‘Eleven Letters’ : Another excellent ‘What the Camera Saw’ contest entry

‘Eleven Letters’ is yet another example of the writing creativity shown in January’s story writing contest, ‘What the Camera Saw’ . This poor husband shares the rundown of his shameful video…

Enjoy!

–  Dana

The following is a work of fiction. Names have not been changed, so as to implicate the guilty. That would be me.

I’m going to show you a video and tell you a story. Let’s start with the story…

One afternoon when the kids were away, my wife called me into the bedroom. She held a wooden hairbrush. Her new cellphone, a Nokia 920, was propped up on the bedside table. She reached over and fiddled with the phone’s camera button. Want to watch the video?

00:00:02 sec
Do you know why you’re being punished?

Well, tell me.

Our house has a whiteboard. It’s the type found in meeting rooms and well-organized homes the world ever. You write on it with erasable markers.

00:00:07 sec

And…?

We have an agreement about that, don’t we?

Usually this board has little notes about the time of the next PTA meeting, a phone number or two, a grocery list and reminders about soccer practice. It’s a very ordinary board.

00:00:25 sec

You’ll see.

Pants off mister…underpants too.

Well of course, sweetie. You know that. Silly boy.

I was soon to find out just how remarkable this board when combined with a cellphone camera and a hairbrush could be.

00:00:32
Over my lap. Now!

It turned out to be eleven little letters on that whiteboard that sealed my fate, but more about that later. Back to my wife, her hairbrush and me. The first slap always hurts the most, and we’re just about there.

00:00:36
So sweetie, we’ve had this problem over and over, and we need to address it. Today, I’m going to put a stop to it. This will hurt quite a bit.
SLAP!!!!

See? There was no warm up. I’ll bet you can feel it too.

00:00:37
SLAP, SLAP
And usually, when I’d stop….
SLAP, SLAP
…I’m going to keep going.
SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP.

The first letter she wrote on the board was a “D”  and I’m ashamed to say it was a mere three days after the spanking.

00:01:18 sec
So you’re right—I am filming this with my camera phone. Want to know why?

Letters “H” through “I” came all in the space of 38 hours. I blame golf and David’s birthday party.

00:02:01
We’re going to try something with our whiteboard—you know, the one in the kitchen….
SLAP!
by the dishes…
SLAP, SLAP
…you didn’t do.
SLAP, SLAP, SLAP!!
Let’s call it an incentive program….
SLAP!!
To remind you to do your chores.
SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP!!!
Whew, this is quite the workout…. So here’s how it works: Each time you “forget” to do a chore, I put a letter on the board…
SLAP!!
…and it’s going to spell out a phrase. And when it’s done, I’m going to email the video I’m making of this spanking to five of my closest friends.

00:02:13
I’m going to blister your bottom. Actual blisters.

At this point in the spanking, I’m barely holding on, hardly able to stay on her lap, snot running out my nose, hyperventilating. It is not pretty. Back to the video:

00:04:14

00:05:01
My, your ass is red. That’s what happens to husbands who don’t do their share of the chores.

I honestly don’t think I deserved the “S”.

00:09:36
SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP!!!

The second “H” I did deserve.

00:12:49
So your punishment isn’t over.

No honey, it isn’t. Remember the camera phone? If you don’t learn from this lesson, that video is being sent out….Just think….five of my friends…and no, I won’t tell you which ones, will see you like this…

SLAP!

They’ll all see you here—red bottom, crying and squirming and promising to be good.

SLAP!

And they’ll know that you weren’t good. That you repeated your mistake, not once, but eleven whole times. Eleven whole letters—that’s a lot. I’ll tell them all, I tell them….


That
SPLAT
You
SPLAT
Broke
SPLAT
Your
SPLAT
Promise
SPLAT
To
SPLAT
Me!!!!
SPLAT!!!!

They’ll see a punished husband. A husband, who because he broke that promise, over and over, because he didn’t learn his lesson, will be getting another hard, long bare-bottomed spanking.

SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP!!!

On January 22^nd I came home to find the final letter on the board, an “S”, and an overflowing blue recycling bin set below the whiteboard.

So how does this story my wife’s video end? I’m not totally sure, but yesterday I went to pick up the kids at school. In the drop-off zone, I saw one of the moms smiling at me. I hurried home to do my chores. There is a hairbrush on my wife’s bedside table, and whiteboard in our house with ten little letters on it: D O T H E D I S H E S.