May 222015
 

 

Yep,  you read right. Quit your bitching. It’s a guaranteed way to improve both your mood and the moods of those who have to listen to you speak.

 

But hold on..

I’m not talking about the big stuff, about which we’re not only allowed but encouraged to talk : death, divorce, depression, bankruptcy, imprisonment, injury. We all get free passes on the big stuff, every time, and rightfully so.

 

However:

We are all stressed out.
We all have aches and pains.
Everyone experiences disappointment.

 

By the law of averages, the person next to you is unhappy just as frequently as you. Does that mean that they want to hear all about your daily bitchlist? Let’s answer that with another question : Do you want to hear all about theirs? (I’m guessing that the answer is ‘no’, or we’d have more television shows dedicated to folks just sitting there, complaining endlessly about mundane topics such as expired yogurt, long red lights, and the poor state of our neighbors’ lawns.

What good does it do the general consciousness to unfetter ourselves at every opportunity – splash our bile and venom on unsuspecting bystanders, loved ones and friends? Yes, ‘processing’ is healthy, and so is ‘venting’…if done in moderation, just like every other damn thing on the planet, barring love and spankings probably.

Let’s all try an exercise together, shall we? What, you have something better to do? Something to lose in the endeavor? Nope? Okay, moving on.

It’s called ‘Happy’.

I know, genius right? And I came up with it all by myself! Let’s try to be Happy.

Happy when we wake up (because we DID, in fact, wake up), happy when we shower (because we have all that hot water), happy when we drive to work (because we are lucky enough to be employed in a first world country), happy when we drive home (because we’re lucky enough to have one of those too, no matter which zipcode it’s in), and happy to lie our heads on the pillow every night (because we survived another one).

Every day – hell, every hour! – will give each and every one of us the opportunity to bitch about it or make it our bitch…which are you going to choose?

 

no-complaining

–  Dana

Mar 102015
 

 

While it’s exciting when we first discover spanking, either in our own private little minds as adolescents, or as questioning young adults with the world now at our fingertips – or maybe even a middle-agers who’ve decided to try a new approach to life in general, the whole shebang can be a little overwhelming.

Sometimes that’s a great thing, and sometimes not.

Not because spanking isn’t great, or because having interest in this type of play is wrong or weird (we’ve already established our normalcy, I think, as far as the term can be defined), but because it’s hard to tap the brakes when you Discover Spanking.

Most of the newbies who contact me are reaching out, tentatively, for the first time – to acknowledge their difference, ask questions, confirm they’re no wacko, or to ask ‘where did this come from?’ Usually, after a bit of discussion and information exchange, they’re ready to make the big leap and hop over someone’s lap ASAP. Totally understandable, given the amount of excitement and anticipation the human mind is capable of conjuring. They want to do it, now or sooner, and want to try it all at once – like one of those never-ending buffets you see at the casinos here in Sin City.

The problem with that? Well, when has overindulgence served us well? If you really tried to eat your way through that endless buffet all at one sitting, you’d darn well deserve the heart attack you’d surely experience while dragging your bloated self out of that booth.

As with everything else in life, your spanking experience should happen naturally, in moderation, and with considered aforethought.

slow-down

Think of it this way: If you’ve just discovered your interest in spanking, your next move was probably to open a whole bunch of tabs on the interweb, searching things like “spanking”, “adult discipline”, “accountability”, or even (affectionately) “spanking porn”.

You’re immediately inundated with  hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of options – websites, blogs, infographics, news stories, opinions both pro and con. It’s a helluva lot to take in, and not everything you read will be accurate and/or reassuring. So you keep looking. You find what looks like what you’re interested in, and you decide to ‘go for it’. Great!

But don’t just grab the first person you see and ask ’em for a spanking, and certainly don’t hop onto social networks and broadcast your interest/need/desire to spank or be spanked to the world right away. Look around, take your time, see how people in the community behave, interact, and (hopefully) respect one another. Choose correspondents and playmates carefully, and don’t try to get yourself spanked three days after you meet someone. Take it slow. You have PLENTY of time for great spanking experiences, but should have none whatsoever for bad ones.

The more homework you do in advance, and the more you educate and ‘enlighten’ yourself about spanking and domestic discipline, the more savvy you’ll be when it comes time to get your spank on.

Even then, don’t try to get all your spanking fantasies out at once. Again, as in life, if we do it all at once, what’s the use of continuing? Try a little hand spanking, maybe a couple implements…see how you feel in the situation first, before you go and construct a bunch of elaborate fantasy roleplays involving judicial punishments and spencer paddles making you cry real tears. It doesn’t happen that way for most of us, and it won’t likely for you either…not if you’re doing it right. (Here is where I insert the disclaimer that the above is entirely my opinion which I willingly inflict on the general public via this blog. You’re welcome to ignore it completely and knock yourself out (possibly literally) in your haste…but don’t come crying to me when it all goes apples up. I’ll just spank you for not listening.)

