Anthony (pseudonym) submitted this quirky, untitled story to the ‘Story of US’ writing contest. A “conversation” between a man and his dog, it’s funny and totally imaginative. Thanks, Anthony!
– Dana
*****
“You know what a ‘non-contestant’ is, Elliot?”
Elliot’s not real talkative today. He just looks up at me with big eyes.
“It means that even if I win I can’t go to Los Angeles.”
I know what Elliot’s thinking. He’s thinking is that really a bad thing. And he’s thinking he wouldn’t get to go anyway, that he’d be stuck at home with mom.
“The winner gets a free session with Dana. That’s a big thing. I’ve never met her but believe me it’s big.”
Elliot, wise beyond his years, gets to the heart of the matter. “Is it really appropriate to address a professional disciplinarian by her first name?”
“My thinking” I respond, “is that kind of talk is a bit disrespectful. Maybe something she’d spank me hard for. Even harder than she would have spanked me anyway.”
Imagining that is a little scary. I’ve seen the free videos. She looks petite, maybe some would say inconsequential. But you wouldn’t say that while you were over her lap, because there’d be plenty of consequences there. Oh yeah.
“What would she spank you with?” Elliot’s becoming more interested. “A newspaper?”
“She probably spank me with anything I wanted. Well, maybe she’d give me some choices.” I ponder that. “But I wouldn’t want *her* making that decision.”
“Does she make men cry?”
“I wouldn’t, but I’m sure that’s happened in the past.” I look into Elliot’s inquiring brown eyes. “Crying isn’t always bad. But men respond differently. Some of the men laugh while she’s spanking them. But I think that’s like calling her ‘Dana’ instead of Ms. Kane. It would make her arm get all blurry and someone’s bottom would glow.”
I can’t explain to Elliot, but I’m sure I wouldn’t make for a good client anyway. I’d wiggle and kick my legs about and she’d order me to stop and I’d wiggle more and moan and backtalk and she’d kick me out only half-spanked. Being half-spanked by Dana would be worse than no spanking at all.
I can tell that Elliot believes me. His tail is wagging now. “What would you say to her?”
I’m sure my bravado would disappear, evaporate instantly, when I met her in person and she fixed me with those steel blue eyes. “I’d ask her if she was worthy to spank me.”
But she’s seen all that a thousand times before, and soon after felt the awkward restlessness and yearning taking place over her lap. She’s oh so slowly lowered the flimsy protection covering countless bare bottoms that deserved punishment and she’s brought that punishment down in abundance. And she’s watched that bravado disappear like smoke from a smouldering fire.
Elliot has something on his mind, but I continue. “I think she’s the real deal, Elliot. But maybe I should ask mom for that type of thing first.”
Finally I rise from the couch. “Let’s go for a walk, boy. And no fire hydrants.”
*****
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Delightfully original and very thoughtful – an excellent read.
Andy