Part nine of ‘The Reformatory’, written by Annika and Lyndsy, sees the young ladies’ characters struggling with more than just physical discipline…
I had to get through a lot of spankings the next ten weeks, so I had no desire to get into any kind of other trouble. After all I had an appointment with the cane every Wednesday and then there is the usual maintenance spanking every Sunday. So basically, that was more than enough for me!
Lyndsy didn’t get spanked for covering for me that Wednesday I sneaked off to soccer, instead she got grounded for the rest of the month just like me. We had a lot of time together to chat about old experiences, and how we were learning new things in life about ourselves and others, since being sent to the Reformatory and having Ms. Kane tune in and work with us. What started out as two girls who were in a place because of nothing keeping us from being accountable, and thus needing a more direct approach to correction, became a very special and growing friendship. We had different personalities, and different issues to fight, but we could still understand each other, and what the other one meant when trying to explain situations. There was something that we each could draw from to provide strength to the other one when needed, and maybe it was because our lives growing up were different. I knew when Lyndsy was having a stressful day, and she knew when I was off too. I trusted her, and knew she would come to me when she was ready to let me in. She is usually more of a thinker, before jumping into anything, or committing to anything, which was trying on me. Not that she stressed me out, it’s just that I am very impatient, and it killed me to wait for her response sometimes. I didn’t care though, this relationship was worth waiting for, and I would wait for her no matter what. I knew that whatever we had going, was working, and it was not one sided. It was working for BOTH of us. We even realized it was getting special because she would call me baby girl, and I referred to her as my big sis. One that I never had.
After I had returned to our room, I was honest to Lyndsy when she asked for details about what happened when Ms. Kane caught me after sneaking out to the soccer game, and as I explained how she handled it, what she said, what I had to endure, I could see on her that she was intrigued by what she heard.
As usual, we were chatting during the day by texting whenever we had the chance, even though we should be focusing on our jobs. I was better at keeping my boss satisfied with keeping up to what was expected of me, but nothing extra. Lyndsy struggled a little more, and found herself on more than one occasion having to make excuses why her work was late, and then trying to cram it all in at once.
I had noticed a change in Lyndsy’s texting over a few days, and also when I was with her. She was not being as funny, or bratty and she didn’t really notice when something witty was said during dinner. She would smile politely, but her thoughts were somewhere else. I wasn’t the only one to notice this change. I could see that Ms. Kane was studying her too, and sometimes I felt the strongest urge to step in front of Lyndsy like some kind of body guard, so that Ms. Kane wouldn’t study her so intensely. But then I also remembered that Ms. Kane asked me to trust her, so I LET her continue to observe Lyndsy. Well, even if I tried to block Lyndsy, Ms. Kane would have commanded me to sit down, so my letting her is really just a play on words.
I knew Lyndsy enough not to push her too much, but I also like to dissect things, and knew she didn’t mind being asked questions sometimes, because she had a very hard time to say what was bothering her on her own. She was not used to expressing herself during any intense situation, but she could talk about it freely way after the fact, when it was in the past, and she got herself through it. I reassured her I was there for her no matter what, and wanted her to know she could trust me and share with me even when she was in a bad frame of mind.
A few more days passed by with her being in this state. In fact she even seemed to act out in frustration, which was a side I hadn’t seen before. She didn’t seem frustrated with me, it seemed more like she was directing it towards Ms. Kane. Not directly, but if you knew Lyndsy, you would pick up on the subtleties in the things she was saying. Ms. Kane didn’t respond to it, but definitely noticed it too.
I got home early from work Thursday. To be honest, I couldn’t sit one minute longer on any chair because I the previous day I wasn’t thinking before making a sliding tackle during the soccer game. Doing something like that just after you have been spanked by a cane is a very stupid thing to do. So instead of continuing to torture myself I chose to call it a day, and just wanted to get home to nurture my sore skin.
When I entered the house I could hear Ms. Kane talking on the phone, and overheard her saying, “Oh yes Ms. Hanson, I’m terribly sorry about that. Lyndsy hasn’t been well at all for the last couple of days, but I’m pretty sure she will be back on track tomorrow……Yes she has had something ailing her…..Its probably my mistake, I thought she called in to let you know herself, but I should have followed up on it. She has definitely not been herself…..Thank you so much. I will tell her.” And then she hung up.
Lyndsy unwell? Hmmm, I guess that could be taken in more than one way. I looked at my phone and now I understood why it kept telling me that Lyndsy was in a different place than usual. Her work didn’t always require her to be at the same place every day. She could do her job from anywhere really, as long there was some kind of internet connection, and contact with her boss, then she would be fine. The past few days I did notice the change, but didn’t think that much about it, not until I heard how Ms. Kane covered for her. I stood there watching my phone and the location the last message came from, when I was interrupted by a, “Hi Amy! You are home early today?”
