This isn’t about what happens when we play, but what happens when we don’t.
Even if you are one of the Lucky Ones – those who have someone close with whom you play on a regular basis – sometimes life simply gets in the way. We can’t always be Toppy-Tip-Top and Bottomy-Spankbuns; sometimes we have to be ourselves…our boring, workaday, no-time-or-energy-for-spanking-selves.
I’ve encountered this issue when talking with couple-friends, and also simply when reading the blogs of other spankos; there are times when spanking simply will not fit into our lives. Usually, we simply allow the other things going on to crowd it out: had to get up early this morning, didn’t sleep well last night, hip kinda hurts, work was particularly gnarly, ad nauseam. Sound familiar?
It’s easy to set aside the things we most enjoy when Real Life comes knocking, demanding our attentions and energies. Giving up our pleasures reinforces to us that we’re making a Sacrifice by living our day-to-day lives, and that only when things are smooth will we ‘deserve’ to enjoy those pleasures again. In denying ourselves the things we truly enjoy, we further insure that things will not be fun in the near future. Before you know it, it’s all work and no play, and Jack has become a very dull boy.
Maybe the idea of giving or receiving a spanking sounds like the least appealing thing to you right now, because there’s just too much other crap going on and you don’t feel like it. So you wait til tomorrow. Tomorrow something’s going to happen – there’s a mystery transaction which the bank needs you to sort out in person, or the cat’s all of a sudden making a very strange noise which causes you to rush off to the vet. The point is that there will always, always, always be things which stand in direct contrast to our interest in making spanking (feel free to insert any pleasurable activity here, as it’s really all the same) a ‘regular’ part of our lives. Whether we go the extra mile in carving out intentional time for it is up to us.
Example : exercise. Nobody really likes to exercise. Not really really. Especially at first, developing a regular exercise routine can be exquisite torture – the first two weeks are hunky dory, but things usually get pretty ugly before you get past the part where you’d rather shove a stranger than get back on that damned treadmill again. But you do it anyway, because you want to live longer…and because you feel good after. Also because it will likely make your butt look better, which is an excellent added bonus for any spanko, top or bottom.
Same with spanking, right? You feel good after. It’s the Before that we need to work on. As in many areas of our lives, we often get into the groove of talking rather than doing. We talk about our want, need, and desire to play; we talk about all the things (read: excuses) which are seemingly intent upon making that desire go unmet; and, if we leave it long enough, we talk about whose fault it is that we are feeling unhappy and unfulfilled.
It is my most personal opinion that we all talk entirely too damn much.
So what if you’ve had a hectic day? We’ve ALL had a hectic day. Every adult human on this planet is met with myriad stressors on a daily basis. Using those stressors as excuses to avoid pleasure is, in a word, hooey.
It’s when our lives are most stressed that we need the most relief. If spanking play registers as relief for you, what possible good are you doing by disallowing time and energy to it’s pursuit?
Weigh in here, please. What gets in the way of your pleasure? And, if you’re able to see it from my perspective, why do you allow it? What can we do to make sure that we have the foresight to always make time for joy?