Feb 282014

Angel’s Guardian Angel (from the Give til it Hurts fundraiser) entered this fun story for the Future Spank contest – enjoy!

– Dana

“The Spanker” (a satirical homage)
by “Guardian Angel”

He had watched the series too often to count. A Twilight Zone marathon this week. Marathon. A winner in the long run, even though it was prematurely cancelled. Relegated to the network graveyard in 1964. But reborn because all good things do not come to an end.
He was viewing the final-season episode entitled “The Brain Center at Whipple’s”. Not a classic, but prescient for the present year 2164.
The titular character Whipple owned a factory that was in its downsizing phase. Whipple was firing workers and replacing them with machines. In the end, technology led to the undoing of Whipple. Who was bitter and alone.

Like Whipple, he despised technology. He looked to his left, cursing it. The machine. Piece of crap! Two centuries after “Whipple’s” aired, technology was still the bane of his existence.
And “piece of crap” was also an idiomatic expression two centuries later. For him, an appropriate criticism of The Spanker. The inexpensive version of The Spanker that he purchased was of poor quality. And, therefore, was prone to repairs. He called the company to complain. Help was on the way. He cursed the company that manufactured The Spanker, cursed the company that sold The Spanker, cursed The Spanker and cursed The Spanker’s absent repairman.
He was impatiently biding his time until the service representative arrived. He glanced at the time indicator on his wrist for the fifth time.

Fifty-five minutes later, the highly-anticipated chime. He was in a foul mood. When he opened the front door, his eyes widened. Surprisingly, the repairperson was a female wearing a baseball-like cap with the company name emblazoned on it. She removed the cap and issued the textbook apology. But before she could introduce herself, he voiced his first complaint to her.
“Ikea sells crap!”
“Hi! Here for The Spanker. Where is it?”
He indicated to his left.
“So what’s the problem?”
“The problem is: Ikea sells crap.”
“Yeah, I hear that … often … only recently.”
She fascinated him. She had a no-nonsense quality about her, an openness, an intelligence in her eyes, beauty and wit. What the hell was she doing with a job like this? “This”, of course, was repairs.
The complaints continued.
“Ages ago, Ikea sold crap furniture that had to be assembled. Now Ikea sells crap machinery with a diagram included. Crap furniture, crap technology. Crap.”
“If The Spanker is still under warranty …”
“I purchased this piece of crap last week!” He interrupted her which is what she couldn’t tolerate. He produced the receipt and forced it into her hand.
She thought, Crap, huh. As in, I’d like to beat the crap out of you. Now, now, she reflected, the customer is always right. But I’d still like to beat the crap out of him.
“Yeah, I can see that from the receipt. As it clearly indicates.” He was aware of the sarcasm.
“So, the company will replace it, right?”
“Gotta take a look, first.”

