally – or in your case, a perfectly concocted blend of both so that nobody ever feels like just a dollar sign. It’s obvious that you make people feel as important as they are, as important as they need and deserve to feel… and that it’s 100% authentic. That’s truly beautiful, inspiring and I know to you it comes effortlessly.
I think your thoughtful video demonstrations, your correspondences with your clients and your blog posts do A LOT to nullify what might otherwise feel threatening… especially to a woman. Your maternal nature, perception of justice, and genuine interest in your practice (spanking, to me, is an art) makes you a very comforting presence and easily approachable. To me, our interaction is always therapeutic and I imagine that is part of your allure to others. I understand it works this way for guys as well, but I think it is a little different for us gals.
I’m not knocking men either, but I could never offer myself over to a man for guidance or discipline. If I was crazy in love with my dream-guy, if I could physically craft him myself, I still can’t picture it.
You are the only Disciplinarian that I’ve ever seen or had a working and personal relationship with and although I play with Mistresses from time to time, I have absolutely zero desire to interact with any other Disciplinarian. It’s so intimate to me from that perspective; it would almost feel like “cheating.”
I don’t know if this whole Mistress/Top separation thing is all in my head, but it’s very distinct and real to me. I’d love if some of your female clients out there would be willing to share the reasons why they’ve chosen a disciplinarian and not a dominatrix. And, also, if there were no other options – if professional disciplinarians still did not exist – would they feel safe enough to see a professional dominatrix if there were literally no other way? I’m inclined to believe you’ve given many women a reason and the courage to step up from out of the shadows, but I don’t want it to seem like I’m speaking for others. Because although I can surmise, I honestly do not know.
Love,
Angel
As an aside, speaking of weirdos – I have no (honestly, I don’t) idea where this picture came from or why it is attached to this avatar thingie. I have not turned Goth, people. I swear I do not know how this happened.
Angel,
I think that the best definition for what we’re talking about is ‘friendship’ (with hitting, of course – ha!).
Rizzo and Danny were my favorite Grease characters. Sandy grew on me when she wore the skin tight ass hugging pants!
BOTH Gizmo AND Stripe are cute. Gizmo’s cuteness is VERY obvious-Stripe’s is more like Cute in that having beer goggles at 3 am scenario. But he needs Prozac before one approaches!
I’m actually very surprised you were someone who didn’t always like other women. It’s impressive you invested time to spank some and develop connections with them, too. I’m curious if you enjoyed spanking your first woman or if it took many spankings/female spankees to develop the appreciation.
I’ve enjoyed every spanking I received at least on a basic level.
Woman have been much more thrilling spanking partners for me though. They aren’t afraid to hit my ass HARD… just the way I want. Some of my closest Top friends are the sweetest mild mannered people away from the scene. But when they get ahold of their beloved paddles, straps, etc, our friendship becomes secondary to the mission at hand. My punishment spankings have been based on wretched behavior from past misdeeds of mine with a few twists added for comedy and mutual banter. Those were rare because I own my current bratty/nasty behavior and rarely feel the need to atone for it. Many times, we are joking throughout if it’s a stress relieving spanking for me. In no way does laughing diminish the increased pain sensation-it simply makes my spankings even more fun.
For some reason I always feel something’s lacking after a spanking from a guy. Either he’s attracted to me and NOT into spanking-just doing it to “make me happy”. Inevitably these were half assed smacks that left NO reminders the next day.
Other times the guy was a Dom/impersonal spanker who delivered very thorough physical results but there was no chance for me to be mouthy, feisty or reactive because he wasn’t a talker. I bet it’s tough for you to imagine me being stoic during a spanking but that’s what I gave when I felt the men didn’t care if I was enjoying myself.
Alexis,
I KNEW you’d get it. oxxo
I have had several male and female Tops/Dom(mes)/disciplinarians. The females were quite harsh for the male subs and more gentle with females (like me) althought I asked them not be be gentle with me. The male disciplinarians were/are all much harder to me. I always wondered why. I asked the females and they agreed that they were not as harsh to me as for the men (although they were definitely not soft) , but they didn’t know why they did it and they find it very difficult to treat me the same way as they treat men.
Dana, you wrote that you treat women more gently, because of the estrogen and ever changing serotonine levels of women.
I was always very curious why it is more difficult for a woman to treat women harsher than man and why it’s easy for a man to do that.
Is it because a female disciplinarian knows how it is to be a woman and a man doesn´t or is there more?
Sanne,
I’m not easy on the gals, per se, but as a woman I understand how very changeable the female ego is, and that it must be handled carefully whenever possible. The female butt, though, is a whole different thing.
Wow. Just wow! That was amazing. There is so much I want to say in response to this, but ultimately there is nothing else to add. You get it, you totally get it.
I identify as a dyke identified boy or queer. I am not trans or bisexual per say but my partners, play and otherwise have run the gambit over the past however many years I have been doing this. My deepest connections have always been with women. And while I will and do play with men on occation I will only submit to women either physically or emotionally and it because of as you so eloquently describe as “..there’s something intensely personal about a woman giving the gift of physical submission to another person that’s quite different than men” and”…and it’s because of all the real, genuine connections I’ve made amongst my spanko girlfriends.”
I am not the type of boy who is into woo woo moments but I have to say having read what I have been feeling but unable to communicate for years really makes me feel understood. And that is a kinda nice feeling.
JustAJ,
Aw, I’m happy that you enjoyed the post, and that you may have found a bit of yourself in there! Stay tuned, sugar.
> Many times, there’s a maternal quality to the interaction between me and my
> female playmates. This has nothing to do with age, or ageplay necessarily,
> but everything to do with creating and experiencing a loving, nurturing,
> yet structured environment, where they can let down their guard, release
> anxiety and guilt, and get in touch with the parts of themselves that
> they shelter from most of the world – the soft parts.
Well, maybe I’m misplaced as a man :) but this nurturing and letting the guard down and releasing anxiety and guilt, etc. sound like just what I’d want when being spanked by a female disciplinarian. And a healthy part of any spanking relationship/experience that worked like this. I know not all of Us would agree, but that’s how I feel anyway.
On the flip side (says the switch) I’d like to “get” those female qualities so that I could spank better. Working as well as I can within the genetic disadvantage :)
Do you suppose that some female disciplinarians (not Dana) can’t treat men in a non-harsh way? If so, I wonder why that softer side couldn’t be allowed to surface?
BT,
I’m a softie with boys, too, on some things, and with others can be a complete tyrant. Some boys respond well to firm directive while others may be just as emotionally tender as one can possibly imagine. These things are subjective, really.
I am a strong woman. I always thought I would have difficulty submitting to anyone for a spanking, though I’ve always craved it. I’ve been spanked by both men and women in the last year and a half, and found that it was actually easy to submit. I do have an easier time submitting to a woman though, and definitely prefer to be spanked by a woman. My female disciplinarian definitely had a maternal quality to her, and I absolutely loved our interactions, both while I was being spanked and when we were just hanging out. We had a lot of fun together, but she was strict with me when I needed her to be. I never wanted to disappoint her. I was way more mouthy with my male disciplinarian while I was being spanked, and never thought twice about it. Our relationship was completely different though. Rather than being a mentoring relationship, it was really just for fun. I always have my guard up, and certainly feel more comfortable letting that down when I’m being spanked by a woman.