Read the title again; don’t rush it. It’ll happen, and when it does – wow! – will it be worth the wait.

–  Dana

 

 

Jan 272015
 

 

They say that it’s the little things that count.

And that can be true with spanking, too.

 

I don’t have to heft a huge frat paddle.

All I need is a little wooden spoon.

 

I don’t have to swing my arm back as far as it will go.

Just aim for the sit spot – that’ll keep your attention.

 

No need to tie  you down, either.

You’re going to hold still because I said so.

 

I don’t need to hit you a thousand times.

But I will make you think twice about coming here.

 

There’s no reason to make you bleed.

I’d rather make you whimper.

 

 

 

Dec 062014
 

Readers,

This isn’t really so much spanking-related as privacy-related, but since most of you would like to keep your spanking lives private, this may be advice you could use. I’m going to keep this simple for those of you with short attention spans:

 

Never send or receive ‘kinky’ email from/to your work-associated email address.

Why?

One word : LinkedIn.

Did any of you know that the above site is kind enough to send out a ‘join me on linkedin’ email to everyone on your email contacts list?

And did you know that I’ve received HUNDREDS of ‘join me on linkedin’ email invites over the past few years? From people from all different walks of life and a myriad of assorted professions, from CEO’s to carpenters to choir directors. All I’d have to do is click ‘accept’ and there you’d be, with your professional-looking linkedin profile, and little ol’ me showing up as your newest ‘contact’. Dana Kane – Professional Disciplinarian.

How many of you would really like me on your public list of business associates? Hmm……? Or how about any of the other folks you may or may not have emailed at 2am while perusing adult videos and maybe emailing someone you shouldn’t have? (I’m just saying…)

 

As much as I’d love to yell it from the rooftops that you’re all my closest and bestest spanko friends, I think it’s about time some of you pay a bit more attention to what goes where and to whom in the digital age. That is, if you care at all about keeping your secrets to yourself.

 

With love and concern for your common sense,

–  Dana

Oct 212014
 

 

The idea of discipline, whether it’s the self-inflicted kind or the kind administered by a loving friend (or total stranger..whatever floats your boat) is that one is meant to be somehow improved after said discipline has taken place. I think this is the case no matter what the ‘discipline’.

In terms of self-discipline, this may mean that you’re going to exercise more or eat more healthfully or call your old granny more than once a year – whatever it is that you feel the need to exert self-discipline in order to achieve, that’s where you focus. And, if you keep at it long enough, it’s likely that you’ll succeed. Due to this success, you earn the right to be proud of yourself (and you should exercise that muscle regularly), thereby positively reinforcing the self-discipline and awarding the achievement with a sense of self-satisfaction.

When we speak about corporal discipline, it seems to me as though the course of actions/reactions are somewhat similar: one receives a disciplinary spanking (or caning or strapping or whuppin’ or thrashing or whatever) in order to address less-than-stellar behaviors in hopes that the repeated application of this will lead to an aversion to those negative behaviors. In the same way that we exert our energies toward self-discipline, together with your disciplinarian you exert energies- physical, mental, emotional – into the process of ‘clearing the slate’…focusing on better future outcomes. Just as with self-discipline, if you (both) keep at it, you’ll likely succeed in altering those unwanted behaviors, which will make you feel better. Which will make you proud of yourself. Which will…you get the idea.

 

But.

Perfection is never the goal. Nobody should strive for perfect behavior, perfect attendance, or even perfect table manners. ALL of us need to honk the horn in traffic once in a while, and everybody needs to skip out on something they really promised to attend occasionally, and we all  – certainly – should place our elbows firmly on the table in front of our in-laws every now and again. Just to keep things from getting boring.

Don’t kick yourself in the fanny if you don’t manage to achieve every single little thing you’re working toward, all at once. Cut yourself some slack. Remember that you’re human, and change takes time, and that, no matter how much you fix,  you’ll still never be perfect. Thank goodness.

What I’d like from all my regular playmates who’re participating in discipline programs is to forego your usual AR’s this week in favor of a firm pat on the back for yourselves. Screw the stuff that didn’t go well, and give yourself an immense amount of credit for the simple fact that you’re working on it. And you’ll get there. Write and tell me how awesome you are, and mean it.

For anyone else who’s having a hard time meeting their goals, let’s agree to a short moratorium on self-loathing, guilt, and blaming ourselves. Take a week off from trying to make  yourself ‘better’ and make a list of all the things about yourself which are, in this very minute, just damn dandy. Then pin that list to your bathroom mirror and read it every morning. You probably rock much harder than you realize.

pobodys-nerfect

– Dana