Minutes later, she was finished with her analysis. “There’s nothing wrong with The Spanker. Just wasn’t assembled correctly.” She looked into his eyes. Make me an offer. Nothing is free, pal.
“Can you get it running?”
“Yeah, but it’ll cost you for the service. A faultily assembled product is not the company’s fault, capish?”
She had braced herself for another complaint. “Okay, just do it. But it better work! I’m a lab technician, not a handyman!” The last word was said with disdain. A wicked smile from her, he noticed. I like her. Don’t get a chance to use my bratty nature enough with females.
She thought simultaneously. It’ll work all right. And then I’ll unleash The Spanker on you. You piece of crap!
She had a beautiful smile, though devilish. And she was extremely personable. Additional assets. She enjoyed chatting while working.
“S-o-o-o, The Spanker! A best seller. Said that, way back, spanking was underground. Then technology made the disciplinarians … or spankers … obsolete. Shame.” The last word was intended to be personal. It was what he sorely … literally and figuratively … needed. Discipline.
He was studying her and not her skill as a mechanic. Impressive!! Front and behind! Hair a bit disheveled. Almost wind-blown. “Is it windy outside, or did you use the washer and drier on your hair?” He stupidly snickered. The inappropriate comment disoriented her, and the wrench slipped from her hand.
“Excuse me?”
“Just having fun. No, really. You should have your hair cut professionally. A Tinkerbell look. Without the bun. From Peter Pan, you know. To shape your face. And … darken the color.”
“Y–e–a–h. I’ll consider it.” I will definitely be present when he tries to use The Spanker … to beat the crap out of him.
“Okay, done,” she announced. “Hey, lookie here! A wooden horse! Tell you what, let’s get you on the horse and move The Spanker behind you.” He felt excited at the prospect that she would be a part of product testing.
“Now, I’m only agreeing because we want to see if The Spanker works properly before you leave, right?”
She pictured her future. An image of where she would be in the next half hour and how he would help her achieve her goal. To beat the crap out of him!
“Wait! Full effect, right?” She slowly unloosened and removed his belt. She studied the belt and folded it in half. “Hmm!” She wiggled it back and forth. Not stiff enough … for him. She began to work on his pants and quickly lowered them, almost as if pulling a rug from under him. The speed of the motion disoriented him. His pants fell to the floor. “Step out of them!” she ordered and he obeyed. Good boy, she thought and smiled. “Climb aboard!” Another order.
He raised himself on the horse and maneuvered into a jockeying position. She studied him. “Hmm! Let’s give it the full effect, why don’t we!” She used all the straps affixed to the horse to secure his arms and his legs and his chest.
“Is this necessary?” he asked with doubt and the beginning of fear in his voice.
“Oh, ab–so–lutely!” She felt confident and, as importantly, in control.
She returned to The Spanker and pushed it to a position behind him. She found the box with specially designed attachments for The Spanker. And inserted one. “Hmm!” She started the machine and moved a lever. He screamed at the impact.
“Just as I suspected. The Spanker works, but it’s too intense for you … now. Guess you’ll have to gradually build to a certain tolerance level.” Had he read the entire manual, the instructional booklet would have informed him about tension adjustments. She formulated, and would now enact, Plan B.
“But I was expecting to use it today!!” Said like a disappointed child.
“Well, we might be able to accommodate you, after all.” You piece of crap!
She looked askance. “Hey, is that a lab coat?!” She retrieved it. “It fits!” She extracted her hand phone from her pocket and placed it at a distance. “For posterity. Who knows … someone may be curious about the 22nd century. And we have an artifact. Archived.”
She looked directly into the lens of the phone and smiled with an expression that said, Payback is a bitch, you piece of crap! She spoke authoritatively.
“What we have here is a piece of crap. Correction: two pieces of crap. Won’t show you what The Spanker can’t do. But I will demonstrate what our generation is missing. A good, old-fashioned hands-on experience. First, a warm-up. Something this machine is unable to do.”
She walked behind him. “No warm-up from The Spanker, right? Don’t think so. But a warm-up from this spanker.” With his rear end raised, she delivered a few hard, well-placed swats. “Good thing I play handball without gloves.” He groaned. She looked into the lens and smiled. “He agrees.”
His voice quaked. “I think I’ve had enough.”
“Aw! Poor baby doesn’t realize that I only started. Warm-up, remember? Warm-up to be continued … Now!” She lowered his underwear, baring flesh, and swung with rapidity in the same spot. All hits precisely placed. Hey, I’m a natural!
“Are we finished?” The tone in his elevated voice registered extreme pain.
“Yes, … with my hand … for now.” The words were carefully separated … for effect. “I think I’ll test all of the products that Ikea has conveniently provided for us. What have we here?”
The first implement seemed ineffective. No discernible response. She casually tossed it aside and chose another. The smacks ranged from intense to highly intense. His body began to spasm, even when restrained. That’s what I want to see!! “Be still!” she commanded as if addressing a child. Which is how she perceived him. She looked at the lens and shook her head sideways. “Newbie!”
She picked up a hard, wooden object. “Now, take a d–e–e–p breath. Inhale. Hold it!” The intensity and swiftness of the strokes froze his brain. He did remember hearing the word “exhale”. She cooed sweetly and softly, “T–h–a–t’s good.” Pinched his cheeks, studied the affected areas and smiled mischievously into the lens. He mumbled inaudibly. She playfully tapped his back twice with the pain-providing apparatus. “Are you swearing? No swearing allowed!” He had said, “Bitch is crazy!”

