Dec 302013


It’s well-discussed that spankees should learn, know, and protect their Hard Limits – the things in which they are not interested in participating. I always want to know what my playmates like and don’t like, but I’m most interested in their Hard Limits. I don’t touch those – don’t even graze ’em. It’s important, at least to my mind, for those in my hands to know that, even though they’re likely in for a tough time, they can trust that I won’t go ‘there’…wherever ‘there’ is for them. 

So if someone tells me that canes are an absolute no-no for them, then they may rest assured that I will never, but never, strike them with one. If that same person has an aversion to complete nudity, they may, albeit against my better judgment, remain partially clothed at all times. Trust is fragile, you shouldn’t mess about with it. I get that. I also respect the wishes of others, possibly sometimes to a fault, as I’ve gathered on more than one occasion that a playmate was somehow hoping that I would use the information against them. I get it – the notion that your top would exceed your Hard Limit is probably a high-ranking bottom fantasy – but it’s not gonna happen. At least not here.

Conversely, there are some other things which aren’t gonna happen here because they’re MY Hard Limits. These things really have very little to do with you and what you desire (isn’t that horribly selfish of me?), and at this point in my play experience are pretty damn universal.

Without further adieu, my Hard Limits :



Let me be clear here – I am in no way knocking S&M. Some of my best friends are dominatrices, and that’s not a punchline. However, and to be completely frank, I suck at it. I’ve tried – trust me, I’ve tried. But the clothes are restrictive and sweaty, I’m not coordinated enough to swing a single tail, and – most importantly – humiliation is NOT my forte’. The gadgets required to properly torture genitalia appear to be very expensive and extremely fiddly to operate, and I’ve no idea what the curve is on CBT Operator Error. Bondage is pretty but most knot-work renders the buttock area inaccessible, totally killing the rest of the evening for me. Also, I’m never sure what exactly I’m supposed to do to you once I get you tied up like a roast pig. And how long before the circulation to your ears cuts off, anyway?

Of course, I DO love to hit people, and don’t necessarily mind if that doesn’t always occur on the rear, but…


2.  I will not cane/paddle/otherwise-strike-with-a-hard-object the inside of your thighs.


Google ‘femoral artery’.


3. For basically the same sane medical reasoning as #2, I will not strike your hands/palms/wrists with anything larger or more lethal than a balsa wood ruler.

Look, there’s a reasonable expectation of discomfort and, in many cases, even the expectation of marking or bruising. But when it comes right down to it, I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in actually injuring you. I don’t care whether it’s okay with you or not – it’s not okay with me. 

The buttocks are a gladly-placed mass of overlapping muscles, fat, and bazillions of teeny little nerve endings. No organs. No bones. No major blood vessels leading directly to the brain. You know, your usual non-lethal ass area. And with the right conditioning, an area which can handle quite a lot of impact, up to and including skin abrasions, repeatedly, and with no ill effect (when cared for properly). Most other areas of the body hold no such distinction, so I prefer to keep the extra-posterior impact to a minimum.

( ** Disclaimer : This doesn’t mean that I won’t slap your face if you get mouthy…I just won’t do it really, really hard.)


4. Humiliation

We touched on this in #1, but it definitely deserves it’s own numeral. I do NOT ‘do’ humiliation. Embarrassment, yes; shaming, definitely. But not humiliation.

(I am using my own personal definition of humiliation here, which may or may not jibe with your own.) To me, the difference between humiliation and embarrassment lies in the intent – am I providing you with positive or negative feedback? Example : You’ve eaten all the candy after I’ve told you it’s for everyone. Humiliation would, to my mind, sound like this : “You sick pig! I can’t even look at you – you nauseate me. You’ll sleep on the floor like a dog tonight.” (Told you I suck at it.) On the other hand, embarrassment feels more like : “You ate all that candy? After I told you not to? What am I going to do with you? Don’t come crying to me when you get a stomachache.”

Make sense?

I cannot say nasty things to you. I cannot try to hurt your feelings, make you feel bad about yourself. Can’t even fake it. Say what you want, but there’s enough negativity in each of our minds already without having someone plant bad crap there while your brain’s all wide open. I’d rather be a ‘cheerleader’, thankyouverymuch.


5.  It’s really, really, REALLY not okay to touch my ass. Ever.



–  Dana

Dec 292013


Live Session Video : Alternative Medicine



For more preview photos, scene description, and join links, visit:
Individual downloadable scenes also available on my
Clips4SaleScolding and SpankingLibrary studio pages.
Dec 262013


** Raffle Closed  –  See Comments Box for Info  –  Raffle Closed **




Current Fundraising Total : $640

That’s six hundred and forty swats to Angel thus far, and I’m hoping to see a number that makes us BOTH nervous by the time we’re done at the end of January.

Nearly halfway through our first Give Til it Hurts charity raffle, and I am genuinely touched (and somewhat blown away) by the generosity of spirit so many have already shown.

I want each and every person who’s participated in any way to understand that you’ve had a direct impact on the well-being of your fellow inhabitants of this planet, and that’s something about which you should be very proud.


At raffle’s end, I’ll be posting a list of donor’s pseudonyms, sharers, and organizations in receipt of donations.

Dec 242013



I’m going to begin this post with a Seinfeld reference, so all those under the age of thirty may take time now to do a google search on it…go ahead, we’ll wait…all caught up? Okay, here we go.

When Jerry, George, and Elaine wanted to express to one another that they were worthy of keeping what may be a very big secret, they’d say ‘I’ll put it in the vault.’ Meaning obvious : the information you’re considering sharing with me is locked away tightly and only I have the key. The great thing about Seinfeld was that things very rarely managed to stay in anybody’s vault for very long and, at the appropriate moment, much hilarity would ensue.

This low-security-secret-keeping is rarely humorous, however, when folks open their vaults in real life – yet it is something which happens all the time, to every one of us at some point(s). We tell someone something which is labeled Secret and they tell someone else, usually keeping the label the same – Secret – which means that the person they just told is supposed to hold him or herself to a higher standard than the vault-opener. But then that person disregards the label also and eventually, rather than hilarity, all hell ensues.

When the information that’s un-vaulted is of a, say, adult nature, the consequences can be catastrophic.

I’ve heard stories about folks in the kink/spanking/bdsm scene who’ve had their vaulted information shared, sometimes with a vengeance and sometimes by mere ignorant chance. The term usually used is ‘outed’, just the same as when someone’s sexual or gender orientation is shared without consent. 

Talking to an acquaintance recently reminded me of just how much most folks with a kinky bend are risking every single time they make contact, of any kind, with another person. Every person in her life knew different things about her – some had no idea that there was any kink of any kind whatsoever ever ever and thought she was just as ‘normal’ as them (whatever that is), and some were rightfully curious/suspicious about a few unusual occurrences or comments they’d overheard, while some were in the loop enough to know that she did some ‘wild’ stuff every now and then. What a juggling routine it seemed to me, and how to decide where to position each new person in life – how to decide how much they should know – and when to be oh-so-very careful with someone who is nosier than all hell.

I’m not so much interested in why people have to separate their kink from the rest of their lives – I get it. My question is : How does it FEEL to have to guard your vault, to decide who’s worthy of a peek and who to trust with the key? What can another person do to insure that you can trust them with your secrets? And how likely do you think it is that you’ll be un-vaulted?


–  Dana

Dec 222013

Real Discipline Request

POV : Best Friend’s Mom

For more preview photos, scene description, and join links, visit:
Individual downloadable scenes also available on my
Clips4SaleScolding and SpankingLibrary studio pages.