“Hi Ms. Kane, yeah. I didn’t have that much to do, and just wanted to get back home.”
“Honey, could I talk with you for a moment in my office?” she beckoned me over with her hand.
I followed her into her office and was feeling a little tense. I was nervous in case she had a reason to spank me, but also nervous about her questioning me about Lyndsy and her whereabouts.
“Maybe you just heard me talking with Lyndsy’s employer?” She looked at me awaiting an answer. I felt a bit embarrassed that I actually did listen to her phone call, but then again I wasn’t really to blame, I just happened to return to the house at that exact time.
“Ummm, yes. I heard a little bit.” I said hesitatingly.
“You and I both know that Lyndsy isn’t physically sick. Do you know where she is and what she has been up to?” Ms. Kane had this special look she puts on, when she studies you to define whether you tell the truth or not, just like an interrogating cop, and when someone looks at me like that I tend to look guilty even though I’m innocent. So I had to think fast and put a lot of effort into staying cool and choose words that would hide some details, but also be as truthful as possible.
“I know we aren’t allowed to at work, but we have been chatting, um, texting with each other this past week or so.” I had to give her a little confession of something, to indicate I was being honest to her. “But I never knew she wasn’t checking in at work, and I don’t know where she has been.”
“Hmmm, you two share everything with each other. Are you sure she hasn’t told you where she is?” She asked with doubt. “I’m positive ma’am. She hasn’t told me once where she is.”
I wasn’t lying. Lyndsy never told me. I figured out by myself where she was by looking at her phone locator on my cell. “I’m sorry Ms. Kane, but I can’t help you with this. You will have to locate her on your phone yourself I suppose.” The moment I said that, I covered my mouth, and wanted to take all the words back. As if she was just going to accept that Lyndsy had been away from work these few days. Of course she was going to find a way to get ahold of her!!! But I don’t think she thought of doing that. I think it dawned on her when she noticed my sudden reaction by covering my mouth. She just smiled and said, “Don’t you worry. I will see where her phone is right now, and odds are it will be with her.”
An hour went by before Lyndsy arrived home. I wanted to warn her, but Ms. Kane had kept my phone just until she had talked with Lyndsy. But no worries, I have other ways. I had made a little note and attached it to a tennis ball, and when I saw her car pull up, I whistled at her from our bathroom window and threw the ball down to her. At least she would be warned and have a few seconds to prepare.
When Lyndsy came in, I heard Ms. Kane immediately asked to see her in her office, and then surprisingly a very sharp, “I really don’t have the time right now!” Oh boy, that reply was going to hurt!!
“Lyndsy!! I will not ask you this again!! Get your butt in that office right now!” You could definitely tell that Ms. Kane was not fooling around.
The door was closed with a bit of a slam, and I sneaked halfway down the stairs and sat on a step. I don’t know why exactly, because I didn’t want to listen in on what was going on in there. I just had a gut feeling that I needed to be close.
I was surprised though, because I couldn’t really hear that much. I guess Ms. Kane managed to stay calm as always. However when Lyndsy started to talk, I was able to hear a lot better. Like I said, I had never seen or heard Lyndsy angry or frustrated ever, but she was definitely out of her comfort zone and was not tolerating it very well.
“Why is whether I go to work or not any of your business? I’m a grown woman, and my work is not part of our reformatory corrections. I have a boss for that. Besides, why do you even care?” she snapped at Ms. Kane. Again I couldn’t decipher what was said in return.
“You don’t really know anything about me. And why should you? We come here, we leave, someone else comes, and everyone moves on. You just get a whole lot of stories to tell full of reasons you got to spank us!!”
Oh my, Lyndsy was not holding anything back. I heard her speak again, but it was harder to hear. She wasn’t as intense as she continued, “I don’t need you, or anyone really. I can take care of myself, my needs, my problems, and everyone else’s on top of it. I’ve done it forever, and I’m still here and still going strong!” There was a pause, but it was only because I couldn’t hear what Ms. Kane was saying.
Then out came Lyndsy a little clearer again, “What? I don’t need to think about anything!! You need to think about where your boundaries stop. Whatever. You have no clue. Just go ahead, do what you need to do to make yourself feel better, that’s what you really want isn’t it, to spank us? But I don’t have time right now.”
I couldn’t believe the things she said to her and I started to be afraid of what was happening, but then again I knew what she was doing, and prayed that Ms. Kane knew it too.
The door to her office opened slightly and I could hear Ms. Kane walking closer and her voice say, “Lyndsy don’t you dare walk away from me. We are definitely not done here yet. Close that door and sit yourself down on that couch!”