By the time she concluded the session, he was as red as a beet. And his face was flushed. She studied her handiwork with the attention of an artist admiring the finished canvas. Even coloration. Mission accomplished: beating the crap out of a piece of crap. Think I’ll quit my day job. Got Ikea’s list of dissatisfied, potential customers. A start. This work fits me like this lab coat. The lab coat! “Mind if I keep the lab coat?” No verbal complaint, but a moan. Or was it a groan? “Didn’t think so.”
After she unfastened the restraints, he almost slithered to the floor.
She extended her left hand, palm up, open. Left-handers were once perceived as sinister. “Two deposits, please. Tribute as a tribute.” He complied. Worth paying her … to depart.
With a spring in her step, she walked in the direction of the door, thanking him for his advice. A makeover would complement her change of profession.
“Oh, and I am, as of now, officially a spanker, not a repairperson.” She remembered the “handyman” and washer/drier cracks. “And, in your case, a disciplinarian, as well, brat. And … when we meet again, which you can count on, you can thank me.” She emphasized the words “count” and “thank” which perplexed him. But he would count and thank her upon command at future encounters.

That day, she and he were transformed. Both realized that technology had severe limitations. It lacked human contact, finesse and an understanding of body language and needs with or without words or sounds. And a wicked sense of humor. Their connection was mutually satisfying. Even though if asked now, he would probably spew expletives and complaints. But he would begin to miss her. That bond between two people had a price. It would again be referred to as “tribute”. A word she thought she coined. It was, however, … without her knowledge … in her ancestral blood.

Feb 272014



It’s that time of year again – the time of year when I begin to obsess about vacationing. To be fair, I do a pretty large amount of fantasizing about lying around on the beach year ’round, but it gets particularly bad beginning around the first of March. I know spring’s happening soon and that before long it’ll be warm enough to swim…and there I go. Googling ‘best beaches’, ‘cheap vacations in exotic locales’ and ‘how to vacation once a month’, I find a never-ending trail of photos which would make even the most hardcore couch surfer twitch.

There’s Maldives, just about universally agreed to be the most beautiful beach-lovers-hallelujah-place on the planet..



Then there’s Sardinia..


And the Bahamas, which, as reported by astronauts, has the bluest water anywhere on earth..


And then there’s Mexico.

Mexico, you say? Isn’t that where people get beheaded and kidnapped and narco’d and stuff? Well, yes, stuff like that does go on there, but it goes on here too, and we already live here.

The area of Mexico called the Yucatan peninsula (Quintana Roo, specifically) has some of the most beautiful beaches anywhere, and almost-shore-access to world class Barrier Reef snorkeling; the place is practically crawling with ancient Mayan ruins – you can’t toss an iguana and not hit something fantastically dark built by people thousands of years ago; and, if you’re at all a connoisseur, Riviera Maya beachside fish tacos are probably the best in the world. I’ve not mentioned yet that one may purchase Cuban cigars there and smoke them in full view of the general public, and one may also rest assured that polite public drunkenness is not only condoned but, in most places, lovingly cultivated.

The point is that I love (this part of) Mexico. While I can’t speak on the state of the entire country, I’ve never witnessed crime of any kind in my visits there, and I’ve also never stayed in one of those fancy-schmancy resorts that feed you sushi and keep you cloistered in with all the other skittish Ameri-Euros – that type of experience just doesn’t seem appealing to me.

The above-mentioned sushi resorts never give you the real local experience, because they’re not meant to. They’re meant to take advantage of the local attraction (in this case, the beach) and turn that into something which closely resembles your comfort zone, i.e. home. They feed you spaghetti and meatballs when the guys in the boats outside are pulling live lobster from the water, and you’re expected to change out of your flip-flops and shorts before they’ll even serve you said meatballs. Phooey! I want to eat local food, interact with actual Mexican people…actually BE in Mexico, for hells sake.

I’ve bisected the Yucatan in my travel there in the past, having seen both the north and southeast shores and toured the interior. I’ve done the big beach town, Cancun, and the island of Cozumel, and both were a bit boisterous but fun, and, although I wasn’t on any private beach, they were still super-touristy; this time, I’m going for something a bit more quiet and secluded. 

If you look hard enough (and believe me, I have looked and looked and looked and…) there are lots of little towns up and down the Mexican Caribbean, none of which require visitors to wear a plastic wristband or participate in ridiculous nightly pool games. One of these is my intended destination this year. There will be much sunblock and many brightly-colored frozen drinks (and don’t forget those Cubans), and probably a few too many renditions of Brown Eyed Girl, but I can’t wait.

Oh, and don’t worry about me. Not only will I be accompanied by my own personal ninja, but I’m pretty damn dangerous my ownself.


Daydreaming of paraíso,




Feb 262014




All us spanking video fans have our favorite spanking performers, top and bottom, who we like to watch regularly. We also enjoy the novelty of new models whom we’ve never seen before, especially if it’s their first time on film – gotta love those nervous, under-conditioned, camera shy newbies!


One site which seems to find a never-ending stream of female performers who appear to be cut from the archetypal ‘model’ mode is Firm Hand Spanking. From well-known performers to pretty faces (and bottoms) I’ve never seen before, Firm Hand seems to have cornered the market on the Girl Next Door spankees. To prove that I’m not making this up, here are just a few of their most recent models…



Belinda Lawson



Adrienne Black



Helen Baker



Stephanie Murray



Stacy Stockton

Feb 262014


I have the most talented cat in the entire universe – but there’s no need in my telling you about it when I can simply show you. I present Noodle the Magnificent :



As you can see, he is completely without fear – staring down the barrel of the bathtub faucet.



Able to sleep comfortably in a box approximately 1/3 his size.



And, most importantly, self-purifying!


Fine. Maybe none of that stuff’s terribly impressive, but he’s still just about the cutest cat I ever did see.

–  Dana 

Feb 252014


Here’s an alternate reality future twist with irony – you’ll enjoy ‘Spank Trek 2099″, another Future Spank entry.

– Dana

Spank Trek 2099: A Future Oddity

Harry Hudley was obsessed with time travel.He had been ever since he had seen the “Back to the Future” trilogy  when he was nine years old. He spent  the next twenty years visualizing, developing and finally creating his own time machine.Though, unemployed, largely self taught and living in his mother’s basement .He had, with unique perception, discovered one of the major secrets of the universe. Of course, He had attached the rather minimalist device to his car which, in his case, was a five year old Hyundai.

    Now ready and tuned into 2099, he pushes GO and holds on. There is a loud pop and a bright flash.His cat, Mr Sulu, nearly bounces off the ceiling and the Hyundai disappears in a spiraling swirl of smoke.

   It’s unlike anything he’s ever seen before.The entire village was made up of of conical, rectangular and round igloo shaped buidings all comprised of the same hard synthetic plastic material. There were no poles carrying power, telephone or cable wire but instead small radar-like antennae on top of each building. Very  peculiar, he thinks, as he watches first one then another and another lone male running down the street and each being closely pursued by a group of women attired in very short skirts,  short shorts, sleeveless tops and athletic shoes. Some of them seem to be carrying some type of object or device.

  OOOMMPHHH!!! OW! “Hey, what the…”Crossing in front of an alley Harry is charged, tackled and taken down  by a rather full bodied , raven haired girl of exceptional strength. She quickly places sticky tape over his mouth.”I saw him first! He’s mine! Help me get him over on the bench!”Completely overpowered by the boisterous bevy of beauties, Harry is instantly hauled over Daniela’s lap.Blonde MiMi pulls down his baggy shorts and purple boxers.