“Pick a number lady. You can have your turn when I’m ready.” Lyndsy replied with such sass that I shivered for her. Then I heard the sound of a hand slapping. My best guess would be Lyndsy’ cheek or mouth. And for the first time I also heard Lyndsy fighting her frustration, and telling Ms. Kane to let go of her.
“I won’t let you go right now Lyndsy, and don’t you ever dare to accuse me for not caring about you!” I heard Lyndsy’ groaning through clenched teeth, and could tell she was struggling. “I have never doubted that you couldn’t take care of yourself, you are a very capable girl. More capable of what most women could only wish they could do. And I bet even more than some men could do. But fact is, you take care of everyone else and your needs get pushed to the back all the time. That has to stop right now!!”
I heard Lyndsy struggling, and could hear her fist or foot hitting the floor or wall or something in frustration. “It is destroying you Lyndsy, and your health. You can not keep playing this game of being strong and not needing anyone. Your coping skills to deal with that kind of pressure only prove to me that you are in dire need of someone stepping in to be there for you once!” I heard more struggling and flailing about. “You can keep pushing me Lyndsy, all you want, but it will not make me back down. Do you understand that? Do you get that?”
Lyndsy was less defiant in her voice, but I could hear her frustration when she again asked Ms. Kane to let go of her.
She must have let go then, because Lyndsy backed out of her office still looking at Ms. Kane I assumed. But before heading to the front door she hollered back, “Don’t worry about me, I got it all under control!”
She never looked back, so I have no idea if she knew I was there on the stairs. I pretty much knew where she would go though, but needed my phone to get the exact location. I couldn’t waste time, so I had to go to Ms. Kane’s office. As I got to the half opened door, she was still sitting there on the floor, I guess where she had been holding Lyndsy.
“Umm, I’m sorry ma’am, but I really need my phone.” I looked very apologetic at her. I could see in her expression that this had been a definite challenge. She did great though, but I didn’t really feel in the proper position to tell her that.
“Of course Amy, it’s over there.” She pointed at her desk as she stood up. I went over, took it, and looked at the coordinates, and I was right, she was going back to that place.
“Amy?” I looked at Ms. Kane, ”Yes?”
“Can you pleeeease get her back to me. I am seriously not finished with this girl. I think we are actually just getting started.” I nodded at her and replied “I will ma’am. I’m not done with her either. I want to see her through this.”
I jumped into my car and drove off to the area I knew Lyndsy was heading. She had told me about this place, but it was a long time ago. She loved the solitude sometimes, she loved the nature and to view life from a distance.
I pulled up and seen her car, then seen her about a hundred feet ahead, just sitting on the edge of a hill that had a steep downward slope. It was just starting to get dusk, so I was glad I seen her when I did. There was a tree line to our left with trees big enough you could almost drive through them. To our right, about 200 feet away was a very windy steep road. She was looking out towards the mountains across the other side of the valley, which was really breathtaking as you could see the lights of homes almost all the way up. She looked so vulnerable the way she sat there with her knees curled up to her chest, and arms embracing them. I went over to her. I didn’t say anything, just kneeled behind her and wrapped my arms around her. We sat there for some time until she decided to speak, “I messed it all up now Amy. I blew it with Ms. Kane. I reacted in a very disrespectful manner. She doesn’t need that kind of stuff to deal with. How can she do anything else but hate me now.”
“Lyndsy what are you talking about, she doesn’t hate you!” I had to reassure her immediately.
“I was so nasty to her. Oh man. You should have heard some of the stuff I said!”
“Wellllll, I kind of did. I mean you didn’t really say the things with your normal calm voice.” I climbed around her, so I was facing her.
“Why did I act like that, and say those things to her?? I mean, she hasn’t been anything but fair and considerate of me, and I was such a loser tonight taking it out on her.”
“Honey, isn’t it obvious? You finally let some feelings out, even if it was frustration, because you really do put trust in her, and her ability to handle it. Have you ever done that before with anyone?” I asked.
“No. If anything, I would leave before anyone would dare get within reach. And I would take off on my motorbike like a maniac, or hit the highway in my car with the tunes cranked to deal with it on my own.” This was something I had not learned about her yet.
“Lyndsy, you have been bottling everything up and stuffing everything away for such a long time! No wonder you are messed up for reacting in front of someone. And really, you weren’t doing anything other than testing her, even if you were not aware of it in the moment.” Lyndsy looked at me with a lot of sadness, frustration and confusion. “But I don’t even know HOW to trust people, or count on anyone, so how can I achieve that with someone who is pretty much a stranger to me too, especially with something as big as that!” I reached for her hands and held them tight within mine.