Anything but athletic with tousled black hair and rather narrow shoulders, a slim upper body leading down to somewhat wider hips and a full, fleshy bottom, he is easy putty in their strong hands. Daniela is euphoric.”OOH, Yeah!  This is the most seriously spankable bottom we’ve captured all day.”  “Hey,I want a piece of that cute butt!” “No way Sheena! Its one spanking per capture, and this sweet can is  all mine!”Daniela begins wailing into Harry’s upturned bottom with a rapid flurry of sharp smacks.” MiMi lifts up his tape.”Lets hear what he’s got to say.” EEEEEEOOOWWWW!!! She giggles and quickly replaces the tape.Sheena chimes in “Hey! You’re using your hand! Just like a little girl would.Something wrong with your electro paddle?”Harry’s bottom quivers like marmalade from Daniela’s machine like spanks.She grins in ecstasy ” Sometimes the old fashioned ways are best!”

   Finally relenting, Daniela releases him.As Harry bends low to pull up his shorts, Sheena’s temptation is too great.She whacks him twice, in quick succession with her electro paddle set to the “sheer agony” setting.EEEEEYYYYAGGGOOHH!!! Stung by a hundred angry bees on each cheek,almost simultaneously. Harry, as if shot from a cannon, shoots across the street, like a scalded cat, his shorts at half mast.All the girls except an angry Daniela, fall about laughing.

   Two husky Amazonian proportioned female patrol officers, helmeted and  aboard sleek bullet shaped road bikes, observe Harry cross the middle of the road. Tanya nods and smiles at her partner, Carly. “Fresh meat, Carly!  A barebutt jaywalker!”  “Lets go”!”

  The two patrol officers pull up alongside Harry, just as he manages to pull up his shorts.”What have we got here, public indecency and Oh, my! Jaywalking!” Tanya snaps on plastic cuffs and Carly positions him over the seat of the strutted bullet bike.MMMPPHHH!!! He struggles to speak but his mouth is still sealed with tape.

“That’s four lashes of the enforcement strap for each offense.Total of eight and lucky for you we haven’t been issued the new plasma canes yet.Eight strokes with one of those would have you howling like a banshee and trying to jump over the moon!”MMMPPHHH!!!! “Should we let ‘im talk? ” Nahhh! I just want to wail into that cute fat butt, of his.” The big leather jacketed policewomen take positions each side of Harry and, in tandem,  began flailing,with a wilful zeal, into his already crimson red bottom with their heavy black doubled over leather straps.The tape became loose enough, now, that he somehow managed to spew it out. “You people are crazzzeee!!!  AArrrghhhowwohhh!! Tanya is grinning.” Well, that was fun!He is a lively one, isn’t he!” Carly releases him and they both go off in pursuit of two running males on the next street.

  Harry quickly pulls on his shorts and rubs his sore swollen bottom. He had often fantasized about being spanked by a mean but sexy teacher or a matronly conservative female attorney, or even to be captured and chastised by a rogue group of hot sorority girls, but this was insane!
What kind of world did he land in?

  Before he could give the situation any further thought he notices sunlight reflecting off chrome.It was his Hyundai, where it had rematerialized, in the park across the street.He wanted to take something to prove where he had been but nothing, at hand, was removable. A loud pop on his right causes him to turn around.There is a bursting flash of light which seems to spread out and then dissolve, almost instantly. Then another, higher up.Then burning agony! As if molten candle wax had been splashed across his inflamed butt cheeks! It was Sheena! Leading a wild eyed group of girls!She was firing some kind of plasma energy gun at him and with deadly accuracy! OOOWWWWOOOO!!!! Another hit! And now his shorts were smoking! Bolting toward the park he sees Daniela closing in quickly with another group of wild spanking vixens! With an agility born of wild desperation he takes a flying leap over several bushes and through the open  window of the Hyundai.He quickly adjusts the controls and slams the GO button, flashing out and disappearing in spiraling smoke just as Daniela and her friends arrive.