“Because you DO put trust in people Lyndsy, by giving them the benefit of the doubt, and hoping that they are worthy. You have just had too many who couldn’t hold that trust long enough for you to help you step beyond. Or the ones you put trust or hope in, were incapable of being there for you, when it really mattered, so you would recede back again and be independent of anyone. But I need you to know Lyndsy, I can and will be there for you, no matter what, and you will grow so that you don’t have to run or use bad coping habits. And you know what? I don’t think Ms. Kane is about to give up on you either!”
“Yeah, right. After that kind of behavior, I’m sure my things will be on the steps outside when I go back tonight!” More doubts from this poor girl.
“Lyndsy! Weren’t you there in the room today??? Didn’t you hear her say she WON’T back down?!”
“Ahhh, she has to say something like that. She is paid to take care of us Amy, and discipline us, to help keep us out of worse situations.”
“NO she doesn’t have to just say things like that!! Do you even realize she actually covered for you earlier today??? Would someone do that if they didn’t care?”
“She did??” Lyndsy asked with surprise. ”Yes! Big time! Your boss called and she smoothed it over to protect you.”
“Oh man, Amy. I really am afraid.” She looked way down on the lights that trickled their way to the valley where traffic was heavy.
“Why??? Because you know you are going to get a major spanking??” I smiled at her.
“No you spanko. I’m scared that if I let anyone really inside of here, that I will feel the pain I try to avoid so much, and I don’t know if I would be strong enough to get out of that alone. I have been fortunate not to let anyone past my walls, and it has been a protection in many ways. Also, I could risk losing that little spark of hope I have to keep trying to get over those walls, or break through them, or even chip away at them, and grow emotionally. I never got to do that you know? Ever. No one cared enough I suppose to take the time to see through my walls, even when they were as thin as paper, to see I wasn’t really happy, that it was all just a show to keep everyone else happy.”
“Lyndsy, don’t you get it? If you never let anyone in there, you will never know or understand or believe anyone is possible of caring about you and loving you for who you are!! And if you would only open your eyes and look around, there are more than enough people who care about you, and want to know you, because you are one of a kind.”
For the first time Lyndsy really did look into my eyes, and for a long time, and I had no doubt she was one of a kind. She was just so locked up tight and always worried how her words, actions or feelings affected others, before being honest to herself.
Her eyes then changed shape, and a smirk grew wide across her face, “You really think I deserve a major spanking for all that don’t you??”
I started to laugh, ”Hell yeah!!! Raising your voice to her, and walking away, literally leaving when demanded to stay. Not checking in at work!! Not letting Ms. Kane know if you were not at work during the day. Oh, and shall I remind you what happened to me the last two times she didn’t know??”
“Oh boy, now I am worried. That cane is your friend, not someone I want to meet!!”
“Well, maybe you should just TRUST Ms. Kane in knowing what to do with you, you bad girl!”
“You know what, she didn’t want to spank me, well at least not tonight…I had to think about things…BUT you know I won’t be able to sleep now if she doesn’t!!! She’s not getting off that easy…NOO I need that spanking, I have expected it since the first day I stayed away from work!”
I smiled at her, “Right! You go for it girlfriend!!” and gave her a high five. “Shall I get some icepacks ready for you??
We drove home shortly after, it had started to get cold and Ms. Kane really shouldn’t be worrying or waiting any longer for our return.
When we stepped inside, Lyndsy was the first to enter. Ms. Kane came straight towards us, and she hugged Lyndsy tight, and while holding her head against her shoulder with her left hand, she reached over with her right, and rested her hand on my cheek. I couldn’t help but smile and look down. Then she looked straight at Lyndsy and said, “You and me still have some business to take care of, wouldn’t you agree?”
Lyndsy smiled and said, ”Yes ma’am! See you in five minutes, in your office!” Ms. Kane had to smile back at her and shook her head.
The spanking Lyndsy received was quite severe. The smacking sound from downstairs didn’t stop before 20 minutes had passed. When she entered our room, I had never seen this look on Lyndsy either. She had a whole different stance about her, and maybe for the first time in her life she could relax.
She threw herself on the bed, on her stomach of course, looked over at me and said, “So baby girl, where is that icepack?”
I jumped off my bed and ran down the stairs, opened the freezer and got the icepack. When I turned around Ms. Kane was standing in the kitchen watching me. I couldn’t help but give her a shy smile. She then stretched her arm out, with her left hand folded to a level fist towards me. “Here I got something for you.”
I went over to her and reached my right hand with the palm upside to hers. She kept looking at me all the time. I of course had to look down on this little piece of paper she dropped into my hand. I didn’t have to look any further, it was the warning note I had tossed out of the window, so I just looked back at her. With I smile on her face and a head throw she let me pass. Well, just after one very precisely placed slap reminded me of my still very sore bottom after the caning and sliding tackle.
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